Sideways
by berrywarbler
Summary: unrelated drabbles and oneshots; some crossposted from my tumblr
1. AEIOU

**a/n****: **so, in order to ease back into writing again after my mini-week long hiatus (in which i went to nyc, saw how to succeed and met darren criss) i'm starting a series of oneshots based off pretty much every song by charlotte sometimes. i already have one i did awhile ago-'sweet valium high'-which is listed as klaine but is really more blainchel than anything. so far, i'm pretty sure these will all be blainchel. if not, i will specify otherwise.

anyways, i'm off to work on venom now, so. enjoy~

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><p>"Your hair is brown," Blaine stated, as if it wasn't the most obvious thing in the world, his fingers playing with the ends of it. "And really, really long."<p>

Rachel just rolled her eyes, an "I know," coming from her mouth as she swatted his hand away.

"It's really pretty," he whispered, his breath hot on her neck as he moved closer to her, and she fought off the blush that crept on her cheeks. She had only allowed him to spend the night because he had shown up, completely drunk, and she didn't feel like walking him back across Manhattan to his own apartment.

"Why do I bother talking to you?" she muttered, pushing him away.

"Because I'm really pretty," he responded, pressing a small kiss to her neck.

"Because you're really drunk," she fixed, giggling lightly as his hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her towards him. "And you seem to be forgetting that I, currently, am not."

"How come we can only make out when we're both drunk?" Blaine whined, his teeth grabbing ahold of her ear and pulling gently.

"Because you only want me when you're drunk," she told him dryly, "and I'll only tolerate that when I'm drunk."

"That's not true," he promised, his voice somber. "I want you all the time. It's you, Ms. Broadway Star, who doesn't want me," he finished his sentence with a small kiss on the side of her mouth, and while she knew this would end badly in the morning-it usually did, even when they were both drunk-she granted him access to her mouth regardless.

* * *

><p>Rachel couldn't help but grit her teeth when Blaine's phone went off, <em>again<em>, for the fourth time during their coffee date. She didn't have a lot of free time anymore, busy working her way up in a theater company who was currently preparing for a revival of South Pacific, and she rarely got to see Blaine. What time they did have together was supposed to be _them_ time, but lately it had started turning into Rachel fighting for Blaine's attention from his new girlfriend-Elizabeth.

Rachel hated her.

She wasn't jealous, jealousy was beneath Rachel. And Rachel had come to accept whatever her and Blaine's relationship had been-friends who, when drunk, occasionally fucked around. They were nothing more, nothing less, there were no feelings between them. Rachel was helpful in Blaine's transformation from '100% gay' to 'bisexual', despite Kurt's argument that bisexuality wasn't really a thing. (Rachel's own stint their senior year was defined as 'a way to grasp anyone's attention in the frenzy of stress', something she wasn't sure she could exactly deny.) Blaine was a way for Rachel to relieve stress, tension, and with no time for dating-her schedule had her working 12 hour days more often than not-the two had fallen into a nice rhythm.

And then Elizabeth walked in, stealing Blaine's attention from her, and Rachel realized how close she had been to falling for him. She quickly regained her sense of pride, her independence, and when Blaine came crawling to her one night after drinking with friends, she felt nothing when she kicked him out of bed.

He wasn't hers, and she wasn't about to let herself be his.

He had an eyebrow raised as she placed his phone back on the table, glancing at the screen to see what she had been looking at-ignoring Elizabeth's call-before resuming into his story about one of his last classes, Rachel only half paying attention when the phone started ringing again.

When he answered, she didn't even say goodbye before walking out the door.

* * *

><p>"You need to stop doing this," Rachel half-complained, her own hands working fast to remove Blaine's belt as he lifted her effortlessly onto the counter, his mouth sucking harshly on her collarbone.<p>

"You could kick me out," he reminded her, but she only responded with an eyeroll as she stuck her hands down his pants, stroking him quickly.

"One of these days," she promised, "I will." He chuckled against her skin, his hands trailing softly across her sides as he lifted her shirt, causing soft sighs to fall from her lips.

"But not today?" he asked, moving his mouth to her own, catching her lip between his teeth as she shimmied her skirt over her thighs, his hand working its way between them quickly.

"Not today," she moaned, moving forward and begging for more.

* * *

><p>"I feel like I never see you anymore," Blaine whined as Rachel held up yet another pair of black heels, clicking her tongue disapprovingly as she decided the straps were too thick.<p>

"I saw you two days ago Blaine," she replied, her tone tired as she examined some silver wedges. "Remember? In my bathroom-"

"Yes!" Blaine said loudly, looking around to make sure no one else overheard them. "Yes, I mean-aside from us fucking, I don't ever get to see you."

She turned away from the array of shoes in front of her to stare at him blankly, a quick "Blaine, we're hanging out right now," slipping out, but he shook his head as she turned back to her shopping.

"No, you're being weird and distant and like you don't _really _want to be around me anymore," Blaine argued.

"That's because I don't," she sighed, frustration starting to seep through her. "I wanted to go shopping in peace, but you demanded that you come along. So I allowed it."

"You _allowed _it," Blaine repeated, "Really?"

"Yes," she replied, her eyes locking with his own. "Just like I _allow _you to cheat on your girlfriend of a year and a half almost once a week." Blaine's face paled, and she took advantage of his silence to try on a pair of red strappy heels before deciding they were perfect, leaving him there as she went to check out.

* * *

><p>"I broke up with her," Blaine's voice said from the other end of the phone. Rachel just nodded, applying her make up without answering. "I figured-I mean, it wasn't exactly fair to her anymore, was it?"<p>

"She was your girlfriend Blaine, not mine," Rachel reminded him. "But no, it probably wasn't fair for her that you ditched her on her birthday to sleep with me instead." She heard his sigh of exasperation, the one he always let out when she spoke of their affair so casually.

"You're making this a lot more complicated than it needs to be, you know," he said after a moment. She stared at where her phone was sitting on her dressing table-blinking a few times before realizing he couldn't see her.

"_I'm _making this complicated? Blaine, you're the one who's had a girlfriend for the past two years."

"That's not-only because you refuse to accept that you have feelings for me!"

"And yet you continued sleeping with me," Rachel smirked, taking her phone off speaker and lifting it to her ear. "I'm not the one who ever had a problem admitting that I wanted you Blaine, that was you."

"The one time I tried to tell you, you started laughing at me," Blaine countered.

"Is that the time you said _I see myself in you_? Blaine, I thought you were coming on to me. It was an honest mistake," she shrugged, and Blaine just snorted.

"I'm pretty sure I _didn't _get to see myself in you that night," he said after a moment, and she laughed, loudly, in response.

"That's because it's a horrible come on, Blaine. Even in your drunken states, you can do better," she joked, a smile floating on her face before a castmate called her for curtain. "I have to go, but we'll talk later."

"Break a leg," he said, just as he did every night before she went on, and when she stepped out on that stage she performed more for him than she did for herself.


	2. ExGirlfriend Syndrome

"No, but dude-did you even watch the game?" Cooper asked, waving his arms emphatically as he went on to describe the massive save the Buckeyes managed in their last game of the season, Blaine tuning him out as his attention was drawn to the familiar brunette down the aisle from them.

"Shut up," Blaine hissed in his brothers direction, shooting him a glare as Rachel seemed to notice Blaine, waving to him after placing something in her grocery cart before heading their way.

"Why?" Cooper questioned, tilting his head curiously as Rachel approached, a wide grin on her face as Blaine returned it easily, completely ignoring him.

"Blaine! What are you doing here?" she asked, her eyes flickering to his brother for longer than Blaine was sure was strictly necessary, a slight flicker of jealousy burning low in his stomach.

"My mom sent me and Cooper out for essentials," Blaine explained, waving in his brothers direction as the older Anderson shook Rachel's hand, her face flushing a little at his complimentary greeting. "What about you?" he asked, trying to reign Rachel's attention back to himself, realizing somewhere in the back of his mind that he was being stupid and petty.

"Oh, well, my dads' are gone-"

"Dads?" Cooper interrupted with an eyebrow raise in Blaine's direction.

"Yes! I have two gay dads. Anyways, they're away for the weekend again, so I decided to come grab some food since they didn't shop before they left for the weekend, and I'd rather not starve," she explained, her voice carrying the flirty tone he had noticed her take a few times before-usually with Finn, these days, but he remembered a time when it had been directed towards him as well.

"Do you think the Hudson-Hummel's would let you starve?" Blaine teased, trying to place an easy grin on his face once more as she rolled her eyes in response. "I'm surprised Puckerman didn't try and proposition you for another party, with your dads' gone," he continued, noting Coopers bemused expression between the two and trying to ignore it.

"Yes, well," she replied, slightly flustered as she looked down. "I mean, he brought it up a couple days ago, but we figured it was probably not for the best after last time-"

"What happened last time?" Cooper asked, seeming genuinely curious as Rachel and Blaine both faltered to answer, neither really sure how to word exactly what had transpired. "Blainey-boo," Cooper taunted, Blaine glaring at his brother in disgust at the completely unnecessary teasing. "Come on, you used to tell me all these things."

"It's nothing, really," Rachel said, though her voice was slightly squeaky, and Blaine wondered-not for the first time, at all-exactly how she had viewed their small tryst the previous year.

"'Nothing, really' tends to mean a lot more," Cooper grinned, Rachel flushing an even darker pink now as her fingers toyed with the hem of her dress.

"I mean, it was just a typical party," Blaine offered in explanation, finally able to locate his voice. "Rachel was upset over the breakup of her now fiancée Finn-"

"Fiancée?" Cooper interjected, Rachel pulling out the ring she wore around her neck-a symbol Blaine had been trying not to read too much into.

"-and we were really drunk," he continued, ignoring his brother. "And Rachel suggested spin the bottle, apparently, and," he shrugged as he trailed off, Cooper grinning victoriously as he nodded in approval.

"Spin the bottle is the best way to kiss a cute girl," he winked in Rachel's direction, and Blaine really needed to get a handle on the shot of annoyance he felt at her giggle in response.

"Yeah, well," was all Blaine could manage to choke out in response before Rachel's phone was ringing, and with a frown she answered it, her tone short as she did so.

She sighed heavily, Blaine eyeing her carefully as she held the phone to her shoulder, clearly pausing whomever was on the other end, a small frown on her face. "I have to take this, but it was an honor meeting you, Cooper," she said, smiling slightly as he took her hand in his own once more, a slightly bigger smile in Blaine's direction before she was on the phone once more, passing by them, Cooper eyeing Blaine as he watched her go.

"Dude," was all his brother said, and with a small 'don't fucking ask,' Blaine pushed them in the opposite direction.

* * *

><p>Cooper was kind enough to keep his mouth shut until they were unloading the groceries into the cabinets, their parents off at some event for the evening. "So," he began, and Blaine didn't need to be psychic to know he didn't want to hear whatever his brother was going to say next. "Rachel."<p>

"Yes?" Blaine answered, though his tone was sharp in a way that strictly meant that he did not want to discuss it, that he was trying to ignore anything about Rachel that wasn't about their friendship and only that.

"You never told me you made out with a _girl _before, and a hot one at that," Cooper responded, Blaine rolling his eyes with a heavy sigh.

"Like we both said-we were drunk, and it was a one-time thing," he said, tilting his head to the side as he remembered that it clearly wasn't a one-time thing, that only a few months ago he had to spend more than one afternoon making out with her as 'rehearsing' for the school play. "At least, romantically."

Cooper raised an eyebrow as he placed juice into the fridge, Blaine simply waiting for it to close once more, his mouth falling open at the image of Blaine and Rachel in their Tony and Maria costumes, hands wrapped around each other as their cast and parents congratulated them on an amazing performance.

"I don't think I've ever seen a picture of you and _Kurt _that tightly wound," Cooper grinned, examining the picture.

"Kurt isn't a big fan of public displays of affection," Blaine muttered quietly, Cooper only laughing more.

"But Rachel, apparently, is," he clarified, Blaine only managing to sigh in annoyance.

"She's my friend, and that's it," Blaine explained, his brother only laughing in response.

"I think when you have to defend it this much bro, she's more than just a friend," he responded with a clap on the shoulder, Blaine trying to ignore the sting of truth behind the statement, the fact that he wanted to defend it once more from pure reflex.

Because if Rachel was more than a friend, Blaine didn't know who he was.

* * *

><p>He lay in bed that night, head resting in his hands as he replayed his entire friendship with Rachel. How he had taken to her immediately, latching onto her as his favorite of Kurt's friends. How he had always thought she was pretty, beautiful even, but had never said anything after Kurt went into details about their lukewarm friendship that was just being built. How before Kurt's transfer, the two had been more enemies than anything else, even though from what Blaine heard she had been trying to look out for him as well.<p>

He thought of their first kiss, how even though he was completely shitfaced he spent more of that night attached to Rachel than he did Kurt, the one who had invited him. How soft and warm she had felt when she was in his lap, how soft her skin had felt in the few centimeters Blaine had been permitted to touch whenever Kurt wasn't trying to distract them, part them from each other. How he had been unsuccessful, Rachel snapping at him at one point to stop ruining their fun.

How he had silently agreed when she focused her attention back on him.

How much it had hurt both of them when he rejected her, the fear of Kurt and his harsh words screaming at him in the moment after their sober kiss, of losing the first real friend Blaine could remember having in a long time, if ever.

He didn't even seem to realize what he was doing when he finally got out of bed, throwing on any clothing he could find as his mind raced to the amount of times the two had laughed backstage while their friends tried to figure out the mechanics of a play, as Artie yelled at the others to be more professional, of how easy it was to slip into Tony across from her Maria, at how even though they had been acting, standing on a stage and performing in front of an audience, he could have sworn it was Rachel telling him that she loved him, not Maria telling Tony. It wasn't until he was in front of her house, knocking loudly on her front door at nearly two in the morning that he seemed to snap to reality, his senses clouded more than ever as she answered quickly, swinging the door open with a confused "Blaine?"

"This is ridiculous," Blaine said, not even sure of the words falling from his mouth as Rachel stared at him, confused and slightly tired as she fought off a yawn.

"It's two in the morning, Blaine, what are you doing here?" she asked, her voice quiet.

"I shouldn't be here," he said, shaking his head clear as he tried to talk sense into himself, turning to go before her hand shot out and grabbed onto his arm, pulling him towards her once again with a look of concern.

"Blaine, what's wrong?"

"This!" Blaine shouted, startling Rachel as she let go of him as he motioned to her hand on his skin, how it sent a jolt through him unlike anything he was used to, how even the simplest of touches could drive him crazy. Her eyes opened wider, and she took a step back, but Blaine just moved closer to her, unable to stop himself. "This whole-I'm _gay_, Rachel, and I'm in love with Kurt-"

"I know that, Blaine," she said, her eyes seeming to harden in front of him as her posture tensed, her arms crossing over her chest.

"And you're-fuck, you're engaged to Finn," Blaine continued, stepping even closer to her, watching as her eyes fell downcast, staring at their feet instead of at him, the motion only igniting him into a bubbling anger that came pouring out. "And I shouldn't spend more time talking about you than I do my boyfriend, or think about you more than I do Kurt, and god-Rachel, it shouldn't be you who gets under my skin and supports me and pushes me for more, that's not your job!" he said, his fist slamming against the wall behind her as he stood even closer to her now, watching as she just took it.

"Blaine, what are you –"

"When you think about us, Rachel, our-whatever it was we had, how do you see it?" he asked, his anger dying down and taking on an almost desperate tone, his stomach plummeting as she turned away from him, shaking her head.

"That was like, a year ago, Blaine, I don't see what-"

"What did it mean to you?" he pressed, now standing only a foot away from her, using a hand to turn her face towards his own.

"You shouldn't be here, Blaine, you should go," was her quiet response, and he noticed how her breathing had heightened, how she appeared almost nervous.

"Why can't you answer the question, Rachel?" he asked, his voice dropping a decibel as he moved closer to her.

"Because, Blaine, it doesn't matter what I thought or felt-that was a long time ago, and our one date wasn't enough to constitute enough for there to be any real feelings between us, and you're gay and in love with Kurt, and I'm engaged to Finn," she finally responded, her eyes fierce as she held his gaze with her own, trying to appear calm even as her eyes flashed a slightly darker brown, her tongue darting out and licking her lips in a way Blaine could only hope he was reading correctly.

"And if I wasn't gay, and dating Kurt, and you weren't engaged to Finn?" he asked her, his mouth hovering near her ear as she tried to keep still, pressing harder against the wall as if she was trying to disappear from him.

"Those things are all important elements that we can't forget-"

"Let's say we did," he interrupted, one hand coming to rest on her hip, fingers skimming over the bare skin exposed above her shorts.

"I can't just ignore-"

"Why not?" he asked, pressing his body against hers, securing her tighter against the wall as his lips ghosted over her neck, the smell of her soap and shampoo pushing him further, any sense of how this could be wrong fleeing from him.

"You shouldn't be here," she said quietly, though she still refused to push him away, her hands falling to her sides as she tried once more in vain to back away, Blaine only moving even closer towards her.

"You're right," he agreed, pulling on a section of skin with his teeth, grinning as her audible gasp, her breathing becoming slightly erratic. "I shouldn't be here. Tell me to leave."

"I can't," she finally admitted, turning her face to look at him, her face open and vulnerable as she looked at him, a little afraid and a little insecure.

"Good," he responded, pulling her forward with little effort as he collided his lips to hers, relishing in the soft feel of them, how warm and inviting they always were, how comfortable and natural it was for her mouth to fall open for him, her hands wrapping up in his sweater.

She was the one to push her hips forward, his hands trailing from her waist upwards, lifting her shirt as he went, earning a soft sigh in reward as he pulled it off of her, leaving her bare from the waist up. He left his place at her mouth, moving his lips towards her shoulders as his hand kneaded at her breast, smiling into her neck as she pressed her hips harder against his own, her own hands scrambling to rid him of his clothing.

He barely registered her forcing him off of her, flipping them around and pulling his clothing off before she was on her knees, his dick in her hand as she licked at her lips, a sinister smile on her face as his hands came to rest on her head. He guided her, gently, letting her direct herself as she trailed a thick strip down the underside of him with her tongue, a groan falling from his lips as he gripped into her hair, still careful not to actually force her into anything. She teased him, taunted as she continued placing small kisses down his shaft, her tongue trailing soft lines all the way back to the tip until he was begging her for more, her name coming out strangled as she finally gave in, sucking the head into her mouth for a moment as her hand moved up and down.

He was sure heaven came in the form of her lips around him, in the form of her mouth hollowing around him as she took more and more of him in, his mouth watering at the sight of her on her knees before him. Her free hand held onto his hips, keeping him as still as she could so he didn't thrust into her mouth as much as he wanted to, to get more of her around him, his fingers entangling even more in her hair as he pulled her forward as much as she'd allow.

He felt himself hit the back of her throat, his head landing against the wall behind him as she paused for a moment before pulling off, her hand moving faster in her mouths absence before moving back, her eyes dark as she looked up at him from her position on the floor.

He knew he was close, knew that if she pushed down anymore he'd come without warning, but he couldn't seem to make himself tell her to pull away, couldn't find the words to get her to stop. She pulled off of him, a small frown on her face as she looked up, her voice so quiet as she uttered "Come for me," that he was sure he had imagined it, but he did as he was told, unraveling under her hand as her mouth latched back on, catching what should could and swallowing, her tongue darting out to clean the rest and he was sure he was going to be hard again within seconds if she kept that up.

He merely drug her back up to him, his mouth pressed firmly against hers, aware that he could taste himself on her tongue as it found its way into his mouth, her hand grabbing his and pushing itself into her shorts, Blaine pleased to find she was lacking underwear as his thumb grazed over her clit, fingers moving down her slit and listening to her groan into his mouth as his fingers moved into her, thrusting two without warning only to hear her sigh heavily, her chest heaving slightly as she tried to breathe normally.

"So beautiful," he murmured, pulling away just long enough to attach his mouth to her breast, her nipples already hard and pebbled as he swiped his tongue against them, her hips moving against his hand, fucking herself against his fingers as best she could while she whispered his name. He moved his tongue down her body, dragging it slowly and sending a shiver throughout her as he found himself in her previous position, dragging down her shorts as his lips pulled at her hips, marking hard enough to leave a hickey, slightly pleased with himself as he did so.

He didn't think twice before he pushed her legs apart, holding onto her by her thigh as his fingers trailed over her, grinning to himself at how wet she was just for him, her body practically dripping over onto her thighs, his tongue quickly retracing where his fingers had just been. She let out a loud cry, Blaine's hand quickly shooting up to cover her mouth with a glare, "You have to be quiet," he said as he pulled back, not wanting them to get caught in such a provocative position.

He winced slightly in pain as she bit down on his hand, hard enough to bruise, pulling it back as she spat "No one's home, Blaine," her glare just as defiant as his own, considering where he was currently positioned, and a leer formed as he met her eyes once more.

"That's right," he said as he remembered, his fingers lightly pushing into her once more. "You should feel free to make as much noise as possible then," he told her, tongue resuming its work against her clit as she scraped her hands against the wall, a small 'fuck you' escaping from her mouth. He laughed a little, pulling back from her, and standing up once more, lifting her hips and pulling her up so she'd wrap her legs around him, holding onto her tightly as he moved his mouth near her ear once more, whispering a quiet "Oh, I plan to," just to hear her whimper in response.

She had to move between them to center him in place, to be the one to push down and force herself onto him as he held her tight, one hand on her waist as the other gripped tightly onto her thigh, his torso tight against her own to keep her steady. Her eyes were closed as he moved inside her, pushing deeper for more, her breathing heavy as her arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

"Look at me," he whispered, and it took her a moment before her eyes fluttered open, pupils dark and blown as she did, her mouth open slightly as she continued to whimper, her body clung to his own.

"B-Blaine," she breathed out, her eyes closing again as her head fell forward, resting her forehead against his own as he thrust harder into her, his grip on her thigh leaving bright red marks, sure to bruise later.

He brought their lips together, biting down on her bottom one as she let out another noise-louder this time, a grin forming on his face as it came from low in her throat, her body contracting tightly around him. He watched her face long enough to see her eyes become glassy, her cheeks flushed as she continued to push for him, begging him to come for her again, and he did so without question, burying himself deep inside her as he moaned out her own name, face buried in her shoulder.

Even after he came, as the world came falling back into place, her breathing still erratic in his ear as he started becoming oversensitive, completely worn out after two orgasms, she let out a small laugh, the sound like a music box in his ear.

"What's so funny?" he managed to ask, pulling out of her reluctantly and hearing her own groan of regret as he placed her gently on the floor, still leaning them both against the wall as best as possible so they didn't collapse on the cold tile beneath them.

"It's probably a good thing Noah didn't convince me to have a party tomorrow," she shrugged, glancing around at their clothes scattered around the floor, Blaine chuckling now in response.

"Probably," he agreed, his hand finding her own as their fingers intertwined.

"You probably shouldn't be driving this late at night," she whispered, stepping closer to him as soon as he tried to back away, her eyes earnest as they looked up at him.

"No, probably not," he replied, pulling her bottom lip out from between her teeth with his thumb before placing a gentle kiss on her lips. "Do you think I could possibly stay here?" he asked, and she nodded, a small grin forming on her lips.

"But first, we need to shower. I just changed the sheets, after all, and I don't want to get them dirty so fast," she told him, raising an eyebrow.

"Can't argue with that logic," he responded with a grin of his own, lifting her quickly in his arms as his energy picked back up, despite the late hour, her laughter ringing loudly throughout the empty house. "I always feel better after a shower anyways."

"I'm sure you do," she responded, arms wrapped around his neck as she pointed him towards her bedroom, and he abided quickly to her demand.


	3. cupcakes xposted

**a/n: **i'm taking this section of oneshots, etc, and turning from charlotte sometimes based ones to all future ones as well as some that have been posted exclusively to my tumblr. if you've read it over there, then yay! i'll try and make notes of which ones have already been posted over there and use (xposted) in the title, but if i forget then i'm sorry.

some of them may have extra-warnings, (like this one will) and i'll address those per posting.

reviews are still always welcome, b t w. xoxo.

* * *

><p><strong>warnings: <strong>blainchelcest

* * *

><p>Rachel had agreed to bake cupcakes for the bake sale if only because she couldn't trust anyone else to do so well enough for her taste. If they were going to raise money for their trip to Nationals, they were going to do so properly.<p>

"Are you _still _baking?" Blaine asked as he wandered into their kitchen, yawning a little as he went towards the fridge.

"It's only 10pm Blaine," Rachel reminded him as she poured batter into a cupcake pan. "And unless I allow Noah to make them-which means they'll surely have some sort of illegal substance in them-no one else will, and then we can't afford to go to Nationals, and I'd like to have at least one win under my belt before NYADA."

"NYADA accepted you regardless of the fact that New Directions hasn't won," Blaine reminded her, sliding onto the counter next to her and swiping a finger of batter from the bowl she was pouring from.

"Stop," she reprimanded, slapping his hand away impatiently, causing him to grin. "And even if they do love me now, I'll be surrounded by people who are better than me, who have won _international _titles. I need something to brag about."

"Being Rachel Berry isn't enough?" he joked, ignoring her eye roll.

"As much as you'd like to apply to college and just use 'being Rachel Berry's brother' as an adequate reason for them to let you in-"

"I still say it would have worked," Blaine mused.

"-I'd like to have some real accomplishments."

"So cupcakes are the way to get there?" he asked, sliding off the counter and taking the full pan to put it in the oven for her.

"Cupcakes are the way to get there," she repeated, mostly to herself as she got out another batch of ingredients to make more. Blaine watched her for a moment before turning her around and placing a small kiss on her lips, a flush crawling over her skin as she glanced towards the stairs where their parents were undoubtedly sleeping. "Help me?" she asked, and he nodded with a grin.

"I have to warn you though, even Puck may make better cupcakes than I do."


	4. Stripped xposted

"Duet with me," Blaine asks, cornering Rachel before Glee one afternoon.

She glances at him before closing her locker, nodding. "Okay," she agrees, because she loves singing with Blaine-he shares her talent, her passion, manages to keep up with her regardless of the pace she set for them. The fact that there was an undeniably chemistry between them-musical or otherwise-was just another contributing factor. "What's the song?"

"I got that covered," he grins, flashing her a wink and sending her into a giggling mess as he disappears around a corner, Kurt appearing out of nowhere and sweeping him up in the process.

Rachel hides her jealousy well.

* * *

><p>"The library?" she asks two days later, after having opened her locker to see his note telling her where to meet him. She wants to laugh about the note, about how in an age where texting and emailing are the first forms of communication, he took time to write out <em>library, 4pm ;) Blaine <em>on a piece of paper and slip it into her locker.

"I like it in here," Blaine shrugs in response, pulling Rachel further into the empty library and sitting her down in a chair before making himself comfortable across from her.

"Yes, but don't you think we'll get in trouble?"

"I already told her we'd be practicing. I think she's used to it, honestly," he tells her, and she can't help the smile that forms on her face when his eyes meet her own. "Besides, the library closes soon anyways and she said as long as we don't destroy the place, she'll let us stay."

"Alone?" Rachel asks, surprise coloring her tone.

"Well, that would be the point. It's not like there's anyone else in here right now anyways."

"That's because you chose a Friday afternoon to practice," Rachel teases, ignoring the way her stomach flipps at his laughter. "So, what song are we going to sing?"

"You might not have heard of it," he answers as he hands her the sheet music, her eyes widening as she recognizes the song.

"Stripped? Really? Isn't this something you should sing more with someone like…Kurt?" _You know, your boyfriend_?

Blaine just shruggs in response, leaving her as he grabs the CD player and puts on the music for them, and it's almost natural to start singing along with it. She knows the song, of course, but it's not something she's sure she should be singing with Blaine. It's not that it's overtly sexual, but there's an underlying current of energy that's always flown between them that she's always wondered about, wondered if _he _wondered about.

He joins in without effort, the two of them sitting across from each other singing, and she wonders briefly if it's just her imagination that makes his eyes seem a little darker as she tries to sing along without fail.

"_Let me hear you speaking just for me_," she sang, her voice mixing in with his own, and she can't help but get lost in the music as the song drew towards it's ending, her eyes closing as she gives it everything she has. "_Let me hear you crying just for me._"

"Wow," is all Blaine can muster when the song ends, and she opens her eyes to notice that maybe they've moved a little closer together on instinct, her tongue darting out to wet her suddenly dry lips as he breaks their eye contact, pausing the CD player between them. "Well, I knew you'd be great with the song-you're great with any song," he grins, trying to return them to their normal state of friendship, and all she can do is nod along.

"Yeah, that was-a really good first run through," she agrees, standing up and smoothing out her skirt just for something to do.

"Well, we probably won't want to be stationary when we sing it in front of the club," Blaine says, and her heart nearly stops beating when she remembers that they're doing this as a rehearsal, a practice to put on in front of other people. But singing with him, so intensely and close, it feels more intimate than when they had to kiss during _West Side Story_, feels like they'll be able to see through this charade she feels she's living out with him.

She's honestly surprised no one's said anything about it before.

"Right, well, we can just try the song again," she finally speaks, "and just kind of go with what comes naturally to us for now, make sure we really get the song taken care of before we plan any choreography."

"Sounds like a good idea," he agrees, and she can only nod as he starts the music again.

"_Come with me, into the trees_," she begins, the words falling out easily as she stares at him, her hands resting on the back of the chair as he just stands there, moving slightly closer to her by the time he's finally set to sing as well.

It's natural for them to fall into some sort of pattern, the flirty looks she gives him as she starts wandering around the library, how he follows her intently, his gaze practically seductive as they move around. He corners her, at one point, singing mere inches from her face, and it's all she can do to remember to breathe. She can't help it as her eyes wander down his body, wondering what it'd be like to just grab ahold of him and kiss him, and by the time she realizes what she's thinking she darts around him, playing it off with a laugh as he spins and follows.

It isn't until he backs her up onto one of the computer tables in the very back, her legs hitting the fake wood and Blaine once again within inches of her that she realizes she's practically panting, that his eyes are definitely checking her out as much as she had been doing to him. The music is long forgotten now, if it's even still on, and when she hears the slamming of the library doors-the signal that the librarian is gone, that they're truly alone now-she doesn't think twice before tilting her face towards his own, kissing him deeply.

His hands seem to quickly find their way around her, one grabbing her waist as she slides onto the table behind her, the other trailing up her bare thigh under her skirt. She doesn't think to tell him to _stop_, that they shouldn't be doing this-that she's technically engaged to his boyfriends step-brother-all she can do is let her legs fall open further for him. Her own hands are busy trailing down his chest, memorizing how I feels under her fingertips as their mouths ravage each other, his tongue intertwining with her own as she lets out a soft sigh.

She's barely capable of thinking beyond _Blaine, Blaine's hands, Blaine's fingers_ as he pushes aside her underwear, not even bothering to take them off as his mouth falls to her neck, sucking gently so as to not leave a mark as his thumb glides across her. She can the desire for him take over her body, how her skin feels warm and flushed and how she's getting wetter for him by the minute, a gasp falling from her lips as he slides a finger inside her.

He whispers her name against her skin, a quick _fuck _being muttered near her ear, and she's practically purring into his own as she wraps an arm around him to keep him closer to her, her other hand falling as quickly as it can to the belt on his pants, struggling to undo it with just one hand.

He finally takes sympathy on her with a chuckle, withdrawing from inside her and causing her to whimper as he pushes down his own jeans, grabbing ahold of her thighs and parting them further for himself to stand between, one hand gently on her back and the other situating them before he can push inside her, her bottom lip sucked between her teeth as she fights off a groan.

His eyes lock onto hers as they move in time with one another, his hands pulling her closer until she's nearly off the table, rocking her hips as best she can into his own, soft pants coming from his mouth as she gives in and lets out some sort of whimpering plea of his name. It isn't long before his mouth is colliding with her own again, their kiss sloppy and their teeth biting at each other more than their lips are touching as his hips move faster, her legs wrapping around him to pull him in closer, "More," she demands.

He gives her everything she asks for and more, a hand coming up to roughly knead at her breast while she bites at his shoulder to quiet down her cries, feeling the familiar sensation of an impending orgasm. She tries to tell him, but all he can do is grunt in response, and before she realizes it's happening her world is falling into a black void of bliss, her back arching into him as she clamps down around him, vaguely aware of him coming with her, of her name being uttered from his mouth.

By the time he slides out of her, a blush creeping over her skin as she tries to figure out a way to clean themselves up-his hair is completely out of control, but she's sure hers isn't much better-she's starting to worry about all the 'now what's' of the situation. "That was probably-" she started, but he cuts her off mid-sentence with a kiss, soft and gentle, not nearly as hungry and intense as before.

"No, it wasn't," he says, and she knows he knew what she wanted to say. "I mean, granted, it probably wasn't the best idea, but we both wanted it. Right?"

She just grins in response, nodding a little as she slides off the table completely, his hand grabbing her own as he places a tender kiss on the side of her head. "Why do I feel that this just changed everything?" she asks him quietly, turning her gaze to meet his own.

"Because it did."

For now, she's content with that answer.


	5. Talking Pictures xposted

She hated the picture.

She understood its purpose, of course, understood that if Kurt were to walk into Blaine's bedroom and see a picture of Rachel on his nightstand his head would spin, the world ending as he found wherever Rachel was and stabbed her straight in the heart.

Still, it reminded her of what she was doing-what they were doing-that it was wrong, that they shouldn't be. That Blaine's hands and mouth belonged nowhere on her body, she belonged nowhere near his bed. She felt as if Kurt was staring at them, judging them, yelling at them as her dress was hitched up, his pants coming undone.

It covered her in shame, and more often than not she had to start turning it around or placing it face down so she wouldn't catch it out of the corner of her eye. Blaine never said anything when she did this, they didn't do much talking when they were alone together as it was, his eyes usually cautious as they watched as if he was waiting for her to freak out about it. She'd silence that look with a kiss, climbing into his lap, and then they'd be back to where they had been before.

It irritated her, dug under her skin, how he could be so calm about everything they were doing. How it was never him to call her up in the middle of the night on the edge of tears, wondering just what was wrong with them that they could do this to the two people they claimed to leave the most. How it was never him who seemed to get jealous when Finn mauled her in public, and yet she had to fight every bone in her body not to yank Kurt's hand away from Blaine's when they did something as simple as walk down the halls together.

She didn't think he didn't care-she knew he did. He told her as much when she was having one of her meltdowns, his tone soft and soothing as he whispered about how he loved her, how wonderful she was, how they weren't horrible people-sometimes you just can't help falling in love with more than one person, and it would be a disservice to themselves not to go for it.

She yelled at him about it once, how if he wasn't going to claim her for his own he couldn't stare at her like he did, even if no one ever seemed to think anything of it. He had quieted her down with a kiss, the way he always did, leaving her breathless and desperate for more, reminding her just why she was going through all this trouble that would only end up fucking her over in the end.

She resented the weeks when he was injured, not able to see him on her own. Until his eye had healed, Rachel couldn't be allowed back in his life without Kurt and Finn following like puppies-she couldn't exactly ask for them to leave, to let her have time alone with Blaine. That was still reserved for Kurt, it was her getting ushered out of the room to leave them be while Finn beamed proudly at the ring she paraded around, merely for show. Blaine hadn't even said anything about the addition to her daily attire, though he'd occasionally fiddle with it when they lay silently in his bed, doing nothing more than curling up around each other. She wanted to know his thoughts on it, wanted to know if he thought she was making a mistake by agreeing to this-she knew she was, but hearing it confirmed from Blaine might have given her the strength to walk away.

Rachel kept herself quiet, her wonderings of how serious they really were about each other quelled when they touched, not wanting to lose out on whatever part of him she had. It wasn't until she noticed an addition to his nightstand, a simple black frame encasing a photo of the two of them from the cast party after _West Side Story_, Rachel on Blaine's back as he carried her around-'My Maria is too tired to walk, please move!' he cried as he pushed their way through the crowd-smiles on both their faces as Kurt called their names and snapped the picture.

He noticed where her attention had been distracted to, tracing the smile on her face with his finger as his head lay gently on her chest, humming quietly. "You know I love you, don't you?" he whispered, and all she could do was nod as she slid the engagement ring off her finger, dropping it onto the nightstand near Kurt's photo-farther from them than the one featuring their own faces-smiling in contentment as she heard it clattering.

"I love you too," she replied, kissing the top of his head and holding him closer to her as his arms encircled her waist, snuggling deeper into her body and holding her safely, the thought that they'd find a way to get through this reassuring her for the first time in months.


	6. Behind Closed Doors xposted

"Happy anniversary," Finn whispered, placing a gentle kiss on the nape of Rachel's neck as he hooked the necklace he had given her.

"Thank you," she replied, touching the simple silver heart, fighting off the wave of nausea and guilt that threatened to overtake her. The one that reminded her about the fact that her heart wasn't Finn's, not really, hadn't been for almost three years.

Getting married the summer after high school had been a stupid idea, Rachel knew that now. At the time it had seemed like she knew everything, knew Finn was the love of her life, knew she didn't need anything as long as she had him. But New York had slapped her in the face, opening her eyes to a world of possibilities she had never even thought of. Suddenly, marrying her high school sweetheart seemed dumb.

But admitting that meant facing failure, so Rachel did her best to remain a doting wife and full time student and push for her dreams. There were times it seemed damn near impossible, and had it not been for Kurt, and Blaine, she might not have made it.

Without Blaine, she'd have ended up back in Lima. She was sure of that now, at the age of 22.

They say most people meet the love of their life at an early age, high school to be exact. And Rachel believed she had.

She just married the wrong one.

* * *

><p>It started on a drunken night, Rachel's arms wrapped around his neck as he tried to carry her to his bed, talking about how she just needed sleep for everything to seem okay again. But she had looked in his face, into his eyes, and in that moment it hit her.<p>

She didn't want it to seem okay.

She had leaned up to kiss him, eliciting a strangled squeak from his mouth before he gave in, falling onto the bed with her. The fact that she bore a wedding ring on her left hand, that this was the bed he slept in with Kurt, it all got ignored.

The next morning, they knew there was no going back.

"Did we-"

"Yes," she whispered, her head pounding as she looked around for her clothes, holding the sheet tightly to her chest.

"Oh." He fell silent, and when she risked a glance in his direction she could see his head in his hands. "That was probably-"

"A mistake, yeah."

"You're married," he whispered, eyes wide as he looked at her now. She just smiled at him, trying to smooth down a curl that had sprung out of place.

"And you're gay."

"So this can't happen again."

"No," she said, her voice falling silent as the night before played again in her mind, how it seemed natural and right, how they had fit so well together. How he seemed to know her body and what she wanted without her even asking.

It took two weeks, three days and four hours before they decided they couldn't help themselves, Blaine pulling Rachel into a dressing room of the auditorium she had been rehearsing in.

* * *

><p>They didn't speak of it, had managed to find a balance of just friends in front of Kurt and Finn, and anything but whenever they could risk it. They were hesitant to even acknowledge it when they were alone, Blaine wincing when she once mentioned their affair.<p>

Neither knew what they were doing, both knew they should stop. And yet, somehow, they found an excuse to keep doing it regardless.

Graduation day arrived with an air of triumph and excitement, Kurt nearly tackling her over in praise. He, himself, had transferred from NYADA to Parsons after their freshman year, knew how difficult it was, and refused to let go of her as they laughed about what a huge star she could become now.

She found out later that night half his excitement came from Blaine proposing to him, that they were going to get married in only two short months.

Rachel didn't leave her bedroom for nearly a week.

* * *

><p>He tried to explain it to her, used excuses like "You're married!" and "I still love him Rachel!". She sat silently, watching him pace and rant, not saying a word. Her heart was breaking into a thousand pieces in front of him, and regardless of how hypocritical it made her, she couldn't see a way out of it except to stop.<p>

When he sat on the coffee table in front of her, hands falling to her knees as he earnestly told her how much he loved her too, she did everything she could to fight off tears.

And when he leaned over to kiss her, she turned her head from him, a quiet "No," being uttered as she denied him for the first time in almost two years.

It was her who went crawling back to him, crying about how she didn't know when they'd turned out this way, she missed him, she needed him.

When he said he loved her later that night, arms wrapped around her and fingers gently skimming over her bare skin, she knew they were doomed, forever in this cycle.

* * *

><p>The week Blaine and Kurt disappeared for their honeymoon was the longest Rachel could ever remember. She had thrown herself into rehearsals for the off-Broadway production she had been cast in, thrown herself into Finn as much as possible, but it wasn't the same. He wasn't Blaine, and Rachel didn't want anyone else.<p>

Blaine surprised her the day he got back, waiting with a cab for her as she got off work, telling her how much he had missed her as the taxi drove them around the city, their mouths seemingly attached to the others. She had no idea how much he must have paid the driver to allow what happened in the back of the cab, just knew that by the time she was dropped off her skirt was on backwards and her make up mussed.

* * *

><p>"You know," he said with a grin one day, "this is almost a whole new level of wrong."<p>

"Hmm?" She asked, turning her face into his chest. Finn was in Lima with Kurt for their parents anniversary, Blaine and Rachel allowed a whole weekend to themselves.

"Well, now we're practically related."

She glanced up at him, a confused expression on her face. "How on earth-"

"You're Kurt's sister-in-law, and I'm Finn's brother-in-law," Blaine said simply, his eyes bright in a way she only got to see so often.

"You're an idiot," she laughed, pushing him over so he lost his balance he had been using to lean on his side.

"You still love me though, right?" He asked, pretending to be wounded as she climbed on top of him, leaning over so her lips were brushing his own as she answered.

"Always."

* * *

><p>"London? Are you kidding me Rach?" Finn yelled, slamming the cabinet he had been rummaging through shut.<p>

"It's a great opportunity," she replied warily, "And you don't have to come with."

"What am I supposed to do? Stay here? I don't even like the city Rachel, I'm here for you."

"If you're only here for me, Finn, then we have bigger problems than my job in London," she said, hands folding over her chest. They had done nothing for months now, nothing other than fight and yell and bicker and scream at each other while Rachel worked her way through the company, rising faster than most had ever seen. She was tired of it, and spent more nights out with Blaine than she'd be willing to admit.

She had been spending so much time with him, that even Finn had become suspicious. Regardless that both were married now, that Blaine was gay, she had slipped up once or twice, let Finn see her the second she parted from the one she wanted to be with. He hadn't said a word at the time, merely glared as she hurried to shower, to scrub the waning guilt off her skin before she allowed Finn near her. But the thing was, she wasn't guilty anymore. She just didn't love Finn enough to feel bad about what she and Blaine were doing, she didn't want him enough to try and hide it anymore.

"Maybe we do," Finn said quietly, his arms over his own chest as they stared each other down.

"I think we're over," she said quietly, admitting what she had known for so long, the failure washing over her in a way nothing else could. He didn't say a word before he stormed out of the apartment, leaving Rachel to crumple to the floor and let herself mourn the very thing she had destroyed at her own hand.

* * *

><p>The divorce went through quickly, both ready to be rid of it-Rachel preparing for her move, Finn heading back to Ohio. The apartment would be abandoned, some of the bigger things Rachel wanted to keep in the city being moved into storage in the basement of Kurt and Blaine's building.<p>

Blaine was putting on a brave face about the news. The only time she had seen more conflict on his face from the day she told him about the divorce was the day she told him about her move. "I can't leave Kurt," was his only response to both, and she understood. She didn't like it, wanted to bring him with her, but she knew he needed Kurt.

Kurt was his rock, was the thing that kept Blaine able to recognize himself. Rachel wished it was her, wished she was the thing Blaine could latch onto like that, but she knew that their entire relationship was a sham as it was. Their feelings might have been real in the dark of the night, in the sneaking around and the thrill of being wrong, but in the harsh lights of reality they couldn't make it.

They had hurt too many others to make it out of anything unscathed.

She waited for him to ask her to stay, to beg her not to go, but he never did and it was with a heavy heart that she packed her last bag, hugging a tearful Kurt goodbye at the airport. "You're going to do amazing," Kurt whispered in her ear, always her supporter, always the one who would be hurt if she came clean about her woes. "I wish I could come see you."

"I'll be back before you know it," she promised, her eyes turning onto Blaine.

Kurt seemed to sense the air around them, kissing Rachel quickly on the cheek before heading back towards the doors, claiming to catch a taxi for the two of them back to midtown. "You're going to outshine them all, you know," Blaine told her with a small smile.

"I'm going to miss you," she whispered, her eyes watering instinctively as she took him in, knowing this was the last time she'd see him like this. With any hold over him at all.

He didn't say anything in return, merely took her into his arms, wrapping her in his hold tightly. She could feel the tension in his body, how stiff he was holding himself, how he was holding back. He didn't want her to go, but he'd never tell her that. He'd never let her give up her fight for her dream, for her career. She loved him, and he knew that, but he knew her career was always going to come first.

She didn't want to cry, had specifically told herself not to the entire cab ride to the airport, but as his head rested on top of her own she felt the tears fall, trying to keep her breath steady. "Come with me," she cried, her voice barely above a whisper as she held on for as long as possible.

"You know I wish I could," he told her, his voice steady but strained. "But you have to do this for yourself, Rachel. You have to do this on your own." She pulled back, nodding at his words and wiping away the tears with a watery laugh for letting herself get so emotional.

"Do you still love me?" she asked quietly, and with a swift kiss-chaste, practically, just a light brush of his lips on her own before Kurt came back-he nodded and brushed a stray piece of hair out of her face.

"Always."


	7. Distraction xposted

Blaine had never seen Rachel take a moment to relax. During rehearsals, she was busy running lines, going over choreography, demanding Blaine's attention as she gave him pointers on how to become a better Tony. If, for some reason, she deemed their performance for the day acceptable, she was busy working on her application to NYADA and ranting at Kurt about all the things they had to get done before the deadline.

It gave Blaine a headache, and he had no idea how Rachel was handling it.

"Do you ever take a moment to breathe?" he made the mistake of asking one day between scenes, Mike going over some of the steps with Santana and Puck on stage while she muttered about some European war under her breathe.

"No," she stated, not even bothering to glance at him. For all of Kurt's worrying about the two of them playing Tony and Maria, for Rachel to cling onto Blaine in a way that might 'lure him away' again, it seemed to be the opposite. Rachel seemed to enjoy Blaine's presence, told him he was talented, but was too wrapped up in everything she had to get done to even think about stealing Blaine away.

"You need a distraction," he said, and now she put down her book to stare at him. "An afternoon off."

"No," she said simply, going back to her textbook before he could grab it off her lap, standing up quickly and starting to run off with it. He heard her huff, knowing she wouldn't yell in the theater as she chased him, breaking into a run once he reached the outside doors, and now she was screaming, Blaine just chuckling as he ducked behind a wall, grabbing her wrist when she almost passed him.

"You took my book," she whined, and he just gave her a grin while holding it behind his back.

"I did," he said calmly. "I was thinking, if you're _so _insistent on working non-stop, there's probably a scene we should practice." She tensed slightly, catching on to his drift quicker than he had thought she might, looking around for a moment.

"Just as a rehearsal technique?" she asked quietly, and he nodded.

"We're going to have to do it on stage, in front of all those people…you don't want it to look forced, do you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, and she let out a quiet sigh, he knew he had her where he wanted her now.

"You're still gay, right?" He let out a laugh, not sure on how to answer the question as he nodded, deciding words weren't necessarily. "Just this one time," she said quietly, moving closer to him and leaning on her toes, her mouth quickly pressed against his own.

He decided he was _definitely _going to have to start distracting her more often.


	8. First Time I Ever Saw Your Face xposted

She knows she should be thinking about Finn right now, the first time she saw him. She could remember it, of course, because the moment had seemed slowed down in time, as if she was in a movie. She had no idea that he would soon become the boy she'd fall in love with, that he'd share her first kiss with her, that she'd wind up in torrents of drama because of him.

But the words she was singing didn't remind her of any of that.

Instead, they took her to a time-brief, momentary-when she had first seen Blaine. She had heard about the boy, of course, from Kurt. Still, when he came up to them to call Kurt back to the rest of the Warbler's-she was caught off guard. The boy was gorgeous, and she could see why on the surface Kurt was already crushing on him.

"Hey," was all he said to her in that moment, and she was so wrapped up in all of her drama between her and Finn that she didn't really realize how much more they'd have in front of them. That this simple 'hey' was going to bring her into an even more complicated situation.

She was stunned by his performance that day, with how much stage-presence he had, how talented he was. She was drawn to him, immediately. Something inside her clicked, the song that constantly sang about Finn was now directed towards the boy she knew virtually nothing about.

She tried ignoring it, as she got to know him better. As they sat across from each other in the Lima Bean, Kurt trying his hardest to impress Blaine while Blaine smiled easily in Rachel's direction. She never knew if he felt the same pull she did, in that moment, but she knew something small in her had definitely changed.

And when they kissed-she knew it meant something more to him than an experiment, more than them being drunk. They were deluding themselves if they said that was all there was too it. That was the first time she knew he was feeling the same she was, the look on his face more confused than ever before when they pulled away in the coffee shop.

It was the same look he'd give her during rehearsals for _West Side Story_, or when she asked him for help on _Extraordinary Merry Christmas_. He looked at her like the rest of the world fell away, like she was the most important thing in the universe. She did the same with him, she knew it. But she was better at hiding her affection for him than he was, better at keeping their secret from leaking out.

She opened her eyes, gazing out in the auditorium and expecting to just see Mr. Schuester watching their performance, but her eyes were quickly drawn to the back row where Blaine was now seated, head rested in his chin as his gaze was directed straight towards her. Kurt wasn't with him, Finn wasn't with him, it was just Blaine, there for her and only her.

She felt the tear trail down her cheek as the song came to an end, singing with everything she had to the boy she'd give anything to.


	9. Your Love's A Drug xposted

"We'll leave you two be," Rachel offered, standing and grabbing Finn's hand, a small frown forming on Blaine's face.

"No, don't go," he protested, Kurt raising an eyebrow in his direction-and had he not been sitting on the side of his good eye, Blaine could have lived in blissful ignorance of the look.

"No offense, dude, but you're really out of it anyways," Finn grinned, Blaine shrugging his shoulders as Rachel hesitated, seemingly torn between letting Finn lure her away and making herself more comfortable closer to Blaine. He had to admit, in his drugged state, that he was proud that she'd even consider the option. That maybe, under several painkillers that stopped the pain in his eye for a little while, he could admit he enjoyed whatever pull he had over her. "Come on, Rachel," Finn's voice called out, breaking the spell that seemed to have been cast over Rachel and Blaine as they stared at each other, her face turning back to her boyfriend.

"Right," she said, nodding in affirmation, as if it would convince herself more than it would convince any of them.

"I don't get a hug?" Blaine whined, playing up the sick card as best he could for any contact from her, not expecting Finn to come and hug him first, but smirking as the boy did so.

"I think he meant from Rachel," Kurt deadpanned, rolling his eyes at his stepbrother as Finn stepped back, his hand shoving Kurt lightly in the shoulder before he moved out of the way to let Rachel say goodbye.

"We'll come back soon, okay?" she asked, and he wanted to say '_no, not 'we'-just you_', but he was still sober enough to know that would be a bad idea, so he settled on smiling at her as she held onto him for a moment, his senses overwhelmed by her even for a second.

"Very soon," he pressed when she pulled back, and a smile tugged on her lips before she pressed them to his forehead, his eye fluttering shut at the sensation, his stomach swooping low before she pulled away, her hand squeezing his as their eyes-well, her eyes and his one-met momentarily, the spark going unnoticed by the other two in the room, just like it always did.

He wondered how obvious they had to be about their attraction to the other before they would notice, what the final straw would be before Kurt snapped or Finn started throwing things.

"I'll see you later," Kurt said to Finn as Rachel's fingers danced through the ends of her hair, her nervous habit as she walked away, Finn's hand landing gently on her back as they headed for the door, Blaine ignoring whatever Kurt started talking about as Rachel turned her head just slightly in his direction once more before disappearing down the stairs, Finn's voice traveling as he asked her what she wanted for dinner.

He blamed the prescription drugs for the text he sent her that night, for the _you should come see me without Finn and Kurt, I miss my Maria_, but he never asked what she blamed for the reason she showed up at nearly 8pm, alone and empty handed the next evening.


	10. How My Heart Behaves xposted

"It's been you, all along, hasn't it?" she asked quietly as soon as he swung open the door, and he couldn't find himself doing anything but nodding.

* * *

><p>It started as a joke, really, in his drugged up state her senior year. He was already sending presents to Kurt to make up for being basically incapacitated from doing anything fun, and it only seemed natural to slide a card into her locker on his way out of the school. When he had been working on it-his mother rolling her eyes as she passed by and saw his bed littered with construction paper and glitter, markers rolling off and landing on the floor as he tried to disguise his handwriting as best he could-he had told himself it was just as a friend. That there was no doubt in his mind Finn would somehow find a way to fuck up the holiday for her, ruin it completely as he had the previous one and surely the one before that, even if she had been dating Jesse, and she deserved better than that.<p>

She deserved better than Finn, but Blaine had learned long ago to keep his mouth shut on that subject around just about anyone except Mike.

He never heard about her reaction to the card, and she never mentioned it to anyone, although he noticed it pinned to her bulletin board one summer afternoon a few months later when the two were watching movies to drown their boredom from their missing boyfriends. She saw him glance in the direction of it, smiling at him, but they didn't say anything in regards to it before her attention was diverted by the characters on the screen once more, her voice running a mile a minute as she analyzed the scene in front of them.

Blaine merely kept the proud feeling he experienced to himself.

* * *

><p>The second year was the one they had been separated, and Blaine missed her terribly. She hadn't come home over winter break, choosing instead to stay in the city to 'audition for various musicals, even if there's no chance I'll land a role.' He bit his tongue from saying that it was more an avoidance of Finn that kept her away, after their blow up over Thanksgiving, the engagement ring she had been wearing for so long now thrown in his face as Kurt and Blaine stood awkwardly by, Carole and Burt speechless as Rachel stormed out of the house.<p>

She had been spending a lot of time with Jesse, who she had found at one of the auditions she went to over her break, but Blaine sent the Valentine to her anyways. Jesse might have been holding back from moving into an actual relationship, but Blaine thought she ought to have something in her mailbox to make her smile, make her feel loved and wanted. Even if he couldn't be there in person, and even if she had no idea it was from him-he couldn't very well ask, after all, and she continued to stay silent on the subject-he was comforted that there was at least something that made her smile on a day she complained about for weeks prior.

* * *

><p>The third year she was gone, away for the weekend with Jesse, who had finally come to his senses and committed to her a few months prior. That didn't stop him from sending the card before spending his own Valentine's day alone, wandering through Central Park and ignoring Kurt's desperate pleas to at least spend the day together, their relationship having fallen apart back over the summer as Blaine made his own transfer to the city, only to find that Kurt was entirely different from how he had been in high school and Blaine ready to make his own changes.<p>

He held onto Rachel, however, clinging tighter to her than even before, and she seemed to do the same to him. She told him he was the last real reminder of who she had become by the time graduation came around, Kurt often wrapped up in his own world and too busy for her and Jesse never around often enough to really know who she had been.

Blaine always put her first, something he knew he probably shouldn't have done as often as he did, but she appreciated it all the same. "You're the best person in my life," she confided late one night after Jesse had stormed off in a fit on annoyance over something Blaine hadn't noticed, Rachel's mouth a thin line as she watched him walk away.

_And you're mine_, he silently replied, staying still as she let out a heavy sigh to chase after her hardheaded boyfriend.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for spending the day with me," she whispered on the fourth year, the card he had mailed a week ago sitting on her kitchen counter.<p>

"Of course," he replied, wrapping his arms around her as she curled into his side, a box of tissues wedged between them as she covered herself once more with a blanket. Jesse had dumped her, out of the blue, nearly a week ago and she was still recovering, Blaine doing his duty as best friend to keep her comforted. "I wouldn't want to spend this day with anyone else anyways," he grinned, the truth slipping out so easily he was worried about the damage it could inflict.

"Please," she replied with a roll of her watery eyes, "you and Ben have been basically inseparable for weeks now. I'm sure he hates me for taking you away from him on Valentine's day," she groaned, burying her face in his side. He chuckled, keeping the fact that Ben had become more than a little hostile towards Rachel in the past few days to himself, picking her face up in his hands and demanding she look at him.

"He's nowhere near as important as you, okay?" he asked, satisfied when she nodded as he picked up the remote. "Now, what are we watching next?"

* * *

><p>The previous year, it was his turn to be in a relationship again, to be gone from her while she spent the night studying late into the night in order to graduate on time. The date didn't escape him at all, Ben giving him a weird look as he slipped the envelope in a mailbox down the street from her house. It felt safer to mail them, to give him some sort of anonymity even if she knew they were coming from him, and at this point he figured she'd have to have been stupid not to know where her annual cards were coming from.<p>

Ben did his best to distract Blaine from Rachel's absence, and he tried as hard as he could to enjoy their time spent in Boston, a new city for a new pace. But three weeks later, when Ben told him that he was moving to the city after graduation, Blaine couldn't find it in himself to care.

* * *

><p>"It took me awhile," she admitted, still standing in his doorway-it was nearly three in the morning, and Blaine had a test the next day, but he'd never turn her away. "The first time, I thought maybe it was Finn-trying to do something sweet, you know?" Blaine frowned his arms crossed as he leaned against the doorjamb, taking in her disheveled hair and the tiny run in her nylons under her black dress. She had been supposed to be off on a date for the evening, some new guy in her company, and her appearance was a complete surprise to him.<p>

"But then, that second year-I knew it had to have been someone else, because Finn wasn't trying to get me back or anything. And Jesse hadn't been around the year prior, that we knew about at least. Still, it wasn't until the third one arrived that I realized it was you."

"Why didn't you just ask?" Blaine questioned, raising an eyebrow as she placed her hands on her hips, lips pursed.

"And why didn't you just sign your name?" He laughed, nodding at her retaliation.

"Touché," he replied, giving in. "I just wanted you to know there was someone out there thinking about you, I guess," he finally told her after a couple minutes of silence, her gaze steady on his own. "That someone cares."

Her lips curled up a bit, her skin flushing pink as she directed her gaze down towards her heels, and he watched as her fingers moved over the edge of the card in her hand. It wasn't the first time he'd seen her slightly embarrassed, flattered even if she didn't want to admit it. It was, however, the first time that he felt the strength to reach out and caress her cheek, the skin under his fingertips smooth and warm as she glanced up at him once more. "It's late, you know," he said quietly. "You should probably come inside so you're not wandering the city at this hour."

She merely nodded, taking his hand in her own as she stepped inside his small apartment, a coy grin on her face as he locked the door before following her to his bedroom.

* * *

><p>She awoke in an empty bed, frowning slightly as she sat up. She knew Blaine had early mornings, much earlier than hers at the very least, but she had hoped he'd stay for even a little bit. It was, after all, practically a joint holiday for them now.<p>

Still, she padded into the kitchen, wrapping his sweatshirt closer around her as she rummaged in the cupboards to find the things she needed to make herself some tea and oatmeal for breakfast, her eyes falling to the card sitting on the counter, a gold star drawn on the front in permanent marker.

She'd lived for these cards for so long, especially when it clicked in that they were from Blaine, all of them collected in a box she kept hidden away in her closet to look at whenever she was sad. She rarely was these days, too busy working in an off-Broadway production and adjusting to live as Blaine's fiancée, but they were something she knew she'd cherish forever.

She grinned as she opened it, the short cheesy poem warming her heart as she traced over the words "To the future Mrs. Anderson,", but her heart seemed to stop entirely at the simple signature, the one she had waited to see for so long.

_Love always, Blaine_.


	11. I'm Only Sleeping xposted

He heard the door of his room open, heard the noises from the hallway outside, but he rolled over in an attempt to shut the noise out, hoping it was just his roommate who'd notice him napping and leave him alone. He'd had a long day, on top of an already long week, and he just wanted to sleep it off for a couple hours.

It wasn't until he heard an overtly feminine sigh and the lock of the door that he turned his head back around, cracking an eye open to see Rachel placing her shoes by the door before walking softly towards him, a smile growing on his face.

"Hi," he whispered, startling her slightly before she smiled and climbed into the bed with him, he doing his best to move over in the small space.

"Hi," she replied, voice just as quiet as her body wrapped around his, a leg thrown casually over his hip like it belonged there-and he was sure it did, his fingers coming to rest on her bare thigh under her skirt-her arms over his waist.

"Missed you," he murmured, pressing his face into her neck, smelling the floral perfume she so often wore that drove him crazy, his lips gently pressing a kiss just below her ear.

"I missed you too," she replied, her eyes already closing as she let herself decompress, and he smiled despite himself. She worked so hard, rarely letting herself relax, and he always felt a surge of pride when she did so because of him. It almost rivaled the pride he felt when she fell apart in his hands, his name tumbling from her lips in a world narrowed down to the two of them. "Sleep with me," she demanded quietly when she opened her eyes to see him staring at her, a stupid grin on his face. The words could have gone either way with his hands splayed across bare skin no on else was allowed access too, her hips aligned with his own, but he merely nodded as he gave her a small kiss.

"Night Rachel," he mumbled, closing his eyes again and letting himself fall into a dream world where they could do so much more than sleep.


	12. Best Of Me

How many times had Rachel had the words 'dance with me' fall from Blaine's mouth, his hand reaching out to pull her onto whatever platform they were near, whether it was her kitchen at 3am or across a bridge in Central Park or in a stuffy hotel ballroom at Mike and Tina's wedding. She always said yes, always let him pull her in close, closing her eyes as she reveled in the way his body felt against hers even momentarily, how his hands fell perfectly to her waist as they moved in time to the song playing quietly throughout the room.

She could feel his breath on her neck as he twirled them around, cutting through where Kurt and his current boyfriend were dancing not even half as intimately as Rachel was with Blaine, the words Michael Bublé was crooning away on the speaker system being sung quietly in her ear by the voice she'd prefer sing all the songs to her.

It wasn't the first time that a song had struck a chord deep inside her, the one that wondered what it would be like if she took a chance with Blaine, pushed aside her past and his own and leapt into an unknown territory with him, and she was sure it wouldn't be the last. But as the words '_you were the one romance I've always known in my mind_' were sung quietly to her, she wondered if there was any depth to what he was singing, if he believed in the words as much as she did.

It wasn't until they pulled back, slightly, his hands still loose around her waist as she looked up at him that she knew-whatever it was that she felt, tried to keep hidden so far away, were the same that he felt, the same that he had been trying to ignore. They could have had a huge moment, full of declarations and promises, romance and the kind of story people would try and work into future novels and movies, but as she leaned over to place a small kiss on the corner of his mouth, she simply whispered "I love you," feeling his smile grow beneath her lips as he whispered the same back.


	13. Merry Happy xposted

"I'm nervous," she admitted, her stomach bundling with nerves as she paced up and down the deserted hallway, everyone else already ready and in place for the opening of the show.

"You're going to do fine," he promised, leaning against the wall with a grin in her direction. "You're going to do better than fine. No one is ready for this more than you are."

"How can you be so calm, Blaine?" she practically shrieked, fighting the urge to pull out her tightly wound curls. "This is the biggest night of my entire life and I'm going to go on that stage and humiliate myself. I'll forget words and miss steps and completely mess up lines, I should have never been deemed the leading role, Blaine, I'm going to mess everything up!"

"Hey," he said, coming towards her and grabbing ahold of her wrists, holding them tightly while she looked up at him, his eyes calming her down as he leaned down to kiss the tip of her nose so as to not mess up her lipstick. "You earned this part, you worked your way up here. No one deserved this role more than you, no one spent countless hours running lines they'd memorized long ago, keeping their boyfriend awake all hours of the night to run through choreography," he teased gently, the corners of her lips twitching upwards.

"You didn't have to help me," she replied sheepishly.

"Of course I did," he promised, "otherwise I wouldn't have gotten to hold it over your head. Now, go out there and own that stage," he said, hugging her tightly before pushing her towards the stage door. "I'll be in that front row, watching you take Broadway by storm," he grinned, winking at her as she watched him go, taking a deep breath to steady herself.

"You can do this, Rachel," she whispered quietly to herself, nodding in affirmation before she headed back stage to ready herself for her place.

* * *

><p>The show went off without a hitch, Rachel singing every note perfectly and landing every line effortlessly. Blaine had literally swept her off her feet when he met her backstage, pushing through the cast and crew that was milling about as they got ready to depart for the party the producer was holding in his loft that evening. She had laughed, her arms wrapped around his neck as he twirled her around, his mouth placing kisses along her hair line as he whispered about how proud he was, how happy he was that his girlfriend was a huge Broadway star.<p>

"Not a star yet," she reminded him, but he waved it off with one last kiss, muttering the word 'Soon,' against her lips before pulling back and letting her change into street clothes. "I'll be quick," she promised, and sure enough it was barely ten minutes later that she re-emerged, hair loose around her shoulders and sporting her favorite dress he had given her last Hannakuh.

Blaine waited for her to greet fans by the stagedoor, and she noticed him grinning as he stood by the car that was placed there for them as she signed autographs on playbills featuring her own face. It was a magical moment, to be finally doing what she had wanted for so long, and had the air not been cold on her bare legs she would have stayed there all night until she met every single person who wanted to meet her.

He held her tight when she finally got into the car, going over every minute of her performance and telling her how great she was, her smile brighter than the entirety of Times Square as they drove through it, pedestrians and taxis slowing their drive uptown. She felt like she was riding an emotional high, her entire body buzzing with excitement, and she knew there was no chance she'd be able to fall asleep that night, even if the idea of crawling into their bed with Blaine was tempting.

The music was loud by the time they entered the loft on the top floor of some building on the Upper West Side, Blaine's hand secure around Rachel's waist as people came up to congratulate her on a performance well-done. Her director came over, winking in Blaine's direction that he better hold onto her tight, because she was going to be a huge star, Rachel only laughing as her costar brought her a drink.

"Cheers baby," he whispered, kissing her cheek affectionately before knocking their glasses together. "We're going to go big time now."

"Cheers to us," she grinned in return before downing her glass of champagne before he walked away, mingling into the crowd. "Dance with me," she asked, looking up at Blaine with innocent eyes, and he merely chuckled as he led her towards the middle of the room, half her cast mates clearly on their way past tipsy as they grinded with each other, with crew members, with anyone that happened to float into the party.

Rachel grabbed another glass of champagne on her way, Blaine sipping on his own before they placed the empty glasses on a table in order to wrap themselves in each other, her arms around his neck as his hands fell to her waist, dragging her closer to him. She'd never get over how intoxicating it felt to feel his body close to hers, how his broad shoulders were perfect for her to grab onto, how his hips moved in perfect rhythm to the music around them.

She giggled lightly as she grabbed onto them, swaying her own to the music as he ducked his head into her neck, kissing her lightly. She could feel the light headed effects of the alcohol, the power trip she was still on, of Blaine himself, and she knew it wouldn't be long until she was completely dragged under with it. "You were so gorgeous on that stage," Blaine whispered, his mouth hovering over her ear as his hands moved from her waist to her back, pulling her in closer to himself. "Watching you sing like that-Rachel, you're amazing," he continued, moving from her ear to the base of her neck, kissing sensitive spots he knew all too well would send her into a haze of desire.

"Blaine," she gasped out as his fingers pressed harder into her back, gulping for fresh air as she looked at the dark expression in his eyes, the one that only boded well for her. "Find someplace, now," she demanded, but he shook his head, grabbing her hand and leading her to the elevator instead.

"I don't want to have to carry you home, again," he teased as the elevator closed behind them, and suddenly her back was against the wall and his mouth on her own, their lips mashed together in a comfortable way that left her begging for more, his tongue teasing as it swiped across her bottom lip before the elevator dinged, announcing their arrival to the first floor once more.

"Tease," she whined, following him out to the cold winter air outside, waiting as he grabbed them a taxi. It took a moment before one came to a stop at the curb, Blaine holding the door open so she could slide in before him, his hand falling to her bare knee as he quickly followed. He leaned forward to tell the driver their address, his hand moving so subtly up her leg that she was almost sure she was imagining it, but the smirk on his face as he leaned back, glancing out the window, let her know his moves were completely intentional.

She found herself squirming slightly in her spot, his body radiating heat onto her and causing her own skin to burn fire under his light touch, her lip falling between her teeth as he grazed the inside of her thigh, looming ever higher. "Blaine," she whispered, but his smirk merely grew in size as he pushed her legs further apart, his fingertips moving across the light fabric covering her. She whimpered quietly, moving her hips subtly in a request for more, and he gave into her, moving her underwear aside and pushing inside of her without a warning. She tried to hide her squeal of surprise by burying her face in his arm, biting down on the suit coat he wore, but she was sure the cab driver had heard her anyways.

She'd always been the more adventurous of the two, initiating things outside of their home, and it felt so much dirtier with Blaine's fingers moving incredibly slowly inside her, making her yearn for more, knowing that she hadn't asked for it first. She could feel herself nearing oblivion just on that fact alone, his fingers working with an expert knowledge that he had learned over the years. "Blaine," she muttered again, her breathing heavy against his arm as she tried to hide her flushed cheeks and blown pupils from the driver, Blaine chuckling lightly in response as he placed a small kiss on the top of her head. She quickly moved her head up to catch his lips, and it was only with his teeth capturing her lip that she let herself fall over the edge, whining louder than intended as her body clamped down around his fingers, keeping him inside her as much as she could.

"Here!" The driver announced within seconds of her orgasm, her eyes opening wide as Blaine pulled free from her grip, wiping his hand free of her juices on his pant leg with a wink as she whimpered next to him at the sight before he paid the driver and grabbed her hand, pulling her out of the car.

She practically dragged him inside the building, laughing loudly when he grabbed her from behind and carried her towards the elevator, only placing her down once they were inside the apartment once more. She made no hesitation to undress him, pushing off his coat as he slammed the door shut, his mouth once more on her own as he unzipped the side of her dress, pushing it over her shoulders and letting it fall to the floor somewhere between the main hallway and their bedroom. Her giggling quieted down as she was pushed against the wall once more, her hands making quick work of his belt as his mouth descended across her skin, trailing fire with his tongue as her back arched for more.

"Please," she whispered, her voice hoarse as he grabbed her hips, lifting her up as her legs quickly found their way around his waist, her mouth pulling on his neck harshly as he moved them towards their bedroom, falling backwards on the bed and pulling her with him. She shimmied out of her underwear without a second to spare, his own hands moving to get rid of the rest of his offending clothing before he pushed her backwards on the bed, hovering over her with a dark grin, his pupils dark and wide as he trailed over her body with only his eyes. She felt a shiver run through her as he inspected her, like she had some sort of electrical charge running through her and all it'd take was one simple touch from him to light the spark.

She let out a small whine and that seemed to break whatever spell Blaine was under, his palm tracing gently over her side as he kissed her. The urgency seemed to dissipate as they kissed lazily, although Rachel's thighs still opened for him to fall between. "I love you so much," he whispered as he kissed her eyelid, and she could only hum in agreement as she moved her fingers over his back.

When he finally pushed into her, she breathed a large sigh of relief, her body feeling more complete and whole as they started moving together. It was sweet and tender, something they'd learned to be after nearly three years together. She'd found that while passionate and fierce was amazing, the slowed down pace they'd allow themselves occasionally could be just as wonderful and mind-blowing.

She arched her back into him, her skin electrified from the feel of his on her, letting out a small shudder as her hips thrusted upwards to meet his. His tongue drew lines across her shoulders, teeth occasionally biting down as her nails dug into his lower back in an attempt to draw him in further, her walls tightening around him to keep him there longer. It didn't take too much time before her panting became obvious, his own breathing harsh in her ear as they came to an end, their sounds mixing together as they clung tightly to the other.

"I love you too," she said after a moment, letting her eyes flutter closed as Blaine moved to wrap his arms around her, placing one last soft kiss on her shoulder before they drifted off to sleep.


	14. Baby Got Back xposted

_Kurt is right there. _

_You need to stop staring at Rachel's ass. _

_She is your friend. _

_Your straight friend. _

_Who is dating your other straight friend. _

_You are gay. _

_You are so, so very gay. _

Blaine tried not to appear as if he was _leering_, even if he was sure he was. He wanted to know who thought this was a good idea-the girls all dancing to Sir Mix-A-Lot; though he was sure the answer was Santana. He could hear Kurt tittering next to him, half the guys in the group staring in awe, most fixated on the Cheerio's in the group, but Blaine couldn't tell you who anyone else in the group even _was_, Rachel seemed to have completely captivated him once more.

She always seemed to figure out a way to do that.

He tried clearing his throat, tried watching Quinn, Tina, _anyone_, but his eyes were drawn immediately back to Rachel, and with a mixture of horror and arousal he realized she was winking at him.

_You are so, so not gay for Rachel Berry. _


	15. Lay All Your Love On Me xposted

**a/n: **seblainchel porn written for an anonymous prompt~!

* * *

><p>"She's actually going to marry him," Blaine muttered, shaking his head as Sebastian scoffed across from him, Santana simply rolling her eyes in Blaine's direction. He'd gravitated more towards them since the wedding was postponed, Kurt caving in to the insane idea as he helped Rachel plan an actual wedding, an extravagant event that was to take place days before she left for New York.<p>

"Anderson, you're making me nauseous with all this unrequited love bullshit," Santana snapped, Sebastian nodding in agreement.

"You could easily stop this," Sebastian replied with his normal bored tone. "All you have to do is tell her the real reason you and Kurt broke up."

"I didn't break up with Kurt for Rachel," Blaine lied thinly, though hiding behind his excuse of 'he's moving to New York' and 'we just weren't working together' was becoming more and more difficult, especially around those who read him like a book. One of whom, he hated to admit, was Rachel herself. Not that she commented on it, or his stormy silence towards her wedding.

"I could always help you stop the wedding," Sebastian offered. "I think between the two of us, Rachel could definitely stand to learn that there's _so _much more out there." Blaine rolled his own eyes, ignoring him as Santana's smirk grew, her eyebrows lifting in a way that Blaine didn't entirely trust.

"That's not actually a bad idea," Santana finally spoke. "Baby Berry is in for a fuck ton of surprises if she thinks being married in college is a good idea. Maybe it'd pay to give her some fun before she ends her life by becoming the world's most boring future star."

"Santana, think about what you're doing," Blaine said with a hint of annoyance. "You're siding with _Sebastian_."

"Hey!" Sebastian cried, looking offended before an easy grin returned.

"You're right. I'm saying that Sebastian has a _good idea_, Blaine. Especially if it'll get you to stop looking like someone bleached your favorite bow ties," she shrugged, tossing her empty cup into the trash can by their spot. "Plus, we have the perfect opportunity."

"We? I didn't recall offering to make this a foursome," Sebastian retorted, leering in Santana's direction. "Though I suppose I can make an exception for you."

"Lay off," Santana snapped, slapping Sebastian's wandering hand off her leg. "You have a better shot in Berry's panties, which is the point we're trying to get to."

"This is ridiculous," Blaine interrupted. "You realize what you're proposing, don't you?"

"I don't see why you're so against it, Blaineykins," Sebastian smirked, Blaine glaring in the distance at the name Sebastian only pulled out when he really wanted to annoy him. "You'd get Rachel, and I'd get Rachel, and Finn Hudson would never get to put one of his trash can lid sized paws on her again."

"There's no way she'd go for it," Blaine argued. "Or even if she did, she would probably run right back to Finn anyways."

"I'm hurt, Blaine. Did _you _go back to _Kurt _after I got you to finally let me in your pants after Nationals?" Blaine tried to argue the statement, turning a bright pink in the process, Santana chuckling as she leaned across the table.

"Come on, we can win over your hobbit once and for all. Then all those heated gazes you two sent each other's way over numerous play rehearsals and in glee club won't be all for naught," Santana pried, and Blaine hated to admit that the idea was starting to pull at him, the idea of getting Rachel away from Finn once and for all tempting more than not.

"'Heated gazes'? Have you been reading romance novels or something?" Sebastian laughed, Santana swiftly kicking him under the table.

"If you had to endure watching the nauseating exchanges day in and day out, you'd have lame phrases for it too," Santana shot back.

"Well, fortunately if Blaine agrees, I get to do more than just watch," he winked in response, Blaine officially tuning them out as he mulled the idea over. It could go wrong, horribly wrong, but if Santana was right-and he hated to admit that she usually was, she was the one who caught onto him and Sebastian after only a week after all-Rachel returned at least _some _sort of affection for him.

And if he had to sit through her wedding, he wanted to make sure he'd given it his all to convince her not to go through with it.

"I'm in," he announced loudly over their bickering, the two turning to stare at him with open mouthed stares.

"Seriously?" Santana questioned, Sebastian composing himself much quicker as he nodded, a pleased look crossing over his face.

"So, what's the plan?"

* * *

><p>The plan was simple enough, according to Santana. She'd lure Rachel away from the bachelorette party Kurt was hosting and Brittany was already planning on turning from a quaint get together into a full-fledged party <em>worth <em>having, and after a few drinks she was sure Rachel would be glad to see both Blaine and Sebastian appear.

Blaine wasn't as sure about the plan.

He was getting desperate, however, with only three days left before the wedding, and so he stood in front of Sebastian and knocked on Quinn's door, waiting for Santana to lure them inside. She did so quickly, her eyes bloodshot as she skipped around wearing practically nothing, something the two boys soon discovered was a common state. Half the girls were in bikinis, some just lounging around in their bras and shorts as they floated around the pool, Kurt nowhere to be found. Blaine felt momentarily relieved and worried, but both were fleeting as soon as he found Rachel, laughing hysterically as her feet kicked in the pool she was sitting next to, Mercedes giggling on her side. She turned and spotted him almost immediately, and he offered a sheepish smile as she yelled out his name, her smile growing even wider once more.

He had expected it to be more difficult, getting her to come to him, but she stood and quickly ran across the yard to jump into his arms, Sebastian holding onto his back so he didn't fall over as he let out a laugh, his shirt completely soaked through as she pressed herself against him. "Wait!" she yelled a moment later, quieting down slightly at his wince as she pulled back. "What are you doing? This is a _girls _party."

"Kurt's here," Sebastian pointed out, waving to where said boy was now watching all of them from the doorway.

"But that's different. Kurt is _gay_," she sang, as if that was the most obvious solution in the world.

"So are we," Sebastian smirked, Blaine fighting off the eye roll that when it came to Rachel Berry, he certainly wasn't-and when it came to nearly any girl, Sebastian definitely wasn't. "We came to take you away," he continued a moment later, her confused look in Blaine's direction instead of Sebastian's as Blaine glanced warily at the other boy. "We have a surprise for you."

"I love surprises!" she squealed, grabbing Blaine's hand and nearly jumping up and down in excitement. He'd never seen her drunk while he was sober before, and it brought a smile to his face to see her letting loose and having fun, wondering briefly if she had been like the night that started everything for them. "Where is it?"

"It's at Blaine's house," Sebastian continued effortlessly, his arm wrapping around her shoulder even as she frowned.

"But my party-"

"Santana has that covered," he replied simply, and Blaine just squeezed Rachel's hand as she nodded, Santana running out of the house at the right moment with a new bottle of tequila, the other girls cheering as she announced that it was time for more shots. Blaine just laughed to himself as Rachel clung onto his arm, talking a mile a minute on their way to the car about how wonderful her party was, how she was excited about wearing the tiara Kurt had gotten for her-"It makes me look like a princess," she squealed, Sebastian just replying with a short 'You already are a princess, pretty girl' as they all slid into Sebastian's car.

She continued chattering away the entire ride to Blaine's, Sebastian playing music quietly on the radio as he drove and Blaine turned to pay attention to the girl, taking in her disheveled appearance, how her jean shorts had been unbuttoned to expose the matching red bikini bottoms she wore underneath them, her hair a tangled mess from the chlorine. Still, she was incredibly gorgeous to him, her entire being animated as she brought up how Santana had made them all play spin the bottle, Rachel having landed on nearly the entire circle-"Including Kurt once, though he wasn't as good a kisser as you are Blaine,"-before someone suggested they skinny dip.

"Skinny dipping, huh?" Sebastian asked with a raised eyebrow as they arrived at Blaine's house, his hand immediately shooting to grab ahold of Rachel's waist and lead her in the right direction. "It's too bad we didn't get there earlier."

Rachel let out another laugh, leaning into Sebastian's frame as they headed inside. "The only ones who got _completely _naked were Santana and Brittany, and weirdly enough Sugar, the rest of us just went in our bathing suits."

"How come you didn't join them?" Sebastian asked, Blaine opening his door and fighting off an eye roll as Rachel fell on his bed, curling her legs underneath herself as Sebastian sat down next to her, his trademark smirk in place as his hand landed on her thigh, fingers tracing it gently. She looked at the offending limb before turning her eyes back up to his face, her eyes widening slightly at how close he was.

"I'm not pretty like them," she said quietly, shrugging softly, and it was almost as if Sebastian had been planning for that as Blaine watched him shake his head, tisking quietly.

"Now, that's just not true. I happen to think you're gorgeous," Sebastian told her earnestly, Rachel's eyes opening even wider at his words, "and I happen to know for a _fact _that you're the only girl Blaine can get off too."

Blaine felt his face turn bright red as her own whipped around to face him, expression a mixture of confusion, intrigue and startled. "How do you know that?" she asked Sebastian, though her eyes were still focused on where Blaine was leaning against his closed door, and Sebastian just let out a throaty chuckle as his mouth moved closer to her ear.

"Because, whenever I mention you when we're fucking, he comes almost instantaneously." Blaine rolled his eyes at the exaggeration, though he had to admit the flush that covered Rachel's skin was bringing him closer to her as she didn't run out of the room screaming.

"Is that true?" she asked, her hand reaching for his own as she pulled him to his own bed, and he was almost surprised at how quickly Sebastian's words were working on her. He shouldn't have been, of course, Sebastian could talk anyone into anything, which is part of why he was okay with the other boy being present if he was really going to take a chance with Rachel.

"Not completely," he said, noting that even though Sebastian had his teeth locked on her ear lobe she was still focused on Blaine. "You're the only girl I've ever been attracted too, sexually, at least, that's true."

"But why?" she asked quietly, and he couldn't give her an answer as he stared at her helplessly, Sebastian starting to get impatient on the other side of her.

"Because he's in love with you Rachel," he whispered, and Blaine had to admit the nerve it took to tell a girl another guy loved her as his tongue slipped down her neck, but Rachel only closed her eyes in response to his movements.

"What are you doing?" she finally asked as her breath hitched slightly, Sebastian's fingers fiddling with the tie around her neck as he continued to place kisses along the edge of the fabric holding her top on, and while she didn't sound mad-if anything she was starting to sound slightly breathless, something Blaine would have lied if he said he didn't want to hear.

"We want you," Blaine finally said aloud, his own voice sounding out of place as Rachel's breathing hitched slightly, her mouth falling open slightly.

"Both of you?" she asked, a little confused, and Blaine could only nod, his hand cupping her cheek.

"But only if you want us, Rachel," he told her, making sure this was what she wanted, and he watched as she took a deep breath, her hand coming up to grab ahold of his wrist even as Sebastian's fingers danced higher on her thigh.

"I do," she nodded in consent, Sebastian smirking as he shot a wink in Blaine's direction, Blaine only noticing momentarily before she caught his lips in a kiss, surprising him as she moved towards him. Sebastian didn't seem disturbed by this, it was almost as if he was expecting it as his hands grabbed onto her hips from behind, his mouth moving across her back and pulling at the strings of her bathing suit.

She gasped slightly into Blaine's mouth as her hands dragged down his chest, her teeth sinking into his bottom lip momentarily as he pressed for more, his own hands cupping her face and pulling her in for more. He could feel Sebastian move his hands around her, pulling up on Blaine's shirt and forcing them apart as he lifted it up, Rachel shooting a look over her shoulder at the other boy only for him to lean in and kiss her, all teeth and tongue as Rachel was pressed even closer between them, Sebastian occupying her mouth as Blaine dragged her into his lap, letting his hands explore her tan skin.

She seemed content to continue kissing Sebastian, helping him out of his own clothing even as Blaine dragged her closer to his hips, grinding into her slightly for friction and eliciting a small gasp from her lips, her attention diverted enough for her fingers to dig into Blaine's shoulders deeply. He burrowed his own head in her neck, sucking hard on her skin and making sure to leave a mark, knowing that it was all a part of the plan. What he hadn't taken into account was how she'd grind her own hips further against his in return, Sebastian chuckling against her mouth as he let his hand move down her stomach and into her shorts, Blaine swallowing the lump of slight jealousy around him as she whined even more, pulling away from Sebastian almost immediately.

Her eyes focused back on Blaine as he moved his mouth down her body, his tongue teasing as it passed over her breast, pushing her back towards Sebastian as the other pushed her shorts down completely, Blaine helping pull them over her legs as Sebastian's hands started kneading at her tits, Blaine's mouth quickly finding its way to her skin. He traced his tongue up one of her thighs, Rachel moaning slightly as her hips moved forward, begging for him to move where she was waiting for him, but he passed over her core and instead dragged his teeth over her hips, sure to suck hard on the slightly less tan skin located there, his fingers slipping inside of her easily.

"Blaine," she breathed, though her fingers were digging into Sebastian's legs as he continued to suck on her neck, Blaine glancing up momentarily to watch as Sebastian turned her head towards his own once more for a kiss, deep and passionate, and as Blaine twisted his fingers a little inside her, changed up the angle, she moaned into Sebastian's mouth, her entire body shuddering between them. "Need you, please," she said after a moment, her chest heaving slightly, and Blaine and Sebastian just looked at one another, Sebastian's grip tight on her abdomen as Blaine continued moving his fingers in and out of her, teasing her clit every few moments to hear her whine.

"Which one of us do you want, pretty girl?" Sebastian asked, and she bit down on her lip hard, looking between the two before her eyes rolled back slightly and she answered with a panting 'Blaine', Blaine trying not to look as smarmy about the fact that she wanted him more.

"Sebastian too, but-Blaine first, please," she continued, Sebastian's smirk growing as Blaine rolled his eyes.

"I think we'll see how you do after Blaine, babe," Sebastian chuckled, kissing her temple even as Blaine moved between her thighs, lifting them slightly to prepare himself, Sebastian reaching across her to stroke him a couple times to help relieve some of the pressure Blaine felt, his eyes meeting Rachel's momentarily as she watched the action, wetting her own lips and whining at it.

"Please," she pleaded, and Sebastian just nodded, Blaine doing the same as if it made any difference as he aligned himself with her, Rachel watching him the entire time and letting out one last whimper before he pushed in, his eyes closing instantly at the sensation as she arched into it almost instantly, her walls wrapping around him tight as could be, a small "Fuck," falling from her lips, almost as hot as the feeling of being inside her.

"Jesus," Blaine agreed, Sebastian chuckling at the two as he continued to let his hands roam over her body, Blaine's own grabbing onto her hips as he started to move, running his thumb over the hickey that was already showing up dark on her skin.

"How does it feel?" Sebastian asked after a moment, breaking the small gasps and heavy breathing that came from the other two as Blaine even remembered his existence, nothing outside of Rachel and her body around his own existing anymore.

"Wonderful," Blaine answered honestly, and when Sebastian made a short remark of 'Descriptive, thanks,' Blaine let out a shaky chuckle, thrusting in even harder for Rachel's sigh of contentment alone, before continuing. "She's so tight, Seb," he said, her walls only tightening even more around him as he spoke, his voice low and hungry and desperate, Sebastian's eyes darkening at his words. "And wet, god, she's so wet for us, you should feel her," he continued, watching as Sebastian did just that, his fingers moving down from where they were taunting at her breast to come slide between her folds, rubbing at her clit and making her back arch high between them.

"Sebastian!" she said, her voice raw with lust and need, and Blaine could only groan in response, his movements quickening as he felt himself reaching closer and closer to the edge. He'd wanted her to come first, but he wasn't sure he could hold himself back, and sure enough it was only another few pumps inside of her before he came, her name the only one to fall from his lips as Sebastian pushed forward to kiss him, Rachel practically writhing underneath him.

He pulled out reluctantly, Sebastian not wasting a second before taking his place and Rachel only seeming to react well to it, pulling Blaine down so she could grab at him, kissing him messily and biting down on his skin when she couldn't even focus on the simple act. Blaine watched in almost a daze as Sebastian worked his way inside of her, Rachel coming after a few minutes with a small scream, her nails digging sharply into Blaine's arm as Sebastian emptied himself inside of her as well, the thought that Blaine had just done the same only moments prior nearly driving him into a frenzy all over again.

Her breathing was still labored, her eyes glassy and dark as she looked up at Blaine, whispering a quiet "Please don't leave me," to which he could only nod, Sebastian smirking as he got up to find towels from Blaine's bathroom to clean the three of them up, Rachel rolling over into Blaine's side as her breathing evened out, clearly worn out from the activities.

"She asleep?" Sebastian asked quietly a few minutes later when he came back, Blaine nodding and feeling guilty about the next part of the plan even as Sebastian took the initiative, rolling her back onto her back and taking a picture of her marred hip before sending it off to Finn from his own phone, knowing he'd never know who the number came from.

"She could hate us for that you know," Blaine whispered as threw a pair of boxers on, rummaging until he found a teeshirt to cover Rachel in so she'd feel less vulnerable when she woke up, hungover, between two guys who were definitely _not _her fiancée.

"I say she'll thank us," Sebastian mumbled in response, fighting off a yawn even as he crawled next to her, his arm swinging easily around her waist, drifting off into his own slumber, Blaine hoping that the end result would only work in his favor.

* * *

><p>"Oh my god," were the first words Blaine heard the next morning, a leg thrown over his waist and stray hairs tickling his arm as he opened his eyes to see Rachel staring at the ceiling, still wrapped around him even as she did so. "Did I-"<p>

"Yes," Sebastian replied, facedown into a pillow. "And unless you're up for round two, I'd appreciate a couple hours more sleep."

"Sebastian," Blaine groaned, because that was _not _how things were supposed to go first thing in the morning.

"Why?" was her only question, and Blaine knew she was asking him before he even turned his attention back to her.

"We didn't want you to marry Finn?" Blaine offered lamely, her face falling even more before Sebastian contributed his reasoning of 'and Blaine's in love with you, but he'll leave that out if I don't say it,' as Rachel continued to stare at Blaine.

"Oh," came her simple response, the room falling quiet once more as Blaine waited for Rachel to react in some way, to panic, to freak out, to hate them and hit them and tell them they were horrible human beings for taking advantage of her in a vulnerable and intoxicated state of mind. Instead, she took a deep breath, seeming to notice for the first time that she wasn't in her own clothes as she pulled at the teeshirt covering her form, smiling a bit at the Dalton emblem on it. "Well then."

"Well then?" Blaine asked, raising an eyebrow, because of all the things he had been expecting from her, _well then _wasn't one of them.

"I guess I'll have to tell Finn about this later, won't I? The wedding will be called off, and I'll head off to New York single instead of married," she said quietly, chewing on her lip anxiously as she stared at the ceiling.

"Finn already knows," Sebastian grumbled, still not lifting his head. "Once I sent him a picture of the hickey on your hip that Blaine so kindly left, he wouldn't stop calling and it pissed me off, so I told him to fuck off or I'd fuck his fiancée again just to spite him."

"Sebastian!" Both Blaine and Rachel exclaimed, though Blaine was sure he saw the hint of a smile on her face, almost heard the sigh of relieve fall from her lips before she turned to face Blaine again. "If Finn already knows, I suppose sleeping off this insane hangover won't hurt anything then, will it?" she asked quietly, and he shook his head in response, wrapping an arm around her once more as she snuggled in closer to him, resisting the urge to kick Sebastian at his 'Finally' before falling back asleep, a smile on his face.


	16. Magnolia Wine xposted

She knew the familiar signs, the late nights with no real explanation, the smell of perfume that she had never worn in her life. "Work date," he'd wave away, all smiles as he leaned over to kiss her, but she had a feeling there was no 'work' involved.

Rachel had known about previous infidelities, turned a blind eye to them and pretended her life was perfect. It was natural, she'd assume, that he'd lash out like that. After all, she spent night after night on stage touching someone that wasn't Blaine, even if she'd rather have it be him.

She could almost appreciate it, in a way, the drama of it all. And while it pained her, she loved him enough to look past it. She wanted him enough to work around it. And when he proposed, his eyes shining with hope and trust and honesty, she'd thought that was the end of it. Anyone else he was with-boy, girl, she didn't care to know-it was over. He was choosing her to spend the rest of his life with, choosing her for forever.

It started up again a year and a half into their marriage, the name 'cindy' scrawled onto a napkin shoved in his pockets with a phone number attached. She'd hoped he wasn't that stupid, that it was merely a new coworker and he hadn't had his phone with him at the time.

At the holiday party his company hosted, she was relieved to see Cindy was a coworker. She wasn't as relieved to see Blaine's flirting and the glare she received from the girl.

"Where's your wedding ring?" She asked him, calmly, one evening when she noticed it's absence.

"I must have taken it off to do dishes," Blaine shrugged, though she saw the brief flash of panic over his face.

"And you didn't put it back on immediately afterwards?" She pressed, wondering exactly where he hid it while he was off with whomever else he was seeing. Her voice was hurt, but she hoped it didn't portray all the pain she felt-the years she had been keeping quiet about this.

"I'll find it," he promised, standing up quickly and starting to bustle around the kitchen in what was surely just a show for her. She wondered if it made her weak, staying with him through all this. If it was anyone else, she'd have walked out the door the first time she smelled Chanel on his jacket.

But she honestly believed Blaine was the love of her life, and she had once thought she was the love of his.

It took two more months before she called him out on it, her patience wearing thin as he missed yet another date she had tried to plan for them. He had tried to deny it, cringing as she unleashed all the hurt she had hidden away over the years, plates smashing against the wall as she threw them in his direction, destroying the home she had been trying to build with him.

Still, nothing hurt more than the silence that washed over them as she slid onto the floor, his head in his hands as he sat at the kitchen table. "I don't know how it got like this," he muttered, and Rachel didn't bother stopping the tears that fell as she found strength to stand once more, whispering nothing but a quiet "You did this," before storming out of the apartment, never to return.


	17. Speak Now xposted

Her words sunk in deep as Puckerman crooned away on the stage, her smile not nearly as big as it had been only a moment ago. "Blaine?" she prodded, her voice changing from excitement to worry. "Are you okay? Is it your eye? Should I get Kurt for you?"

"Married?" he asked instead, and she just bowed her head and whispered a quiet 'oh'. "Rachel you can't-"

"It's happening, Blaine," she said sharply, pulling away from him as they completely stopped moving around the area everyone had designated as the dance floor, confetti in her hair and sparkling in the red lights. "I'm marrying Finn, and I'd appreciate it if you could support my decision, but if that's too much to ask of you than I'd rather you keep your opinions to yourself and I won't bother inviting you."

"Rachel that's not what I meant, it's just-"

"I'm already having to deal with Quinn's negativity and Kurt's disapproval, Blaine, and I thought maybe you could understand where I'm coming from." Her eyes were harsh, her face closed off as she backed away from him, and he wanted to grab onto her and explain away why she shouldn't do this-but she already knew every reason in the world why she shouldn't marry Finn Hudson at 17. The only one he could think of that she might not was the one he wasn't able to say aloud.

* * *

><p>Finn gives him the heads up during their seventh period gym class, playing it off as a joke but he can see the slight resentment in his eyes. Finn and he may have reached an understanding, but that doesn't mean either boy appreciates the relationship they share with Rachel. Finn never let go of the anger of Blaine transferring and becoming what he saw as the 'golden boy', Blaine never letting go of how he destroyed everything Rachel was when they were together.<p>

"She's going to ask me what?" Blaine asked, raising an eyebrow as Finn shrugged.

"She's already asked Kurt to be her maid of honor," Finn replied with a shake of his head. "I'm just saying, she already told me I can't ask you to be a groomsman because she wants you on her side."

Blaine didn't form a response to that, letting his mind wrap around the idea that not only did Rachel Berry think it was a good idea to get married in high school, but she wanted him, _Blaine_, to stand on her side of the couple.

He supposed it made sense, with how close they had grown, but he wasn't sure he could stomach standing anywhere near the ceremony without throwing up. When she came up to ask him about it after school though, he found himself saying 'Of course', never able to form the word 'no' around her even in the most dire of situations when he desperately needed to, her arms flung around him as she practically toppled both of them over, his eyes closing as she wrapped around him even momentarily.

* * *

><p>He expected months, at the very least, but when Finn's announcing that it's going to happen within hours Blaine suddenly feels like he's drowning. He couldn't even think of anything to say as he watched Rachel all but beg for Quinn to change her mind, the blonde girl being his last savior in all this nonsense. He knows she'll cave, knows that Rachel has that magic pull over Quinn's eyes just as much as she does over Blaine's, and he knows their case is hopeless.<p>

Rachel Berry is going to marry Finn Hudson, and he has no way to stop it from happening.

* * *

><p>"Now or never," is all Blaine hears, Rachel's hesitance and her dads' panic seeming to wash over him as he fights his instincts to stand up, to fight for her, to take her away from this whole situation. He'd been in a war of emotions since she walked in wearing the white gown, his own eyes growing momentarily teary as the girls had hugged her tight, Kurt squeezing his hand as he took in the girl who was far too young to be a bride. Still, he'd collected himself enough to hug her, enough to whisper how beautiful she looked in her ear and cause her to flush before Kurt pushed him away to monopolize her.<p>

"She said she'd be here," Rachel cried out, and Finn just looked helplessly around, only serving to annoy Blaine more. Rachel needed more than Finn Hudson would ever offer her, someone who stood up for when it actually came down to now or never and _meant _it, and Blaine realized for a moment that he was doing the same thing.

He was backing down because he was afraid of hurting her, of hurting Kurt and Finn and everyone else in New Directions, when he should have been saving her from the fate she was sealing for herself.

"Don't get married," he heard himself say, dozens of eyes falling on him, including Rachel's own as she frowned in surprise.

"What?" she asked, and he was only spurred on by the quiet nature of her tone-she wasn't yelling or snapping at him as she had done everyone else, she was merely thrown off guard. He could feel everyone's eyes watching him as he stood, their friends, his boyfriend, her fiancée, their parents-but he tried to block them out as he moved in front of her, taking her hand in his own.

"Don't do this, Rachel," he whispered, begging her really, and for a moment he thought she might have actually listened to him, might have stopped the whole thing, but then Finn was cursing, snapping her back to the reality of the situation as she turned to look at the man she was set to marry.

"I told you before that if you're not here to back me up 100%, then I don't want you here," she finally responded quietly, her eyes not quite meeting his as she pulled her hand back from his own.

"Fine," he replied, Kurt's skeptical stare in his direction ignored as he stormed out of the room, hesitating one last moment before he opened the door. "But if you go through with this-you'll be making a mistake Rachel. A huge one."

He can hear Finn yelling even as he runs out of the courthouse.

* * *

><p>He turned his phone off when he got home, crashing hard on his bed and ignoring his mother's question of 'Are you okay?' because she doesn't really care. She doesn't need to know that the only girl Blaine's ever loved is marrying the wrong guy, the one that will hold her back instead of push her for more, that he tried to stop it and ultimately failed.<p>

He wondered, briefly, as he lay in the dark, if maybe saying those words would have stopped her. Halted her, even. If he could have even finished the statement before Finn decked him, Kurt screaming about how Rachel always won in the end and Burt strangling him by his bow tie. He wondered if at any time her response would have been "I love you too."

He worked himself into such a state that he's sure it's a dream, her running into his room, still in her wedding dress with her hair down as she collapses next to him, shaking from the sheer force of her tears. "Rachel?" he questioned, rubbing her shoulder to get her to look at him, but she only burrows herself more against him, and he can only hope this means that the wedding is called off, that she finally remembered where her brain was located and screwed it back in long enough to call the whole thing off.

When she stops crying nearly two hours later, his arms wrapped around her as he whispers quietly about how it'll all be okay, he finds out it's a culmination of a car accident Quinn was in on her way to the wedding-Rachel convinced it was her fault-and the prior incident ruining the wedding. "He said I would have found another reason to cancel it anyways," she cried, his shoulder wet from all her tears.

"Would you have?" Blaine asked, voice small as he waits for the answer he so longs to hear.

"I almost left with you, didn't I?" she replied, fingers tightly wound in his sweater as he pulls a blanket over them to comfort her more, to hold her and make sure everything ends up okay for her.

Because for now, even if it wasn't him that pulled her away, it was him she came running to, and that was enough for him.


	18. In Circles

based on a prompt over on tumblr for teacher!blaine/student!rachel. vague, vague smut.

* * *

><p>Rachel had seen him on the first day of high school, walking down the halls with a smile on his face as he headed into a classroom in the English department. It didn't take her longer than an afternoon to find out that his name was Mr. Anderson, straight out of college and teaching AP English to the seniors, and that she was already head over heels for a man nearly 8 years older than her.<p>

Her desire to race to the end of her high school career only seemed to amplify as months went by, her heart skipping a beat when he'd occasionally smile at her in the halls, but she knew he had no idea who she was, wouldn't for another three years. The thought pained her, and she seemed to work double as hard at making herself known in the school-leading the glee club to a win at Regionals, farther than it had gone in at least 10 years, excelling in academics until she was top of her class. Still, Mr. Anderson seemed to pass right through her even at ceremonies they were both forced to attend, and like the child she still was at age 14, Rachel pouted and yearned for more attention from him.

It was her sophomore year that he finally seemed to notice her, Mr. Schuester leaving the school to work in accounting to save money for the family he was building with his wife and Mr. Anderson stepping in to take over the glee club. She'd been ecstatic at the news, eyes wide and bright the first time he walked into the choir room, Rachel barely paying attention to a word coming out of Finn Hudson's mouth to her right as he tried in vain to ask her out for that weekend.

"I know you're still relatively new," she spoke after the first lesson, his eyebrow raised as she cornered him by the piano where he was shuffling papers. "But I've pretty much been in control since I started here, and I'd love to be of any assistance I could be."

He smiled at her, a real genuine one that was meant for her, Rachel Berry, not just a girl in the hallways, and she felt like her stomach was dropping out of her body as she remained composed, show face still on as she looked at him expectantly. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind, thank you Rachel," he said, and she could only find herself nodding before turning on her heel to walk away, repeating her name over and over in her head in his tone of voice, how it sounded rolling off his tongue.

Her innocent school crush was rapidly becoming anything but.

It only got deeper as time went on, as he allowed her to showcase her ballad skills during Sectionals and paired her with Kurt to sing a duet during Regionals, where they lost drastically to Vocal Adrenaline. He allowed her to yell and scream for approximately twenty minutes that they had at least made it to Nationals before failing the year before, an amused expression on his face as he leaned back in his desk, and when she'd finally caught her breath, he simply leaned across and placed a warm hand on top of where her own had landed on his desk, telling her that she still had two more years, and if Rachel Berry couldn't get there, no one could.

She'd never been so flattered in her life.

It sucked, having to walk around the school for the rest of the year after that, unable to corner him about songs she wanted to sing or dance moves she was sure he'd need to know in order for their numbers to go off without a hitch, but the consolation was that he at least knew who she was now. He'd say 'hello' when he passed her in the halls, and sometimes he'd even ask her how her classes were going. When she left the building on the last day before summer vacation, he wished her a happy summer with a wink, Rachel nearly passing out as she headed towards where Kurt was waiting for her in his car, repressing the shot of desire that coursed through her skin as she tried to focus on Kurt's ramblings about his completely inappropriate crush on the boy now in the process of becoming his step brother.

It seemed like the single longest summer of her life, and she couldn't even bother to be interested in Kurt's drama with Finn as he circled closer to his prey, Finn effectively hitting on Rachel more and more whenever she was over their house. She dismissed him every time, partially because she wouldn't want to upset Kurt and partially because her mind was so wrapped up in Mr. Anderson that she could care less, counting down the days until school would resume and she could find herself in the choir room once more, sitting front row and center as soon as he walked in the room.

"We don't normally find out who we're up against so early in the game," he said during the second week of classes, leaning against the piano while Rachel tried to focus on his words, trying to stop herself from mentally undressing him in such an obvious manner, "But this year one of the groups is the Warblers-the all-boys a cappella group from Dalton. They're not as tough as Vocal Adrenaline, but they'll be the ones we need to focus on beating."

"All boys, huh?" Santana quipped, smacking her lips together as Kurt rolled his eyes from the seat in front of her. "Sounds like heaven, don't it Hummel?"

"Santana," Mr. Anderson snapped, the room falling quiet once more and Rachel once more found herself captivated by every move he made. It wasn't just that he had a power over them, though as an overly demanding person she had to admit that held a certain level of intrigue for her. It wasn't even that he was intelligent, having graduated magna cum laude from a private college in Chicago before moving to Ohio to land his teaching position at McKinley, and it wasn't even that he was talented, his voice and dancing skills sending her into dizzy spells of desire that took over her entire body. It was all of this combined, along with a smattering of other traits Rachel never would have even thought important-his charisma, his humor, his general easygoingness, his ability to lead. She knew she was in over her head, but somehow over the summer his interest in her seemed to have changed, and it only dragged her in deeper.

The year prior, their interactions had been strictly professional, friendly at best when he let down his guard around her, later in the evening when they'd been rehearsing for hours, the entire group worn out from exhaustion. If he stared at her for more than a passing glance, it was a simple look, a teacher paying attention to his student, but something had shifted. Now, she felt like her skin was burning when he took her in, and she could practically feel his eyes scanning over her legs and up her body, often finding it harder and harder to repress the shudders she wanted to release at the sensation. She'd sit in rehearsal, chewing on her lip, eyes darkening and if for some reason they had to touch-whether he was correcting a dance move or straightening her posture-her eyes would close on instinct as a shot of pure arousal went through her entire system.

She knew it was wrong to test her chances, to push her luck, but three weeks later when he gave them a new assignment, claiming that they'd worked hard enough for Sectionals to deserve a break for a week, that Rachel had her solo down while Sam and Quinn seemed plenty prepared enough for their duet, the group practically fluid in their moves for the group number, she could feel his eyes burning a hole in her skin when the word 'illicit' was written on the board.

"Isn't that a little wrong for you to be teaching us about?" Mercedes had asked, Mr. Andersons eyes shooting in her direction with a little smirk before he slid on top of the piano, the dry erase marker moving between his fingers as he started to explain.

"You guys are a great group. You rarely get into trouble, you work your asses off to be the best, but you're getting a bit uptight-"

"I'm pretty sure that's just manhands," Santana quipped, shushing after a glare from Mr. Andersons direction before he could continue.

"And sometimes, it's okay to do something bad, something _wrong_." She thought she could hear Santana uttering something to Brittany about doing something wrong with him, but she shoved the thought away as her tongue wet her suddenly dry lips, trying to remember to breathe even at the implication of the words. "So, for the next week, I want you guys to give it your best shot, break out of your bubbles and show us what you got." He grinned at them, Rachel already going through a mental catalog of songs in her head that she could sing, wondering if she should go obvious-'Hot for Teacher' being the first song to spring to mind, though a Ke$ha song followed soon after-or be more subtle in her song choice-perhaps a Jem song she listened to when she was feeling particularly melancholy about her situation.

She flipped through her options all night long before deciding on the Jem song, deciding 'Hot for Teacher' and 'Mr. Watson' were far too obvious, but 'Flying High' could have been about anyone. Besides, it was a slower song, quieter, and she was sure she could make her voice positively seductive if she played her cards right, and spent the next few days singing nothing else in the privacy of her soundproof basement, preparing for her chance to sing in the front of their group.

It took her nearly an hour longer to get ready the morning of her performance, debating between dresses before settling on a simple black one she knew hugged her body perfectly, curling her hair and making sure her makeup was all in place, and with the approving glances she got as she walked through the halls that day, she knew she'd have him just where she wanted him.

"This isn't illicit so much on the surface," she began as she took her place in the front of the room, Mr. Anderson taking a seat between Finn and Kurt as she smoothed down her dress, "but the message it sends definitely is." There were a few raised eyebrows, but as she began a few of the girls swayed in their chairs, Rachel trying to keep contact with the entire group and ultimately failing as she saw a flicker of what she hoped was both disbelief and arousal in her teachers eyes as he watched her, keeping perfectly still the entire time she performed.

She'd planned it so she was last to go, and they all clapped politely as she took a small bow before scurrying back to her seat, Mr. Anderson dismissing them quickly as she collected her bag, hanging back deliberately until the room was clear and it was just the two of them, his throat clearing as she finished zipping up her bag. "I hope my performance was ok-" she started, but then his hands were around her waist, his lips working on her own as she let out a soft gasp, falling into the kiss immediately as she pressed into him, her arms wrapping tightly around him.

He pulled back far too soon for her taste, his eyes wide as he seemed to realize what he'd done, but she merely whined and pushed forward to connect their bodies together, a frown on her face as he grabbed her wrists and held her firmly away from him. "No, that was-fuck, Rachel, that can't happen, at all, ever again," he said, and she could only chew on her lip as her stomach dipped low at his curse, the desire to travel her hands over his body nearly overbearing.

"But I want it to," she whined, her eyes innocent as possible as she looked up at him. "Why is it bad if I want it too?"

"Because, I'm your teacher, and you're like-shit, Rachel you're 16 for crying out loud, and-"

"I'll be 17 next month," she muttered quietly, but she knew it made no difference to him. The time had passed and she was left with nothing but the memory of how soft his lips had felt against hers, how she'd gotten just the briefest moment of his tongue inside her mouth, how firm his body had been against hers, and even as he begged her not to say anything, she knew she wouldn't. "You knew this would happen," she accused, the pain of her rejection welling up. "You wouldn't have given us this assignment if you didn't want it to."

"It doesn't matter if I want it, or if you want it, Rachel, you're underage and I'm your teacher and-" he cut himself short as she licked her lips instinctively, still tasting him on them, and he seemed hypnotized by the action. "No, I have to go. And I suggest you do the same."

She pouted even as he left, leaving her all alone, formulating a plan to get him to give in once more. Now that she'd had even a small taste of him, she wanted more, and Rachel was nothing if not determined to get what she wanted.

* * *

><p>He avoided her for the first few days, slipping out of his office whenever she tried to corner him inside it, staying on the other side of the room during glee rehearsals. Quite frankly, it only served to make Rachel more annoyed, but by the time she could finally catch him on his own, he simply told her once more that nothing could happen, that she should find a boy her own age, that their momentary lapse in judgment was just that.<p>

She'd stormed away from him in a huff, a new plan forming in her mind almost immediately, but before she could act upon it Kurt was demanding her attention to focus for Sectionals, and Rachel begrudgingly put aside her desire for her teacher to focus on the thing that would get her out of Ohio.

Originally, she'd wanted to win over someone in their own glee club-Finn was officially with Quinn, but Noah had nice arms and she wouldn't mind dating him if only to drive Mr. Anderson up a wall-but as they won their Sectionals with ease, another boy caught her eye as he shook her hand in congratulations, a smirk on his face that caused Rachel to flush pink even as she felt Mr. Andersons eyes upon her, watching carefully.

She found out his name was Sebastian Smythe, that he was the leader of the Warblers, and that he was an incredibly smooth talker. He managed to talk her into a coffee date, which led to a dinner date, and before she knew it the two were just plain dating. She'd make sure to press herself tighter against him, to deepen their kisses and tug him closer whenever she knew Mr. Anderson was around if Sebastian picked her up after school or the three happened to be in the same general public place, and every time she did she was rewarded with a flash of resentment sent her way.

It continued like that for the rest of the year, Rachel flashing Sebastian's presence around whenever she could. He didn't seem to particularly mind being arm candy for her, not as long as the two progressed into more and more sexual activities, and Rachel was attracted enough to him to do so willingly. He came to Regionals, to prom, to football games, to school events that Rachel knew Mr. Anderson would be at, and when they pulled up to the school parking lot after their weekend in New York winning Nationals, he was there and waiting as she ran into his arms, their kiss far too intimate for such a public location, but the flash of darkness that covered Mr. Andersons face was enough to let her fall back into Sebastian's embrace.

It continued on for the rest of summer, her relationship with Sebastian, but come fall she was tired of him and despite the reactions she'd received the previous year from Mr. Anderson, she wasn't going to keep Sebastian any longer. She wanted to be single, wanted to try her hand at landing her teacher once more, ready to do whatever it took. She was older now, nearly 18, and his excuses from the previous year were much less well-founded than they had been.

She sat quietly for a few weeks, luring him into a false sense of security so that by the second week in September, when she slipped into his office and closed the door behind her, he only tensed slightly. "Rachel," he greeted, keeping his tone professional as he always did when addressing her. "What can I do to help you out?"

A list of things ran through her mind, but she knew better than to address them so brazenly, and instead launched into a well prepared speech about how she needed three letters of recommendation to get into her top choice of university in New York, and would he be willing to write it for her since he had a first-hand view of her talent nearly every day.

He agreed, and she left promptly without another word, once more setting him into a trap that she knew how to weave expertly. It would take time for him to feel comfortable in her presence again, but as soon as he did, as soon as he let his guard down and admitted that he felt things towards her that he probably shouldn't have, she'd go in for the kill, claiming him for her own, even if it had to be kept secretive.

She became more casual when he was around, occasionally slipping and calling him 'Blaine' instead of 'Mr. Anderson', and after a few tries he didn't stop her, though she overheard him telling Sam that he preferred to be called by his last name as a sign of respect when the blonde boy tried to copy Rachel's habits. It seemed as if they fell into how they had once been before, teacher and student who trusted one another and had no other intentions with their relationship, and it was only when he was comfortable enough to correct her dance move, hands on her hips as he moved her in the way she was supposed to, that she knew her time had come.

As much as he had tried to hide it, she still caught his glances, the way his eyes moved across her frame, and as he felt safe enough to touch her how sometimes his fingers would linger a little too long against her skin before he moved on to correct Finn or Tina, and the day he stopped her in the hallway to tell her he had her letter of recommendation ready, she knew it was now or never.

She arrived in his office before he did, sliding herself onto his desk with ease and taking in the surroundings she rarely noticed. There was a picture of him and what looked like his older brother on the desk, Rachel smiling as she picked it up to examine the two before the door opened, Blaine not making any comment about her location, about how her legs dangled delicately off the wooden desk as she smiled up at him. "I just came for my letter," she told him, a short nod coming from his direction as he moved around the room, trying to keep his eyes to himself.

He handed it to her, her fingers clasping around his own as she reached for the letter and the spark that she felt was clearly felt by him too, his entire body freezing as he stood stock still, Rachel taking in a deep breath before she pulled her hand away, dropping the envelope into her bag at her feet. "You should probably go," he choked out as she did so, but Rachel just shook her head, glancing up at him once more.

"I just needed to ask you-"

"Rachel, please just leave," he said quietly, his eyes closed and she could tell he was fighting off his own wave of desire every bit as much as she was, and it only pushed her hand forward to land on his shoulder, her teeth gnawing on the inside of her cheek as he glanced over at her from the contact. "No," he whispered, but she shook her head once more.

"Please," she whispered, trailing her hand delicately down his arm before moving it back up, Blaine not moving a muscle to stop her. "I haven't stopped wanting you, you know," she continued, voice barely above a breath, and she watched as he fought to keep himself still, an internal war raging in his mind. "It could be our secret, I wouldn't tell anyone."

His eyes focused on something behind her, even as she dragged him closer by the collar of his shirt, almost as if he believed that if he just didn't look at her, he wouldn't give in to what they both wanted, but Rachel had enough initiative to take control of the situation, and within moments he was kissing her back with just as much passion as she had started the kiss with. It startled her, in the most pleasant of ways, when his hand wound into her hair, when he pushed her back and climbed onto his desk with her, his hands desperate and needy as they traveled across her. She could only return the favor, soaking in every inch of him that she could, her sighs barely audible before they grew into much bigger moans, a chuckle against her thigh as he commented that she had to find a way to be quiet for once, even as he returned his tongue to swirling around the most intimate of places and sending Rachel into a land of bliss she'd never even imagined before.

Her nails tore at his skin when he gave into her completely, giving her what she'd wanted for nearly three and a half years, her entire body pushing for all of him as he growled her name low in her ear, Rachel sure the noise never sounded as magical as it did coming from him at that moment.

When it was over, Rachel zipping up her dress and trying to locate her shoes while Blaine slid his sweater back on, she could only smile a little at the rumpled curls, placing a small kiss on his cheek before disappearing down the hall for the rest of the class she had been skipping, knowing that in order to get him again she'd have to keep him guessing.

* * *

><p>Just as she expected, it was he who dragged her away the next time, pulling her into his empty classroom during an off-period while she wandered the halls, a satiated smile on her face the entire time because finally, <em>finally <em>she had gotten what she so desperately desired. And it was worth it, worth all the secrecy as it started happening more and more, worth the weird looks Kurt would sometimes shoot her, worth the previous three years of agony as she watched him try and focus on teaching them a lesson when her skirt raised a little too high, showing off a little too much thigh, when she sucked on the tip of her pen with eyes focused directly at him.

She had been transferred into one of his English classes, and enjoyed nothing more than spending the entire period teasing him, taunting until he found her sometime in the day only to ravage her in new ways she'd never have previously imagined.

It was Santana, undoubtedly, who caught wind of what was going on, though she realized it could have been anyone. It was only a matter of time before someone realized the rumors were fact and he was reported, they'd become less subtle, letting it slip more and more often what they actually were to each other, even if they never talked about what was happening. She knew that her feelings ran deeper than sex, knew his did as well and it was never more prevalent than the day he showed up on her doorstep, telling her he had to leave.

She only had a few more months at McKinley, but the thought of getting through them without him was too much, too heartbreaking, and she begged him to take her with him. He looked just as heartbroken as she did when he informed her that no, he couldn't do so, but he was headed for the same place she was, and when she moved there, they could be together-really together, without sneaking around.

She found herself counting down days once more, the rumors of one of the most popular teachers sudden disappearance all circling around her while she kept quiet, kept her heartbreak hidden, snuck texts and phone calls as often as they could, and graduation came and went without a single care for her.

It wasn't until the beginning of August when she finally moved into her dorm, Blaine showing up in her doorway with a slight grin on his face, that she felt things fall back into place.

"I hope that since I'm no longer your teacher, the intrigue is missing for you now," he called out, laughing when she threw herself at him and kissed him hard on the lips.

"You'll just have to become a professor then," she breathed,


	19. Don't You Want Me xposted

It started with a simple invitation.

"Thad's throwing a party back in his house, since his parents are gone. I thought I'd extend an invitation your way," Blaine grinned, Kurt's face falling half an inch as his eyes opened with apologetic notions.

"Sorry," he said simply, "but I already got Finn to agree to take me to a party Rachel is throwing this weekend."

"Oh," Blaine nodded, slightly disappointed. The Warbler parties were notoriously boring and well behaved, no one ever feeling free enough to let loose and enjoy their youth. Blaine was so busy wallowing about how his Saturday was going to be spent, once again, sitting around Thad's finished basement listening to him go on and on about the Warblers council that he barely heard Kurt's offer. "What?" he asked, snapping back to attention.

"I said," Kurt sputtered, looking slightly flustered for being put on the spot. "I mean, if you want, you can always come with us. It's a New Directions party only, I'm sure-it's not like Rachel is wildly popular, or very well liked at all-but I'm sure she wouldn't mind you crashing if you wanted. But if you'd rather go to Thad's-"

"I'd love to," Blaine grinned, interrupting Kurt and ignoring the slight blush that crawled over his delicate features. Ever since Kurt's admission towards him, Blaine had been more careful with his words-even more so than normal-in hopes that he wouldn't lead Kurt on until he figured out exactly what it was he felt. "Then I can find out more about your old life," he continued, Kurt shaking his head with a small smile as they headed towards their next class. The fact that he was really only intrigued by one of Kurt's old friends was kept silent, something Blaine felt would only place an unnecessary strain on a budding friendship.

* * *

><p>Rachel seemed surprised at his appearance, but welcomed them regardless as they joined her in the basement. The rest of New Directions was milling about, not particularly excited about the party and Rachel's restrictions on the alcohol. Blaine had to admit, if she ever met up with Thad they'd throw the single most boring party of the century, but Blaine was just glad he wasn't around Wes for his bi-weekly rant about how much he loathed David's tendency to perform flips regardless of how many times they asked him to stop.<p>

Blaine wasn't sure who it was that convinced Rachel to finally let loose, breaking out the actual alcohol, but he definitely didn't stop himself from indulging and cutting loose himself. He didn't know anyone, aside from Kurt, having only met Rachel and Mercedes a few times at the Lima Bean. But instead of becoming a mopey drunk, as Santana was as she attacked Sam once more, he decided to just let himself go, dancing ridiculously and moving with the general flow of the evening.

He'd laughed when Rachel suggested spin-the-bottle, wondering how bad this could possibly end up, but at that point he'd drunken more than he probably should have admitted and plopped himself Brittany and Kurt, laughing along as Sam and Brittany were the first up to kiss. He watched the bottle spin on the checkerboard in the middle, shocked when it landed on him as Rachel moved closer to him, grinning at her statement of rocking his world.

He was glad that, if anyone, it was Rachel he had to kiss, their laughter dying down when their lips met, the innocence leaving as he pushed for more, his hand moving to her hair and pulling her closer. He could hear Kurt freaking out beside him, could hear the cheers of Brittany on the other side, but he didn't care about anything but the fact that the kiss was good, her mouth opening slightly to allow him more access before they fell apart.

He wanted to continue kissing her, but she made an announcement about singing-and Blaine would do what he had to do to get back to their previous activity. If it meant singing with the girl, he'd do so. After all, he knew already that she was talented, that out of anyone sitting in the basement she'd be the one to go for fame, and it'd be a great anecdote later on in life about how he once made out with the Rachel Berry and sang a duet with her.

Her energy was contagious as he grabbed ahold of her pink sparkly microphone, dancing along with her and unable to keep the smile off his face. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun performing, just singing for the hell of it with someone who loved it as much as he did. The Warblers were always so uptight, even when they tried to do new things and incorporate dance routines into their songs, but ultimately everything was so perfectly choreographed that there was no room for pure energy to go crazy.

From what he knew of Rachel, she was going crazy just as much as he was, cutting loose from her normally strict routines and outlines of everything she had to get done. She was singing and dancing and having _fun_, and the little smile she gave him as they ended their 80's pop song only pushed him to grab ahold of her a few minutes later and pull her with him to the couch that Santana and Sam had just vacated, pulling her face to his own as she fell down next to him laughing.

She didn't fight him off, and while he suggested her motives were originally to piss off an annoyed looking Finn across the room, she quickly pulled her attention back to Blaine, putting more of herself into the kiss. She moved closer to him, her arms wrapping around his neck and pulling his face into her own as she parted her lips once more, her tongue sliding across his bottom lip as his hand rested on her waist, securing her next to him. Her head turned, slightly, opening her mouth wider for him as his own tongue met with hers, tasting the wine coolers she'd been drinking all evening as she explored the inside of his mouth.

He dropped his hand down to her thigh, and she only seemed to encourage his movements with a small gasp, only for another hand to pull his away. Rachel parted from Blaine with glossy eyes only to look above them, at the person currently in position of Blaine's limb, and he regretfully did the same to see Kurt hovering above them.

"Come with me," he sang, pulling Blaine off the couch, and Blaine tried to protest that he was having fun, that he wanted to continue making out with Rachel, and it looked like she wanted to argue the same but Kurt had already dragged him across the room while starting to go on about how the Warbler's were never going to forgive him for doing this to Blaine.

"Didn't do anything," Blaine argued, his focus entirely on the girl across the room who was now spinning around in a circle with Tina, her curls cascading around her as they laughed. He waited until Kurt was distracted, Puckerman coming over and asking him about gay orgies, Blaine taking that as his cue to leave, darting out of Kurt's reach to grab ahold of Rachel by the waist and pulling her to the stage his mouth back on hers within seconds.

She let out a small sound of surprise as she was grabbed, but her smile when she noticed it was Blaine was more than enough to sit them down on the stage, pulling her on top of him as they kissed. She had no reservations about crawling into his lap, fitting almost perfectly on top of him as her hands threaded through his own hair, sucking his bottom lip between her two as she grinned at him with open eyes. He wanted to laugh at how natural it felt to hold onto her, one hand resting on the small of her back to keep her in place and the other high on her thigh, how natural it felt to kiss her.

How natural it felt to question everything he ever knew about himself for her.

Instead he simply let out his own short gasp as her mouth moved from his own, her pink lips wet and bruised as she ducked in to kiss his neck, biting down on it gently and causing his fingers to tighten their grip on her leg. He was sure he felt her push forward slightly with her hips, and he had the vague notion that things could potentially escalate between the two if they weren't careful.

A large part of him wanted to see just how far they could escalate, his mind being made up as her hands moved across his chest, bunching in his cardigan and pulling him closer to her once more as their lips crashed together. He knew already that it couldn't go beyond that one night, that he couldn't risk losing Kurt's friendship over this-Kurt, who was across the room glaring in their direction-and that it wasn't worth it for Rachel to lose her slowly growing friendship with Kurt over this either. She was upset about Finn, Blaine could have been just anyone to her, and while that brought a dull pain to his heart he swatted it away with using the excuse of using her for sexual exploration.

They could use each other, for one night, and both could walk away pain-free.

* * *

><p>Kurt had eventually pulled him away once more, Rachel falling onto the stage as Blaine was dragged away, an apologetic look on his face. But they had a plan now, one made in near silence between kisses, whispered in ears so that Kurt wouldn't suspect them. It wasn't hard to act up on, Kurt supporting Blaine across the room and depositing him on the floor while he turned to Finn and asked if he was ready to go. Blaine instantly faked a deep sleep, hoping it was convincing enough, and sure enough Finn let out a huff of annoyance.<p>

He could hear Finn complaining to Rachel about Blaine passing out, heard her try and wave it off, but Kurt was a lot harder to sway in their favor. "I'm not leaving him here," he argued, his tone harsh in a way that took Blaine for surprise. He'd heard about their rocky past, knew that Kurt had some snideness to him but he'd never heard him be so harsh.

"What's the harm in leaving him?" Rachel asked, her tone so innocent it nearly caused Blaine to smile and completely screw them both over, but he remembered quickly that he was supposed to be passed out, completely oblivious to the conversation unfolding around him as others in the group started to leave, shouting goodbyes in Rachel's direction.

"I'm not leaving him here," Kurt argued again, and Finn let out an exasperated sigh, a 'come on, dude, Blaine's gay what's going to happen?'. "Really, Finn? Did you happen to _miss _your ex-girlfriends activities all evening?"

"Why don't you all stay?" Rachel suggested, and Blaine twitched slightly at the idea, could tell she was grasping at thin air to keep him there as long as she could. "I mean, if he wakes up you can take him home, but what's the point in moving him now?"

"Fine," Kurt grumbled, and Blaine could feel four hands pulling him up, Finn and Kurt on either side of him as they brought him over to the couch. "But I claim your bed, because this floor is wildly uncomfortable."

"I should probably go," Finn said, and Blaine wanted to open his eyes to examine what was going on around him in the silence that followed, but he kept them shut regardless.

"Fine, I'll see you tomorrow," Kurt sighed in exasperation. "Let's go, Rachel," he said, and Blaine heard three sets of footsteps moving up the stairs, mildly panicking when the basement door shut and he was left on his own without Rachel.

"That backfired," he muttered, sitting up slightly and trying to keep himself from feeling dizzy, his bloodstream still more alcohol than blood cells. He tried to figure out what to do, but it was barely ten minutes later that Rachel was tiptoeing back down the stairs, her green dress replaced with shorts and a white teeshirt as she smiled at him from across the room.

"Kurt fell asleep quickly," she said, and he could only grin in response as he waved her back to him, laughing quietly as she practically ran across the room and flew back into his lap, their mouths almost magnetic with how quickly they met once more.

He was met with no resistance as his hand landed on her bare thigh, fingers skimming lightly under the hem of her shorts at unknown territory, her own hands holding steady on his shoulders as she moved her legs on either side of him, sinking more into him as she effectively straddled him, his hips jutting upwards involuntarily. She surprised him with a throaty groan, his lips turning upwards into a smile as he kissed the source of the noise, her own body pressing closer against him.

He'd never felt such a strong connection to a girl, such a strong desire and need for more, but he wanted Rachel in a way he wasn't sure he'd ever wanted anyone else. She seemed to reciprocate the feelings, her hand pushing his cardigan off and his shirt out of her way as she planted kisses along his shoulder, her mouth open and her tongue searing his skin as his hands moved to grab her ass, pulling her tighter against him as he allowed himself to grind into her, rewarded with another soft gasp from her as her hips moved back against him.

She grabbed his hand and placed it on her breast, urging him for more in an incredibly forward fashion that he shouldn't have been surprised at, but he took the hint regardless, doing one better and slipping inside her shirt, pleasantly surprised to find she was without a bra as his hand cupped her, feeling her back arch into him as her teeth pulled at his lip. "Please," she whispered, and he could only nod in consent as he did the best he could, using his thumb and forefinger to tweak at a nipple, getting another thrust from her hips in his direction.

She rested her forehead against his own, her eyes closed as she whined for more, for something to relieve the ache she so desperately seemed to have, and Blaine didn't think twice before he let his hand fall to the waist of her shorts, toying with it slightly before falling further to her thigh, fingers ducking underneath the thin fabric and pushing towards her center, thumb grazing slightly over the bare skin hidden away, no longer surprised that she wasn't wearing underwear underneath the shorts.

"That's kind of naughty, Rachel," he whispered, voice hoarse as his thumb connected with her clit, pressing down on it for pressure as her hips moved forward for more, a soft cry falling from her lips. "Not wearing underwear to come down and meet me."

"Thought they'd get in the way," she whined, sucking her lip between her teeth as she opened her eyes to look at him. "No point." He could only nod in response, pleased with her decision making process even while drinking, his lips pulling her own out from her teeth as she groaned against him, her body practically vibrating against him as his fingers moved lower, pushing inside her just to see her chest heave and her eyes shoot wide open.

He could tell he was doing something right by the way she let her head fall to his shoulder, his name falling from her lips as she rocked herself against his hand in attempts for more. He was almost achingly hard confined in his jeans, and before he knew what he was doing he asked if she could please do _something_, her hands quickly responding to his own plea even as she tightened around his fingers with all her movement.

Her hand was welcome as she managed to free him enough from the confines of his jeans, his own being pushed away from her as she bit her lip in concentration. Blaine would have thought the image of Rachel Berry straddling his lap and stroking him with a serious expression would be cute, not hot, but it only made his head fall back and his hips snap up slightly as his fingers dug into her thigh, hard enough to bruise. "Rachel," he moaned, unable to keep her name from falling off his lips. She frowned slightly, though she didn't halt the swift movement of her hand, her grip tight without bordering on uncomfortable.

"I've never-" she started, her eyes meeting with his quickly. "You know, before."

He nodded, understanding what she was getting at, offering some solace with a quiet "Me either, with a girl at least," he said with a grin, her blush streaking across her skin once more. "We don't have to, you know," he added quieter, but she shook her head, seeming to get ahold of herself once and for all.

"I want to," she told him, and while he wanted to question her further, make sure this was _her _decision and not the alcohols, she was letting go of him and stripping her shorts off, pulling Blaine's jeans completely off from him before he could even offer any objections.

"Are you sure?" he asked quietly, trying to keep his eyes focused on her face and not on the legs that had settled on either side of his own, on her hand once more reaching between them as she took a deep breath. She didn't answer with words, simply set her hands on his shoulders as his hands grabbed onto her hips to hold her steady, letting her slide onto him at her own pace. He couldn't believe the sensation of being inside her, how hot and tight and wet she was around him, her girlish sighs nearly causing him to snap his hips up quickly in an attempt for _more_.

Still, he waited for her to make the first movements, feeling her relax around him before she started to move, her motions slow until she could take more of him in, Blaine's breathing shallow as he let her direct them. He thought briefly, momentarily, about how he could get used to this, fucking Rachel and hearing her whisper his name as his hips started jutting involuntarily, her own picking up the pace in a desperate attempt for all of him, her nails harsh against his skin as she dug into his shoulders while his fingers left bruises on the sides of her hips.

She was the first to come, biting back a loud cry with Blaine's mouth rushing to cover her own, the kiss sloppy and needy and harsh as she clenched down around him, drawing his own orgasm out of him with a strangled moan, the marks they left on the others bodies sure to stay on their skin for longer than necessary.

"Thank you," she whispered after she pulled away from him, quickly finding her clothes to dress once more as he did the same, standing suddenly and fighting off the slight dizziness as he frowned in her direction.

"For what?" he asked, voice quiet once more as she started towards the stairs.

"For making me feel wanted, appreciated" she shrugged, and it nearly broke Blaine's heart in two that the only thing she wanted was so simple to give to her if only the guy she truly wanted saw it, that Blaine would never be given the opportunity again.

He knew, even as Kurt drove them home after Blaine woke him up in an act of confusion as Rachel drifted off to sleep on the other side of him, that he had been given a truly once in a lifetime opportunity with her, something guys would probably kill for. He knew that their relationship wouldn't go further than this one night of drunken debauchery, and when he laid his head down on Kurt's pillow he supposed settling for being Rachel's friend would just have to suffice.


	20. Hands All Over xposted

**a/n:** st. blainchel smut for a prompt from some friends

* * *

><p>"You're living with two of your ex-boyfriends?" was a phrase Rachel had to hear far too often. And despite her assurances that Blaine hardly counted as an ex-boyfriend, and that her and Jesse were completely fine just being friends now, she still received the raised eyebrow and scoff she's gotten used to.<p>

It wasn't like this was how she planned to spend her life, but after the demise of Kurt and Blaine-and Kurt in general, as he wasn't in any of their lives anymore-Blaine had nowhere else to turn to. Rachel had taken him in, and when her lease was up it was only natural for the two of them to get a place with a little more room.

Jesse moving with them definitely hadn't equaled into her plans, but they were working for the same company and had managed to find some semblance of respect for each other and form a friendship, despite their past. And while Blaine was off in classes, trying to finish up grad school with no idea of what he wanted to do for the rest of his life yet, Rachel and Jesse were usually running lines or going over choreography in their moderately sized apartment in midtown, only a few blocks away from their theater.

She spent most of her time with one of the two of them, between shopping and coffee with Blaine, and working with Jesse, and boyfriends were sparse with her little-to-no free time. That was the excuse she gave herself, at least, when the dreams first started.

The first one was about Blaine, and she woke up confused and turned on, forced to take it upon herself to fix the latter. She tried not to read too much into it, assumed it was merely because she had spent the entire day with him painting their kitchen while Jesse was off on a date, and went back to sleep.

The first one she had about Jesse was undoubtedly because they were both understudies to the main roles, and filled in for the evening while the normal cast was out with a nasty bout of the flu. They had thrown themselves so into their roles that when she fell asleep dreaming about what it'd be like to claim Jesse for her own, she couldn't be bothered to read deeper into it.

It's when she started dreaming about the two of them together, or all three of them together, that she realized she might need to expand her group of friends.

* * *

><p>"Never ever have I?" Rachel asked, snorting into her cup of rum and coke, Blaine laughing beside her. "Are we 13?"<p>

"If I remember correctly," Mike Chang chortled, "you once proposed spin-the-bottle back in high school."

"We're older now!" she argued, trying to swat at him and ultimately missing his arm completely as Elizabeth, a girl from their theater company laughed.

"I don't think Rachel needs anything else to drink anyways," Jesse stated from his side of the circle they seem to have fallen into, another dancer named Andrea at his side.

"You say that as if I've done anything interesting anyways," she scoffed, placing her mostly full drink in front of her.

"Well, I say we play," Blaine announced, knocking elbows with Rachel until she gave in, raising her arms to hold up ten fingers while the rest of the group grinned and did the same.

"Fine, but you're going first."

The game seemed relatively harmless at first, though it became cruder as the turns moved around their circle, Rachel learning far more about her friends than she ever desired to know, her friends learning more about _her _than she had previously wanted them to know. It wasn't until the words "Never ever have I had a sex dream about someone in this room," that she started to really worry, her cheeks flushing pink as she took a shot, noting silently that both Blaine and Jesse did the same, their gazes falling her direction.

She tried to push the thought that maybe they were having the same sort of thoughts about her as she was about them out of her brain, but at this point she'd had more rum than she should admit, and bringing it up is looking like a much better idea. She knew better than to bring it up with everyone else around, knew that Jesse was trying to prove to Andrea that he _wasn't _some sort of jackass who slept around anymore.

So she waited until half the group had dispersed, promising to catch cabs and text when they arrived at their own apartments safely, Mike and Blaine laughing hysterically as they tried to do their own personal secret handshake and failed. She grabbed ahold of Jesse's arm, stumbling slightly as he pulled her with him to his bedroom without a thought. Rachel was a touchy-drunk, something they were all used to, and she often ended up sleeping next to one or both of them.

"Jesse," she whined, curling up next to him as he fell onto his bed, too tired and drunk to do more than that. "Jesse, I have to tell you something."

"I don't care that you don't want to go to your bed, Rachel," he groaned, rolling over to give her more room.

"No, not that," she scoffed, moving closer to him, not caring about personal space anymore. "Remember, earlier, when we were playing the game- the ever even have I-"

"Never ever have I," he corrected automatically, stuffing his face into his pillow in an attempt to tune her out.

"Well, you and Blaine both took shots during the sex dream part-"

"And?"

"And so did I," she finished, hoping he'd catch on without the words actually having to come out of her mouth.

"And?" he asked, causing her to sigh loudly.

"_And _I think we should do something about it."

"What makes you think Blaine or I were talking about you?" Jesse finally asked, rolling on his side to look at Rachel.

"You both looked at me," she shrugged, the only real evidence she has, and when he let out another exasperated sigh, she knew she hit the nail on the head. "Please?"

"Are you asking me if I'll have a threesome with you and Blaine?" he clarified, knitting his eyebrows together in slight confusion.

"Yes?" She responded, her voice a higher pitch than normal. He laughed, long and hard, enough so that Rachel nearly got up to go find Blaine and proposition him instead with the idea, but by the time she swung one leg off the bed, Jesse's hand caught her by the waist and pulled her back to him.

"This has the potential to go wrong on every level, Rachel, and you're going to have to be ready for that."

"Is that a yes?"

"That's a yes." Rachel smiled and hummed in contention, burrowing herself into Jesse's side and falling asleep dreaming of a way to bring the idea up to Blaine in the morning.

* * *

><p>It turned out that she didn't even have to broach the subject with Blaine, his smirking face telling far too much for her taste first thing the next morning as he handed her a cup of coffee. "Don't you ever get hung over?" she mumbled, the sunlight streaming in through the living room window too bright for her eyes.<p>

"Of course not," Blaine replied cheerfully, Rachel only groaning in response as she collapsed on a stool at their island counter, her head resting next to her cup as she closed her eyes to fight off the wave of nausea that swept through her. "So, I talked to Jesse this morning."

Her head quickly snapped up, eyes wide as she remembered with a gasp of horror that she had actually gone through with the idea to bring up the slightest possibility of something happening between the three of them, but Blaine was merely amused even as she stared at him in shock. "I was-"

"Really, really drunk? Yes, I remember. At one point I think you demanded I carry you around the apartment." Rachel only winced in reply as Blaine let out a small laugh. "Rach, it's fine. The three of us are practically inseparable. I'm surprised it took you this long to bring up."

"What do you mean, this long? It's not like I've been harboring some secret desire to sleep with you both for years," she shot back as harshly as she could with bed head and her arms wrapped around her stomach, holding herself together.

"That's a shame, Jesse and I have just been waiting for you to get on board with the idea."

Rachel was pretty sure she was hearing things at this point as Blaine moved to the fridge, grabbing the carton of orange juice and pouring himself a glass as she tried to compose herself. "What?"

"Well, think about it Rach. We're two guys who are way too busy for proper relationships, and you're right there. And, let's face it, you're hot. Do you think we _wouldn't _be attracted to you?" Blaine questioned, Rachel flushing pink at his words. "Granted, we'd talk about it in a vague 'never gonna happen' kind of aspect, but if you're game-"

"Are you actually suggesting we do this?" Rachel asked quietly, Blaine nodding in response as she tried to take a deep breath. If Blaine was on board, and Jesse had agreed, Rachel couldn't see why they shouldn't, aside from the obvious that this could complicate everything between the three. "Okay, I'm in," she said after a moment, because in the end she knew her dreams wouldn't stop, and if she had a chance to make them a reality-well, Rachel Berry was never one to pass up an opportunity. "This weekend. Jesse and I both have Saturday off, unless the leads become wildly ill, so we'll do it then."

"Why do I have a feeling this is going to be the most organized threesome ever to exist?" Blaine laughed, kissing the side of her head as she moved to go take a shower and prepare herself for the long day ahead.

"Because I'm involved," she retorted, shooting him a smile before walking away, practically feeling his stare through her skin as she did so.

Yes, Rachel Berry was definitely okay with this plan.

* * *

><p>She spent the next few days obsessing over details, on who would start and who would be with whom, Blaine and Jesse just raising eyebrows and smirking at each other whenever she brought up the subject. Really, she thought they were being a bit childish, but when the time eventually came it turned out all her planning was for naught.<p>

"Good afternoon gorgeous," Jesse murmured when she walked through the front door after spending the afternoon with a cast mate in Central Park, his hands sliding around her waist as he pulled her close. Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion, but he quickly leaned over to kiss her and she eased into it naturally. It had been awhile since they'd kissed-off stage, at least-but it was as familiar as ever, the taste of toothpaste evident as always, her hands winding around his neck.

"Shouldn't we wait for Blaine?" she whispered when they pulled apart, her body melding into his own as she rested her heels back to the floor from where she had been standing on her toes.

"Blaine's right here," Blaine called out from across the room, and Rachel flushed a bright pink as she looked over Jesse's shoulder to locate the other boy, watching them from her doorway. Her attention went back to Jesse for a moment, almost as if she was questioning him for approval-something she realized she didn't need, per say, but it seemed right at the time-before moving towards Blaine, almost shy in her movements.

He didn't seem as shy, quickly leaning in to close the gap between them, and Rachel sighed as she eased into him, her hands grabbing his hair as she pulled him closer, the kiss more intense than the one with Jesse even as she felt the other boy move behind her, move hair off her neck and place soft kisses there. She felt Blaine's hands on her hips as he pulled her backwards, Jesse taking off her coat for her and throwing it on her desk as they migrated into her room, somehow moving seamlessly as one entity as they tumbled onto her bed.

She turned her attention back to Jesse, kissing him once more as Blaine's hands moved over her body, light caresses she could feel even through the fabric of her clothes, and it she was almost sure she was dreaming once more before he moved hesitantly underneath her shirt, her skin trembling lightly at the touch. She could see as Jesse's hand was doing the same to Blaine, the act intriguing her as she parted her lips from his and watched, both seeming to sense what she wanted to really see as they leaned over her and kissed. The sight was enough to leave her breathless without even having participated, watching as Jesse took dominance over Blaine as his tongue slipped into the others mouth, Blaine's hand pressing hard into her rib cage where it was rested underneath her shirt.

It was Jesse who broke out of the kiss first, Rachel sitting between them with wide eyes, Blaine licking his lips even as Jesse turned his attention back to Rachel. She met him halfway, her hand clenching into his hair as she pulled him closer, a lot more eager now than she had been only moments before as she moved to her knees, Blaine chuckling from beside her as he unbuttoned her shirt, sliding it over her shoulders with a little help from Jesse. She let out a small gasp when his mouth was suddenly moving across the skin of her stomach, parting from Jesse only to have said boy remove her bra while she watched as Blaine's tongue moved up her torso, his lips planting kisses as they moved across her breasts, Rachel letting out a small hum of approval as her eyes locked back on Jesse's.

She tried to focus on Jesse removing his own shirt, her eyes trailing over the expanse of skin she hadn't seen in years-skin that she yearned to reach out and touch-and he only smirked in return as her mouth fell open in reaction to Blaine's tongue.

"You're going to get her off before we even get to anything good at this rate, Anderson," Jesse said dryly, Rachel flushing pink despite the circumstances, Blaine turning his head slightly to raise an eyebrow at the other.

"I don't see you helping," he retorted shortly, Jesse merely rolling his eyes before pulling Rachel closer to him, Blaine frowning slightly at the loss of contact between the two of them. Rachel was about to say something when Jesse's mouth shut her own up, Blaine now removing his own clothing before moving behind her, his skin warm pressed up against her own as she let her hands fall to Jesse's waistband, fingers brushing just barely under the edge of it.

She could feel as Blaine's own trailed over her skin, his lips pressed against her shoulder as he moved up her thigh and underneath her skirt, Rachel's breathing hitching slightly as she focused on the task of unsnapping Jesse's jeans, his forehead pressed against her own as his blue eyes focused at her hands between them, moving his pants out of the way, Rachel letting out a small breathless giggle as Jesse wiggled his hips to take them off completely, his boxers leaving shortly thereafter. Rachel made no hesitation in wrapping her hand around him, a soft groan falling from his lips at the contact.

It was more difficult than she had anticipated, keeping a steady rhythm in her movements while Blaine was pushing aside her underwear, his fingers seeming to know exactly how to move against her, methodical almost as he ran his thumb over her clit, two fingers slipping inside of her easily. She barely had time to adjust to that before Jesse's hand was at her breast, kneading and groping and ghosting over her nipples, the two sensations at once sending her into a haze that she wasn't quite able to clear out of enough to keep her hand moving quickly, her whimpers audible in the quiet of the room.

Blaine was pressed tight against her, and she could feel his erection even through layers of clothing, and she had the notion to turn around and free him of his own constraints just as she had done for Jesse when his fingers hooked in her and sent her in a tailspin quicker than she could even imagine, a loud "Blaine!" tumbling from her lips as she grabbed onto Jesse to steady herself, his own hands holding her waist to keep her up on her knees while Blaine continued to move his fingers in and out of her before she could sway him away, breathing heavier than she had been before.

"Pants," she simply stated, Blaine kissing her quickly with a short chuckle as Jesse reached over to help Blaine out of the offending clothing, Rachel stripping her own skirt off and throwing it in the direction of her hamper out of habit. She was halted as Blaine and Jesse attacked each other's mouths again, chewing on the corner of her mouth as she watched once more with wide eyes, Jesse's hand reaching out to pull her close before they could part, both of them slightly out of breath as they turned to her, Blaine's hand now where Rachel's own had been a few moments before, stroking Jesse with ease as Jesse told her to turn around.

She did as she was told, feeling Jesse's hand grab onto her waist as he pushed her down with his free hand, Rachel coming to rest on her hands before she swatted at Blaine's thigh to get him to move in front of her, his dark eyes meeting her own after trailing across her body. She felt a shiver run down her spine, even as Jesse positioned himself behind her, and it wasn't until he was moving forward that Blaine finally moved in front of her, her mouth falling open at the feeling of Jesse inside her.

"Fuck," Jesse exclaimed from behind her, all the way inside her as she bowed her head against the bed until Blaine lifted it once more, leaning over to kiss her, wet and hungry and full of too much teeth and tongue as Jesse started pulling himself out before slamming back into her, her teeth sinking into Blaine's bottom lip as Jesse did so.

Blaine made some sort of whine into her mouth as she let go, trying to get out an apology before Jesse's hands tightened around her waist, her words lost before they could find their way out. She couldn't do much beyond stare at Blaine with glassy eyes, licking her lips instinctively when she noticed him working his hand over himself. She was hypnotized by the simple act for a moment, that Blaine would be so desperate as to take matters into his own hands-literally-that she couldn't find the words that she wanted. Finally they came to her, a small "Let me," coming from her quietly as Blaine glanced behind her at Jesse before he nodded, Jesse stilling his movements inside of her for a moment while they figured out a way to situate themselves.

She didn't hesitate before wrapping her mouth around the head of Blaine's dick once it was presented in front of her, Blaine's fingers tangling almost immediately in her hair as she let her lips go further, Jesse starting his motions again once she had started building up her own pace. She let out a small moan, Blaine shuddering at the sensation and his fingers tightening in her hair, pulling lightly and only causing louder noises to come from deep down in her throat, Jesse muttering about how hot the sight of her sucking Blaine off was as he started moving faster.

The three of them were in no way keeping any sort of perfect rhythm, Rachel's hips moving backwards to meet Jesse's thrusts while Blaine's were moving forward to delve deeper inside her mouth, hitting the back of her throat with ease within minutes. She could barely tell who was who anymore, what noises were coming from where, only aware that she was rapidly approaching yet another end, and soon.

Blaine was the first to come, Rachel swallowing around him before letting go and letting out her own responding scream as she clenched down tightly around where Jesse was rapidly coming undone as well, the three of them a mess of tangled limbs and sweat as they all fell apart.

Rachel merely collapsed on the bed, too tired to bother holding herself anymore, Jesse and Blaine doing the same after she did, none bothering to move too far out of the way. Jesse lay with his head on her stomach, Rachel's fingers running through his hair as she lay across Blaine's chest, his own hand rubbing up and down her arm as breathing evened out, the room feeling stifling even though it was freezing outside.

"That was so much better than my dreams," she finally managed to say, Blaine laughing as Jesse presumably rolled his eyes at her.

"Good enough to go again?" Blaine asked after a moment, his voice hopeful, and Rachel couldn't keep the smile off her face as she looked up at him.

"Definitely."


	21. Maybe xposted

"Whoa," Blaine's voice called out as Rachel ran past him, trying to find a quiet space to clear her head. "Rachel, what's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Rachel called out, trying to maneuver past him as he grabbed ahold of her arm, stopping her efforts. "Blaine, please just let me-"

"Are you crying?" He asked, his hand dropping down to grasp hers, concern and worry coloring his voice. "Rachel, come on, tell me what's wrong."

She didn't look at him, focusing instead on the ceiling above them, trying to regain her composure. This wasn't how she had planned to be proposed to, in her high school auditorium to her high school boyfriend. She loved Finn, she did, but he wasn't the love of her life, and to suggest otherwise-even she knew at 17 that it was unreasonable. "Finn asked me to marry him," she finally said in a quiet voice, noting how wide Blaine's eyes went at the news.

"What did you say?" Blaine responded, his voice just as quiet and steady, as if he was holding back from speaking his mind on the matter.

"I said I'd have to think about it," she answered honestly, her eyes locking with his as he let out a low breath.

"What's there to think about?" he asked her, his voice quiet. She was ready to give him a stock answer, but this was Blaine-_her _Blaine, much more so than Kurts' Blaine these days- and he deserved the truth.

"I love him," she told him. "But I don't know if I love him enough for that."

"You don't," Blaine answered for her, a slight blush crawling over her cheeks as she broke his gaze, feeling overwhelmed by just how serious he was being with her. "If there's even a doubt in your mind, then you don't Rachel. You're never-you know exactly what you want, and what you don't."

"Not all the time," she replied, voice small. There was a time she thought she wanted Blaine, or more so that Blaine wanted her, and sometimes-like now, for example-she was reminded of that. But it would pass as soon as Finn took her in his arms, or Kurt appeared and linked hands with Blaine.

"Rachel, you don't love him enough to do something this rash so young," he countered, and this seemed to infuriate her slightly.

"But what if he's my soulmate, Blaine? We've been through so much and to throw it all away-"

"You'd be throwing away even more if you said 'yes', Rachel. You'd be throwing away the girl I've heard about, who once managed to sing a 'fuck you' song to the quarterback of the football team and have everyone on her side. The one who once slapped the same guy for leading her on, the one who just months ago was reminded that Broadway was your soulmate." She frowned, her gaze towards their shoes as she took in his words. He was right, of course, because he read her better than anyone.

Much better than Finn.

"I didn't even know you knew about half of that," she said quietly after a moment, a small smile forming on her face.

"Kurt filled me in," Blaine explained, returning her grin with his own.

"Thank you Blaine," she whispered, standing on her toes to kiss his cheek, only to land her lips on the side of his mouth. Their eyes widened in surprise at the other, Blaine freezing under her lips, but he didn't say anything as they parted, simply squeezed the hand that was laced with his own.

"You're welcome," he assured her, his voice quiet before squeezing her hand once more and turning to leave. "Just remember- you're better than this." She knew, deep down, that he meant so much more than the surface let on.

That maybe, he felt so much more than the surface let on.


	22. Rings xposted

**a/n: **written for day one of blainchel week (future day!) and crossposted there as of like, right now

* * *

><p>Cooper had begrudgingly accepted his little brothers offer to move in together if only because he couldn't stand the idea of finding some random roommate at nearly 30 years old. He wasn't sure how living with Blaine would play out, they'd always been amicable when they were younger but Blaine had done a fair amount of growing up just as much as Cooper had, and within a week of them living together Cooper was seeing just how much.<p>

For one, he was a lot more naturally confident in himself, instead of having to fake everything as he did when they were younger. He was happier, and while he was struggling to figure out what he wanted from life-he was in grad school, though more because it was something to do than because he wanted to be. The biggest change he noticed, however, was how often Cooper could see how his younger brothers eyes wander to a certain friend of his, one no one would have expected him to fall for.

Rachel was constantly around, whether she was helping Blaine with his school work or he was helping her run lines for her various productions she was constantly in, or the odd moment when the two were simply relaxing, a movie on the television as Rachel napped, her head in Blaine's lap and his fingers running through her hair. Cooper didn't say anything about it for awhile, too busy mourning his own relationship that had blown up in his face when someone came in and swooped in on the girl he had just proposed to, figuring that if Blaine wanted to pretend he wasn't in love with the loud, occasionally abrasive girl, it wasn't in Coopers position to tell him otherwise.

After awhile though, he started to notice how Rachel reciprocated the things Blaine wouldn't seem to admit. Cooper would sit in the kitchen as she busied herself preparing a meal for the two of them, even if she didn't have to-and really, Cooper didn't think she ever had to-watched as Blaine broke down into her arms under the stress of exams and figuring out what he wanted from his life. Blaine couldn't be blind to the way she held onto him a little too long, how her eyes raked over him and how she was seemingly attached to his side.

"When are you going to ask her out?" Cooper asked one morning over breakfast, Blaine's eyebrows shooting up nearly into his hairline in surprise as he choked on his yogurt.

"Ask who out?" he asked, Cooper just rolling his eyes in response.

"The queen, I hear she's really keen on you these days," he shot back, Blaine muttering about it being too early for sarcasm under his breath momentarily. "Rachel Berry, future star and girl whose clearly just as crazy about you as you are for her."

"We're not-it's not like that," Blaine stuttered, his words not sounding convincing to anyone, not even himself. "We're just friends."

"Yeah, and soon she's going to get tired of playing that charade with you, and someone else will come and sweep her off her feet, and you're going to be left all alone."

"I'm not-"

"Yes, you are."

Still, Blaine didn't ask her out, and it only served to frustrate Cooper more-and he didn't even know when he'd become so invested in his brothers love life, except it gave him a reason to ignore his own. But as he watched, there were subtle actions that proved Blaine had listened to him, that he was edging nearer and nearer towards actually making a move.

Cooper walked into his room one night to find Blaine sitting on his bed, the ring box he'd once used open in Blaine's lap. "What are you doing?" Cooper asked hesitantly, knowing that Blaine's ideas of romance were either over the top or too little, vaguely concerned his brother had actually proposed before he even asked the girl out.

"I asked her out," Blaine said with a small smile. "We had a real date, last night. A date we both knew was a date, where we kissed and-"

"Really, don't need to know more after that," Cooper interrupted, Blaine only smirking in return.

"I'm in love with her. I have been, all this time, haven't I?" Blaine asked, looking up at Cooper. Cooper could only nod in agreement, because he couldn't remember a time before Rachel owned Blaine's heart, and instead of arguing it off or ignoring it, Blaine's grin only seemed to widen. "I'm going to marry her. Not-not yet, I don't want to rush into anything but-I will."

"Well then," Cooper said, grabbing his brothers hand and pulling him off the bed. "We should get you your own ring."


	23. You Are The Girl

If there was one thing Blaine learned early on in life, it was to expect the unexpected.

Six years ago, at his high school graduation, Mike Chang had asked him where he thought he'd be five years from now. Residing in New York, of course, was almost a given. Living with Rachel Berry, Sebastian Smythe and Jesse St. James, however, was not. Having Cooper back in his life on an almost regular basis was definitely out of the cards, whereas planning a future with Kurt Hummel was a certainty. And yet, at 22, Blaine's life was the complete opposite of everything he'd once envisioned.

It had taken everyone by surprise, himself included, when it was him who broke up with Kurt. People had assumed the distance would wear them down, that Kurt would find out what the real world was like and sever ties with Blaine the second he stepped onto Parsons campus in Manhattan, but it was over Christmas break that Blaine decided he couldn't do it anymore. The distance only took in a small factor of it, the fact that he was tired of being seen by everyone around him as '_Kurt Hummel's boyfriend_' a larger weight in the equation.

Blaine had expected to get stuck with losing everyone except Sebastian, a friendship forged between the two with Kurt out of the picture. The summer he moved to Manhattan, however, Rachel had shown up at his dorm within days, a cup of coffee in hand and an offer of friendship she feared was five months too late. He'd wrapped her up in a hug, grinning at her small laugh, and assured her it was never too late.

Jesse was a bit more complicated. It had been Sebastian, of all people, who ran into him-they never heard the full story, though Blaine feared it might be a little more explicit than the version they ran through Rachel when they all met up in the park one afternoon. She'd raised an eyebrow in her trademark disbelief of their '_accidentally running into each other in a Starbucks_' story, but didn't question how they knew each other further, something Blaine quite frankly was thankful for.

Cooper, of all people, was the biggest surprise at all. The summer Rachel graduated from NYADA, she landed a spot in a small theater company working an off-off-Broadway production of RENT, her excitement only dampened slightly when she found out who, exactly, would play Roger Davis-none other than Cooper Anderson. None of the four had known he was even on the eastern seaboard, much less in Manhattan, and when Blaine accompanied Rachel to her first day of rehearsals only to see his brother standing in the middle of the stage, winning over the girl who was playing Mimi, Blaine felt a surge of rage only quelled by Rachel's hand around his wrist as she whispered to calm down.

It had taken six months for Blaine to calm down, torn between never wanting to see the production and knowing he had to for Rachel, resenting every moment she mentioned his name around the townhouse they'd all moved into for Blaine and Sebastian's final year of college. His only saving grace was that he rarely saw her, swamped down in school work while she busied herself with her show and, awkwardly enough, Jesse.

They'd tried to keep it a secret, but as Sebastian pointed out one morning over breakfast, there was only so much you could keep quiet in a house they all shared. Blaine supposed it could be worse, having gone down to visit Rachel during rehearsals with Sebastian and enduring his brother hitting on her, stinging in a way he wasn't able to quite place. She hadn't seem to reciprocate, for which Blaine was grateful, but whether it was because she didn't want to or because she was toning it down for Blaine's sanity, he wasn't sure.

Cooper had tried to initiate conversations with Blaine, many of which were short lived as Blaine glared into the distance, still not ready to put the past behind him. It took weeks of Rachel begging him to give Cooper another chance before Blaine finally caved, and while his brothers ego was still big-bigger than ever, if he wasn't mistaken-he did seem to want to try and have a real relationship now that they were both older and out of Lima.

It was easier said than done, but so was everything else that Blaine had managed to accomplish over the past few years.

Since the demise of his relationship with Kurt back in high school, Blaine had three serious boyfriends, as well as a smattering of others here and there inbetween. He wasn't proud to admit that Sebastian was amongst the smatterings, though Sebastian was at least decent enough to never mention it again. If Blaine was honest, he wasn't sure there was anyone he knew that Sebastian hadn't at least hit on, and if he decided he wanted someone he usually got them.

The only exception that Blaine knew of was Rachel. He had been surprised, when they first moved in together, how blatantly forward Sebastian was with her. She ignored him, playing it off, and it wasn't until one night when Jesse was off at work that Sebastian made a move, crawling on top of where she lay in their living room, the three of them drunk in celebration of Sebastian's new job, Rachel giving in momentarily before she pushed him away with a laugh and a promise that she didn't make out with gay guys when she was drunk anymore.

Blaine ignored the slight annoyance at her declaration.

Sebastian had tried to assure her, while his hand trailed across the bare skin she'd somehow started to expose when her shirt rode up some, that he wasn't Blaine-he wasn't 100% gay, and he was definitely 100% interested. She'd raised an eyebrow at his response but continued to push him off until she disappeared into her room, leaving Sebastian under Blaine's care as he muttered about what a prude she was. Blaine had told him to shut up before moving to his own room, not knowing if he could find the willpower to push Sebastian off if he tried anything with him, knowing it was only a matter of time-the three of them were all handsy drunks, something that Blaine was worried would one day blow up in their faces.

* * *

><p>"Jesse and Rachel are fighting again," Sebastian whispered as he walked by Blaine one morning, and sure enough a moment later he heard Rachel's voice, loud and angry through the ceiling above him.<p>

"Why now?" Blaine asked, spreading jelly on a piece of toast before passing it off to Sebastian, pulling out more bread to make himself another slice.

"Same old, same old. Jesse's spending a lot of time with that Jessica chick, who, if you ask me has _nothing _on Rachel, but maybe Rachel won't put out for him anymore." Blaine raised an eyebrow at Sebastian's comment, knowing that both could verify that statement as 100% false. The negatives, he supposed, of living with your friends who were dating meant that you often had to hear their sex lives without wanting to, though he also had to overhear Sebastian's on a regular basis as well and he wasn't dating anyone in the house.

"Or maybe they've just realized that they're never going to work long term?" Blaine offered as another explanation, Sebastian shrugging as he slid onto the counter top, feet kicking gently against the cabinets as they listened to the fight above them in silence. Eavesdropping had stopped making Blaine feel guilty a long time ago, after the night Sebastian crept into his room to get a better listen of Rachel and an ex-boyfriend in the room next to Blaine's. He'd been trying to ignore it, trying to ignore how the small mewls from the other room was sending a rush of desire through his bloodstream, but Sebastian had a tendency to push past boundaries most would consider imperative and usually pulled Blaine along with him.

"Fine!" They heard Jesse yell back, both eyes glued to the stairs as he stomped down them. Rachel was the yeller, the one who accused and jabbed and Jesse usually kept quiet and calm, but he continued yelling on his way out the door, words like 'we're through' and 'for the last time' coming out of his mouth before he slammed the front door shut, Sebastian and Blaine looking at each other.

"I took care of her last time," Sebastian shrugged, chewing on his toast.

"First off, do you think I would allow you near an emotionally vulnerable Rachel? You'll probably try and seduce her again," Blaine snorted, resigning himself to making sure she was okay and ignoring the glint in Sebastian's eye. "No, you stay here, I have it under control." Sebastian made a move to get up regardless, Blaine placing a hand on his shoulder and shaking his head until Sebastian let out a heavy sigh and glanced upstairs.

"Fine, you'd probably do better with her anyways," Sebastian smirked, the glint still there and Blaine couldn't tell exactly what he meant with his words, because with Sebastian it was never right there clear in front of him, but Blaine decided to ignore him before heading upstairs to make sure his friend was okay.

* * *

><p>Jesse didn't come home for three nights following, only stumbling in sometime in the evening when Sebastian had fortunately taken Rachel out to distract her from the horrible break up, leaving Blaine home alone.<p>

"What are you doing here?" Blaine asked when Jesse wandered into the kitchen, Jesse's arms crossed defensively over his chest.

"I happen to live here," Jesse retorted snidely, Blaine not afraid to hold his own against the other.

"Funny, because you haven't been here since you broke Rachel's heart and stormed out," Blaine replied in turn, glad to see that Jesse had at least the decency to flinch at his words. "I don't think you should be here when she returns."

"You're not her boyfriend, Blaine," Jesse hissed, the words sounding like venom as they hit him. He didn't even understand why it hurt, but the important thing wasn't him right now, it was getting Jesse as far away from the place before Rachel showed up and they fell into another round of 'on' that would only end in the same place. Neither would ever unbreak the cycle, and Blaine was sick of watching them fall into it. If it was up to him to break it, then so be it.

"Neither are you," Blaine reminded Jesse, keeping his tone steady so that he wouldn't hear the slight waver he felt in the words. "I suggest you come around when you know Rachel won't be and get whatever you need to, and find a new place to live."

"You can't just kick me out," Jesse scoffed, Blaine smiling slightly as he nodded.

"Actually, we took a vote. Three against one. And even if Rachel, for some reason, thinks it'd be good for you to be in her life any longer-two against two, and if I remember correctly, it was Sebastian's father who owns the place."

"Well, look who finally grew a backbone," Jesse snapped, causing Blaine to raise an eyebrow as Jesse continued to scowl at him, the two lapsing into some sort of silence. Blaine was still worried about Rachel and Sebastian coming home, but Jesse turned on his heel and announced he'd be there Monday to pick up his things before the door slammed and Blaine was left in silence once more.

Blaine couldn't honestly say he was sorry to see him go.

* * *

><p>There was something about Jesse's words that had hit some chord Blaine didn't know he had, something that only seemed to haunt him late at night as he stared at his ceiling and attempted to sleep.<p>

_You're not her boyfriend, Blaine_.

It was an obvious statement, one that he had never questioned. Rachel was, without a doubt, one of his closest friends. When it came down to it, one of two he had learned to depend on. She looked out for him, and he for her, and he never thought beyond it. They were kindred spirits of a sort, he remembered her saying once. Kurt had once been her soul sister, but Blaine was something different. They'd been drunk, of course, Sebastian passed out on the floor between them as they leaned against their couch. She hadn't been able to place exactly what Blaine was to her, but she said it was so much more than just friendship.

He was starting to understand her difficulty at placing what was supposed to be a simple relationship with a simple term.

There were things that Blaine had once overlooked, like the way she smiled at him when they were talking about their days, or how his hand kind of fell to her hip whenever she leaned up to kiss him on the cheek goodbye. They made his stomach do small flips, his smile a bit more strained and he felt nervous of all things if he placed too much thought onto these actions, and he was slowly starting to.

Worst of all was how she seemed to be clinging to Sebastian in the wake of her relationship with Jesse's demise. Blaine could feel a surge of jealousy and protection run through him whenever Sebastian's eyes trailed over her a little too long, whenever her hand grabbed for Sebastian instead of Blaine, and as much as he tried to quell it, it seemed to rise time and time again.

When Blaine had question Sebastian on what he was doing, Sebastian had merely laughed and told him not to worry about it. This, in turn, only served to worry Blaine more. He knew, better than most, that when Sebastian wanted something, he eventually got it. It was only a matter of _when_, and _how_, and those thoughts kept Blaine awake longer than he'd have admitted to his roommates.

Surprisingly enough, Sebastian wasn't the one he really had to worry about. Cooper, it seemed, had struck up a friendship with Rachel separate of his relationship with Blaine, and while he shouldn't have been shocked to see Cooper and Rachel sitting in his living room one afternoon, talking about the rest of their cast, he was. He only stayed a moment, red flashing in the back of his mind as Coopers hand fell to Rachel's knee, and it was this more than anything else that made him come to a startling realization.

Somewhere along the line, Rachel Berry had become so much more than just a friend to him.

There was an abundance of problems that came with the realization that he had feelings for Rachel.

The most important was that she _was _one of his closest friends, and he'd seen how badly that could end. Finn and Kurt were no longer a part of their lives after their respective relationships with them had ended, and Jesse hadn't been seen since the day he officially moved out. He couldn't imagine a world where Rachel wasn't somehow involved in it, was reminded of a dark time that she had been absent whenever he saw a photo from his senior prom that Sebastian had begrudgingly allowed on their living room wall. At the time it hadn't seemed like the end of his world, trying to focus mostly on moving past his relationship with Kurt and become his own person. But now, the thought of her not being in the room next to him was nearly crippling, and he didn't think he'd make it through more than a day or two before he begged her to come back.

There was also the problem that guys seemed to trip over themselves to get to her. She held a certain charisma to her, where even if she could be seen as obnoxiously loud and abrasive, she was passionate and caring and if she decided to turn her affections in your direction, you'd be in for one of the best-if not complicated-relationships of your life. He'd watched in high school as Finn struggled to keep his hold on her attention, so much so that a wedding had almost occurred in his attempt to keep her as his. He'd watched as Jesse caught her attention, managed to secure it, and then destroyed it at his own hands before snatching it back nearly three times of his own count. She was intoxicating in her own unique way, and that drew people in to her, even if they didn't stay. Sebastian, he was sure, didn't want her in the same way that Blaine did. Sebastian rarely wanted people for more than a brief fling, but he actually cared about her friendship enough not to act on it-or so Blaine was hoping. Cooper was a landmine of confusion, because he'd never paid enough attention to his brothers love life to know what his style was, what he wanted or how long he'd want her for.

Which led to his third, and potentially most crippling, problem.

He had no idea how to fight for her.

* * *

><p>"Blaine!" Rachel called out, waving from her spot on the stage where she was running through dance steps with their choreographer and, annoyingly enough, Cooper. He'd come to surprise her, bringing with him her favorite take-out food so that she'd remember to actually eat-something he did every once in a while when he was bored or putting off applications to graduate school-but it seemed to weigh so much more in his mind now. Everything that happened between the two of them did, and it was like he was adding up points to know how far he had to go to win her over.<p>

The fact that she still thought of him as completely gay was definitely hindering his case, he realized as they sat down on the stage and she asked him about his own love life, questioning the boys in his classes and he could only respond with vague answers as he tried to figure out how to point out that no, none of his fellow students caught his eye, but she had.

He wasn't as panicked about the fact that she was a girl as he supposed he should have been, but he figured that after having lived with her for so long, and having a horrible tendency to get himself off as she fucked whichever boyfriend she was dating at the time, that didn't matter so much. There weren't other girls that he found himself thinking about as his hand wrapped tightly around himself, it was only Rachel's legs parted and Rachel's mouth he envisioned these days as he came with a silent cry.

Really, the fact that he was gay and had fallen for a girl was the least of his problems.

He couldn't help but be envious of the casual way in which his brother seemed to inch his way into Rachel's life, Cooper showing up more and more even as Blaine tried to show him up. If Cooper took her out to dinner, Blaine woke her early for breakfast outside of Tiffany's, a traveling mug of coffee ready and waiting for her when she'd appear downstairs with a smile on her face. If Cooper hugged her goodbye, Blaine found himself kissing the top of her head in greeting. She didn't seem surprised by his affection, and he supposed she had a reason. The two had never really had boundaries with one another, and if he pushed past the small ones they had, she didn't even seem to notice.

He felt a small victory the day he overheard her on the phone, telling Cooper she couldn't spend time with him that evening because she had previously made plans with Blaine and Sebastian. Sebastian, who was in turn posing another obstacle to overcome, his advances becoming clearer and clearer and would be sure to rear their head before the end of the evening once alcohol became an intrinsic point of their night, but he was the lesser of the two evils. Sebastian would want nothing from Rachel but sex, and Rachel wasn't ever going to put up with something like that. Rachel wanted the whole nine yards, whether she was proclaiming to give up on boys for the moment or not. She wanted romance, someone to call her own and show off and care for, and Sebastian would never be that.

Besides, Blaine reminded himself, he was more than capable of distracting Sebastian if it came to that.

* * *

><p>"Did you know," Rachel proclaimed as Sebastian dragged her in through their front door, trying not to stumble over his own feet as he did so. "That I have kissed both of you?"<p>

"We did know that," Sebastian smirked, his arm wrapped easily around her waist as Blaine locked their door, feeling slightly woozy himself. The walk back from the bar they occasionally frequented had done nothing to sober him up, the hot summer night only seeming to make his world hazier, and it was this, he decided, that made his brain think it was okay to slump against the wall next to Rachel and proclaim what he did next.

"But we haven't kissed since high school," he reminded her, Rachel's eyes almost glinting with a mischievous tone that he was sure would be the death of him if she spoke, but Sebastian had her trapped between himself and the wall, leaving her unable to do much but grin at him.

"That's because you're gay, Blaine," Sebastian reminded him, his tone almost annoyed, as if Blaine was blocking him from running his game on Rachel as her eyes stayed focused on his face, ignoring the hand that Sebastian was rubbing against her side.

"Doesn't mean I can't kiss Rachel if I want to," Blaine argued, trying to focus on the green eyes swimming with blue before he was ultimately drawn towards Rachel once more.

"We're not in high school anymore," she whispered, and there was a tint of sadness laced behind her words that Blaine wanted to make disappear. For the first time, he thought maybe his efforts weren't in vain, that he was somehow capturing her attention as fully as she had his, and he didn't care that Sebastian was still between them as he placed a soft kiss to her bare shoulder, feeling her stare as he did so.

"I know we're not," he replied, Sebastian scoffing and Blaine could practically feel his annoyance as he flexed his grip on her hips, trying to show Blaine that _he _was the one who had spent all this time in trying to seduce Rachel, that this was supposed to be his job and his night, but Blaine could already tell that Sebastian wasn't who she was going to turn to.

"You're gay," she reminded him, her voice still quiet as Sebastian tried to second it with an all too explicit reminder of activities they'd kept well hidden from Rachel, her face remaining passive towards his words.

"And?" he questioned, Sebastian snorting. "That doesn't mean I can't want you, Rachel," he admitted, and she blushed slightly at his words, her head ducking as she gazed at where Sebastian's hand was moving under the hem of her shirt, pushing it up slightly.

"What are you doing?" she asked him, sounding caught off-guard as if she'd noticed him for the first time, and when Sebastian ducked his head under her ear to reply with a low 'seducing you' in a voice Blaine was far too used to hearing, Rachel merely shook her head and pushed him away. Sebastian sighed in frustration as she steadied herself before walking past both of them, though she grazed Blaine's hand as she passed and gave him a look he couldn't quite decipher.

"You are ruining everything," Sebastian groaned, wiping his face with his hand. "You couldn't have figured out you're in love with her until after I got in her pants?"

"Sorry," Blaine shrugged, though as he moved to go towards his own room and sleep off what was sure to be a horrible hangover, he found he couldn't really be sorry at all.

* * *

><p>She was already at her theater by the time Blaine woke up and crawled out of his bed the next day, wincing with a headache before running to the bathroom to throw up what had to be the entirety of the past weeks meals. The plans he had made as he fell asleep the night before-to wake her up and talk about what he had said, how he hadn't meant it just because he was drunk, to see if there really was the shot that she might reciprocate-they'd all been dashed as he showered and tried to come up with a new plan.<p>

By the time he showed up at the theater, a light technician letting him in without fuss, he still had no idea what he was doing, and as he stood in the background waiting for an opportune time, watching her sing _Take Me or Leave Me _with her Joanne he felt someone sidle up next to him, only half-surprised to find Cooper there when he turned his head.

"She's really something," Cooper acknowledged after a moment, the director yelling at them to restart the song from the beginning and Blaine nodded in agreement as Rachel resumed her place for the top of the number. "She talks about you all the time, you know."

"We live together," Blaine said in lieu of an actual response, Cooper chuckling lightly from his side.

"It's not a_ 'my roommate is pissing me off_,' kind of 'talk about you a lot'," Cooper corrected. "It's an '_I'm head over heels for this guy so you might as well stop hitting on me_', 'talk about you a lot'."

Blaine couldn't even try and hide the smile on his face as he leaned forward to watch her perform, Cooper shaking his head and muttering about giving up before he walked away. Blaine had done the one thing he was sure he wasn't going to be able to, and won over a girl guys literally fought over, and the jittery feeling of nerves he had been feeling the entire way there seemed to dissipate as he waited for his chance.

It came after another few runs of the song, Rachel visibly relaxing as she ducked off stage, Blaine heading for the hallway he was sure she'd be heading to, grinning even wider when she called his name in surprise.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in a slightly nervous tone of voice as he walked up to her. He didn't stop when he reached a normal distance between them, instead just closed it and met her lips with his, kissing the squeak out of her until she was kissing back, and Blaine was sure, more than ever, that every time he'd had to undercut Sebastian or Cooper and even Jesse had been worth it as she wound her arms around him to pull him in deeper, a soft sigh falling from her mouth as she opened it to drag him in.

He could hear someone wolf-whistle from beyond them, and what sounded like Cooper say something about it being _about time_ from beyond, but as Rachel parted from him with a small laugh, he couldn't bring himself to care about anything but her.

"Dinner? Tonight? Just the two of us?" he asked, and she nodded, a wide smile on her face before she kissed him once more, quickly, as if testing to make sure she really could. She retracted from his grasp to head back to the theater for the rest of her rehearsals a moment later, Blaine already missing the feel of her as close as could be.

"It's a date," she promised, Blaine grinning in return as she disappeared. He knew that things had shifted for them, that they'd finally worked in his favor, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to have to continue to fight for her. It was something that he found himself willing to do, time and time again, as long as it meant having her by his side.


	24. Let Me Down

Rachel hadn't expected to find Blaine pacing the auditorium stage when she slipped inside the room, hoping to get a few moments of peace before the rest of her afternoon. She debated slipping back out, but he appeared tense, and she had to admit his outburst in the choir room the day before had her worried.

"Blaine," she called out softly, his pacing immediately halted as he connected his eyes with hers, though his face remained hardened, his gaze not softening like it so often did around her. "Are you okay?"

"No," he answered shortly, Rachel climbing onto the stage and venturing nearer, frowning slightly as she took him in. He looked stressed, upset, like he had the world on his shoulders and she didn't know why she'd missed it before.

"Cooper?" she asked quietly, and he nodded tersely, Rachel expecting to have to drag it forth from him before he started yelling.

"He just comes in and he's so damn _charming_ and everyone loves him! Kurt fawns over him, you seem to forget who you are when he comes near-"

"I do not," she retorted in defense, Blaine laughing sharply in response.

"'_Here's what we know_!'" he mocked in a high pitched voice, waving his finger around in her face, and she grimaced, knowing that he was ultimately right. "I mean, come on Rach-we both know you don't buy into his bullshit. You can't. You want Broadway, and New York, and I've seen you act. You're so much better than that. I expected you, of everyone else, to be on my side."

"I am!" she cried out, taking a step closer to him but he just shook his head, rolling his eyes in disgust, and she had to admit the pang of heartache she felt over it was more than necessary.

"No, you were on _his _side, infatuated with Cooper, just like everyone else. I never thought I'd see the day Rachel Berry took shit advice for her future to appease someone whose biggest claim to fame is some fucking _commercial_, but why should I be surprised!" he yelled, Rachel drawing into herself slightly because Blaine was upset, so upset and she had been part of that. She didn't blame him for yelling in the slightest, knew he had to get it out somewhere-Kurt would argue back, tell him he was being ridiculous, and while Rachel couldn't quite understand the full extent, she knew what it was like to feel like someone was outshining her. She knew what it was like to have someone steal your spotlight, even for a little bit, and how much it hurt as a performer. She figured that as a brother, it was probably that much worse.

"I'm sorry," she voiced quietly, but he just waved her off, back to his manic pacing. "Blaine, I really-"

"It's fine, Rachel," he snapped, and she pulled onto one of his hands to stop his moving so he'd look at her.

"It's not. You're right, I let myself be swept away by something that I normally don't. But don't think it's because I like Cooper more than you, Blaine."

"I don't care about-"

"You do. You want to be the better brother, the one people care about more. He's the one everyone focuses on, isn't he?" He nodded, still not looking at her even as she drew him even closer to her, her eyes watching as he tried to take a steadying breath, his adam apple bobbing slightly with a gulp of air. "Regardless if your brother is Cooper Anderson or your mother is Patti LuPone, you're the one I care about, Blaine."

"You'd still like me best if my mother was Patti LuPone?" Blaine teased lightly after a moment, Rachel laughing slightly and ducking her head as his hand squeezed hers.

"Well, maybe not then," she conceded, Blaine smiling at her for what looked like the first time since Cooper had shown up. "You're an incredibly talented person, Blaine."

"You would know," he grinned, Rachel flushing pink at his compliment.

"Don't let peoples fanatic ways over Cooper make you feel overshadowed, okay?" she asked quietly, pulling him in for a hug, standing on her toes to wrap her arms around his shoulders. His own fell around her waist, pulling her in tight, and he whispered a quiet 'thank you' that made her smile. "After all, I'm going to need a Tony one day on a Broadway stage, and I think I know of someone who fits the bill pretty well already," she grinned when they parted, Blaine letting out a laugh.

"Anything for you, Maria," he joked, kissing her cheek and wrapping his hand around hers, Rachel's heart soaring a little too much at the small actions, but as he pulled her away to the choir room, a smile back on his face, she knew she'd work around that, just like she always did.


	25. Someone Like You xposted

Blaine had never felt more sucker punched in his entire life, Rachel continuing on with her explanation as he stared blankly back at her. _Over_, the word playing over and over again in his head. The past two and a half years of his life, thrown away because she wanted to focus on herself, on her career, on everything he thought he could be a part of as they grew older.

"Rachel, please we can-we can fix this," he pleaded, his voice sounding weak and vulnerable to his own ears as she shook her head, retracting her hands as he reached for them over the table.

"There's nothing to fix, Blaine," she said simply, and her voice was so even and calm and devoid of any of the proper emotions he felt due that he thought perhaps being stabbed in the heart might be easier to deal with.

"Of course there is," he said, ignoring the shaking of her head. "Rach, just-tell me what I did wrong, tell me how to make this better. I can't lose you, Rachel, I love you." He could see the slight hitch in her breathing, the small glimmer of hope that maybe they could work through this, move on, place this behind them as they moved forward in their lives.

"I love you too," she said, her voice quiet as she stared at the table in between them. "But I'm sorry, Blaine, I'm just not in love with you anymore."

He could feel the sting of tears in his eyes as he stared at her in shock, words he never thought would come from her out in the open, surrounding them before she stood, smoothing down her skirt anxiously before she placed a small kiss on his cheek, whispering a quiet "I'm sorry," in his ear before racing out the door, leaving Blaine alone in the middle of the crowded restaurant to deal with the end of his world crashing around him.

* * *

><p>He did his best to move on, to move past Rachel and let go of the future he had been planning for them. He placed the ring he had been planning on proposing to her with in a drawer hidden away, out of sight out of mind, but it haunted his dreams.<p>

The first time he saw her after their demise, almost three months later as he crossed 42nd street on his way uptown, she was holding hands with the last person he'd ever expect-Jesse St. James.

He should have expected it, really. Jesse was becoming just as known in the Broadway world as she was, and their circles were growing closer and closer as she moved up from off-Broadway to a real stage, but he didn't expect her to leave him for her old boyfriend. He didn't expect for Rachel to leave him and their life together for probably the second most arrogant man Blaine had ever met, and the thought that Jesse would never appreciate her as much as Blaine did boiled under his skin.

It was another six months before he gave in and attended her show, sitting next to a girl he could have cared less about while the love of his life stood on stage belting her heart out. The love he had tried to lock away for so long came rushing out by the time they took bows, Rachel's face flushed with the pure elation she only got from performing.

If the same look was directed towards Jesse as she climbed into her car outside the stage door, well, Blaine was ignoring that.

* * *

><p>It took him another week before he mustered up the courage to return to her old apartment, hoping that she was still living there. He located the name next to her old buzzer, the word BERRY still written in her own loopy script, complete with gold star, as he rang the buzzer and waited patiently for her to let him up. He had no idea if she would, but he came bearing a single pink carnation-one of her favorites, he knew- and the hope that maybe she'd reconsider her stance on their relationship.<p>

She buzzed him in, though she didn't ask who it was, and he climbed the four flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator, knowing he needed just a small mental preparation before he knocked on her door.

It turned out he didn't have to, as she was waiting for him in her doorway, arms over her chest as she watched him appear. He felt the familiar jolt in his heart, the one that he felt anytime he saw her face-which was becoming increasingly often, the longer her musical went on and the more popular it became-a smile growing on his face as he neared her.

"Hi," was all he could think of to say, holding out the flower for her. "I know you're with Jesse, and all that, but-"

"I am," she stated, her voice clear and hardened, clearly her walls were up against him. He'd broken through them before, though, and he wasn't going to give up because of one obstacle.

"_But_," he continued, and she reached her hand out to take the flower, a small smile playing at her lips as something shiny distracted his train of thought, his eyes widening in surprise at the diamond ring she bore on her left hand. She seemed to notice where his eye line fell, twirling the silver band around her finger as she brought it back towards her, hanging her head and taking a deep breath.

"Last night," she said quietly, knowing what he couldn't voice. "We went to Sardi's after my performance, and he got down on one knee in front of the entire restaurant, and he proposed."

"That's not how you wanted to be proposed to," Blaine responded, because while she loved the attention, wanted all eyes on her more often than not, she was still a romantic who wanted her engagement to start with just her and the man she was to marry.

"It was lovely, really, his speech was very well prepared, and-"

"You're going to marry him after only 6 months?" Blaine accused, crossing his arms over his chest, ignoring that the ring he had waiting for her was more elegant, more _her _than the thing she currently wore.

"I've known him almost half my life, Blaine, and-"

"I was going to propose, you know," he said, and he didn't know why the words slipped out, but the look of shock on her face told him that she had no idea, that the element of surprise would have worked for him. "I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, Rachel. I still do."

"Blaine, I can't do this," she shook her head, as if that'd make him disappear. "I can't handle this right now, I'm trying to-"

"Remember in high school," Blaine interrupted, "When you were so convinced you loved Finn Hudson enough to marry him? What if that's all this is again? Who has to get into a car crash to get you to halt this wedding?"

"That's not fair, Blaine," she retorted, her hands clenching in fists at her waist as she glared up at him. "I was young then, I didn't know any better."

"And at 25 you think you do?" Blaine shot back, the anger and hurt he'd left to feel on his own for the past few months welling up inside him. "I would have given you _anything_, Rachel, anything! And you left me, alone, in a fucking _restaurant_ after you blindsided me!"

"What do you want me to tell you, Blaine?" she yelled back, her voice much louder than his own. The thought that they were in the middle of her hallway, where anyone could appear at any moment, didn't seem to pass through either of their minds as her eyes shot fire at him. "Do you want me to apologize because I couldn't handle being in a relationship with you anymore? Fine, I'm _sorry_," she declared, stomping her foot for emphasis in a way she only did when she was incredibly angry or upset. "But don't come here after half a year and expect to win me back suddenly. I've moved on, Blaine, and you should too!"

"I don't want to, Rachel!" he shouted, grabbing ahold of her left hand and glaring fiercly at the jewelry bestowed upon it. "This? This is supposed to be from _me_, not him, not anyone else. It wasn't supposed to happen at _Sardi's_, it was supposed to be you and I at the steps to Broadway at 2 in the morning while you drank tea and talked about how far we'd come, how your face was now gracing a billboard in one of the most famous places in the world. _That's _how it was supposed to happen."

"No, Blaine, it wasn't supposed to happen like that, or it would have. I'm with Jesse now, and you can't come change that!"

"Why not!" he screamed, unable to stop himself. "Does he love you the same way I do? Does he put you above anything and everything else in his life? I risked a lot for you, Rachel Berry, I risked _everything_. To him, you're just the safe choice, the obvious choice. You're not the right choice. I bet his heart doesn't start beating faster just at the mere mention of your name, or his stomach flip whenever he sees you perform. You're his co-star, his equal, _not _the love of his life!"

He could see the doubt forming behind her eyes, but before he could do anything about it he felt a pull of hands pulling him back, Jesse's rough voice that he'd heard enough, it was time for him to go, low and annoyed as he was pulled away from Rachel. He watched as she wiped a tear away from the corner of her eye before slamming the door to her apartment, Jesse not content to let Blaine free until he was outside once more. "Don't ever fucking come near her again, got it?" Jesse said, his eyes narrowed as Blaine stumbled onto the sidewalk below.

"You better fucking treat her right," Blaine shot back, ignoring any response the older boy might have had as he stormed off in the direction of the nearest subway, his nerves frayed and his heart broken even more than before.

* * *

><p>"Well, well, well," a familiar voice said as Blaine waited for his morning coffee, "if it isn't Blaine Anderson, back from the dead."<p>

He whirled around only to come face to face with Kurt Hummel, his first boyfriend and first love, the one he lost the second Rachel and him decided to take their own friendship to the next level. "Kurt," he replied with surprise, his eyebrows raised as he reached for the cup the barista was now handing him. "How've you been?"

"I've been better," Kurt responded nonchalantly, reaching for his own beverage. "Though, I'm sure better than you are. I hear Rachel and Jesse got married last weekend," Kurt said, his eyes narrowed as if he was waiting for Blaine's specific reaction to the news.

"Oh," was all he could muster before placing a fake smile on. "I knew it was coming, I didn't know it had already passed. I'm happy for them," he lied, blatantly, but Kurt seemed to take the bait as he nodded in response.

"They look really happy together," Kurt agreed, leading Blaine towards a small table out of the way of the rush. "I know this is a long shot, but if you're not busy, would you like to catch up?" Blaine hesitated, knowing that this was probably a bad idea-the similarities between Kurt and Rachel screaming out at him, screaming that starting something with this particular ex could only lead to trouble, that he'd be settling for Kurt because he couldn't have Rachel, but Kurt looked so excited at the possibility that Blaine found himself nodding and sliding onto a chair across from the other, making sure his smile seemed as sincere as possible.


	26. Quid Pro Quo

**a/n: **blainchelcest with blam and faberry written for a friend :3

* * *

><p>It all started the day the Fabray twins moved into town.<p>

Really, it probably started a year or so before that, the day he and Rachel sat in their basement watching some movie while she complained about how lackluster Finn was in the kissing department, Blaine trying to focus on the movie and less on his sisters hand as it kept landing on his thigh. "I just thought it'd be something _more, _you know?" she asked him, looking up at him with those wide brown eyes he never found himself saying 'no' to.

He wanted to tell her he did know, but the truth was he hadn't really had the 'more' either. His experience was limited to some jackass from Dalton who left him within weeks, their relationship losing all the fun for him as soon as Blaine started latching on, despite both their desire to keep the fling a secret. The kisses-and more-he had shared with Sebastian were nothing to keep coming back for, and from Rachel's complaints it seemed she had the same deal with Finn.

Not that he was shocked, because Finn was kind of an idiot and probably didn't know _how _to put up with his high maintenance sister, much less kiss her the way she wanted. How that equated to Blaine finally giving in with a sigh and kissing her himself, he didn't know, but he couldn't find a complaint as she scrambled into his lap, their lips becoming chapped and red as they spent an entire afternoon leaving their classic movie behind and becoming lost in each other.

It became a regular thing, and the secrets Blaine was keeping kept adding up. Incest, he knew, was far more frowned upon than the whole 'gay' thing, but even that was confusing when he added into the fact that he was regularly spread underneath his very girlish sister, coming undone under her hands and mouth and body on a regular basis. It was easier to keep everything hushed, to have friends and not search for anything more, to quell any jealousy he may have ever felt towards Rachel's ridiculous relationship with Finn Hudson. He had never been so relieved as the day she finally told him goodbye, for the last time, sending him packing and leaving her with no one to focus on but Blaine for the entirety of their summer vacation.

Not that Blaine minded.

But the second their junior year started, there was a new set of siblings that seemed destined to take over the school. Not that he and Rachel ever really had, Rachel running her show choir and drama club while Blaine just migrated between groups of people, spending most of his time with either his sister or Mike Chang, but the Fabray twins were nothing like that. Quinn, the girl, somehow jumped ahead of Santana Lopez and made Cheerio captain by the end of the first week, Sam, the boy, winning the role of quarterback over Finn at the same time.

Blaine could tell Rachel had set her sights on the blonde, narrowing in on him and asking him to join the New Directions under the guise of needing new members when she saw him playing guitar over lunch one day. He had smiled at her, easily and friendly enough, Blaine's stomach swooping slightly at the sight, and he didn't know who he felt more jealous of-Rachel for Sam's attention, or Sam for Rachel's.

It turned out that it didn't matter, not really, as the two were dating and nearly inseparable within another two weeks. Sam was constantly around their house, Blaine catching his sister's bossy demands before hearing Sam's chuckles in response while they practiced for glee, tortured by sounds he had heard fall from Rachel's mouth under his own power too many times to count, by new ones that had a distinctive male sound to them and he didn't know which made his hand wrap around his own dick faster, leaning against the doorway of the bathroom he shared with Rachel and eavesdropping on his sisters mid-afternoon sessions with Sam.

She caught on quick enough, once the novelty of sleeping with someone new seemed to have worn off and she started crawling into Blaine's bed again, and it didn't take long before she started telling him all the various ways Sam felt against her skin, inside her mouth, in the palm of her hand. How his mouth, almost obscenely large in size was perfect for traveling across her body, and wouldn't Blaine like it to travel across his own?

He wanted it, bad, but he wouldn't admit it aloud and instead decided to take a route of action he was entirely unsure about, approaching Quinn and asking her out on a date the following evening to which she readily replied.

It was easy and simple dating Quinn, she simply wanted a rise to the top of the social ladder and with Blaine's many connections throughout the school, he could provide that to her. He was talented and charming and classically handsome, and their time alone was rarely spent doing much besides schoolwork. The truth was, he wasn't really attracted to Quinn, not like he was Sam or even Rachel, and he was rapidly coming to the conclusion that she wasn't all that attracted towards him, if her lingering gazes in his sisters directions gave any indication.

It was almost bemusing to him, that he'd be dating the girl who was in love with his sister while his sister dated the boy he was in love with, if it wasn't sheer torture for them to all pretend that it wasn't exactly like that. But as his sisters eyes traveled over towards Quinn more and more often, Blaine started to wonder just what it was they were all doing. He supposed it could be repressed jealousy of the blonde, though when Rachel had confronted him, Blaine had told her straight up that their relationship was a bigger sham than hers had been with Finn.

Still, no one seemed to make a move until he opened the door one day to find Sam standing on his doorstep, confusion coloring Blaine's features as he informed him that Rachel was out for the afternoon.

"I'm not here for Rachel," Sam said simply, looking almost too sure of himself but Blaine had no time to question him further before Sam crashed his lips onto Blaine's own, a sound of surprise hushed by the pink tongue chasing into his mouth a moment later.

Blaine had heard all about Sam's style and technique from Rachel, who often complained that he treated her too nicely, too daintily, as if she might break. "He's a gentleman, Blaine, and that's not what I want," she'd told him too many a time before making Blaine do the exact opposite of everything she was getting from Sam.

But Sam was nothing like that with Blaine, pushing him against the wall near them so hard a picture frame crashed off of it, Blaine glancing at it momentarily before the blondes lips suctioned themselves to the tender spot underneath his earlobe, causing Blaine's hips to jut forward and into Sam's. He heard a whisper of 'fuck', but it didn't seem to come from Sam any more than it had Blaine, and with regret he looked towards the front door to see Rachel standing there with wide eyes.

"I can-" Sam started, but Rachel just shook her head 'no' before slamming the front door on her way out, Blaine pulling his shirt back down from where it had ridden up and Sam muttering about what an idiot he had been.

"She's not upset with you," Blaine told him warily, because he couldn't be _sure _about anything at the moment, except on his suspicions on where Rachel was disappearing to right about now.

"How could she not be? She just walked in on me making out with her brother!" Sam cried out, sounding far more distressed than Blaine thought was ultimately necessary, and Blaine just chewed on his lip while Sam panicked, yelling about what a dick he was and how he had fucked everything over for everyone.

It would have been an opportune time to mention that Rachel wasn't exactly innocent from cheating herself, though Blaine didn't know how well Sam would take it to hear that she'd been cheating on him with her brother of all people, and instead decided that actions spoke infinitely louder than words as he pulled Sam back into himself, Sam only hesitating briefly before they resumed their frenzied rush of hands and mouths moving across one another.

When Rachel came in that night and apologized for freaking out at him, a new hickey on her hip that hadn't come from either Blaine or Sam, Blaine could only smirk in response with a raised eyebrow. "Quinn?" he questioned, a flush crawling over her cheeks as she nodded.

"It seemed fair," she responded evenly, Blaine laughing lightly as his fingers trailed over the mark.

"You always did believe in an eye for an eye," Blaine replied, Rachel hitting him playfully before snuggling deeper under the covers on his bed. "I don't think I can stay away from Sam," he told her truthfully after a moment, Rachel popping open an eye and staring at him intensely.

"I don't think I can stay away from Quinn," she finally answered, Blaine nodding in response.

"I suppose this isn't the worst thing we've agreed upon," he said, Rachel letting out a soft laugh of her own as her hands wound around his waist, pulling him closer to herself.

"No, Blaine, I think stealing each other's dating partner is hardly the worst thing we've done together," she agreed, placing a tender kiss on the center of his chest. "I just don't want to know about it, okay?"

"I know how you feel about sharing," Blaine reminded her, words muttered against the top of her head as she settled in for a long nights sleep, his breathing seemingly steadier for a few quiet moments.

Sometimes, he figured, you were given the chance to have your cake and eat it too. And he was never one to back down from a golden opportunity.


	27. Somebody Else's Song xposted

He had spent the past month holding onto her while she cried, while she mourned the loss of a relationship that had done nothing but destroy her from the inside out, that had left her empty and hopeless and always grasping for more. He had listened as she complained about all the things that had gone wrong, when they turned left instead of going right, how this little thing on top of that little thing resulted in their demise.

Blaine did this because he was her friend, because she had come to rely on him just as much as he had come to rely on her. Because when it had come time for his breakup from Kurt, she had been the one to crawl into his bed with a series of movies to distract him from his own heartbreak, a bowl of popcorn placed in his lap as she rested her head on his shoulder.

It certainly wasn't because he was still harboring any sort of feelings for her, because he had learned to repress those long ago. The longing looks he shared with her, the spark of her skin against his own any time they even so much as brushed against each other-he knew how to lock those up, bottle them away and pretend they didn't exist. He'd gotten good at it, over the past year, especially when their touches had to become slightly more intimate on stage, when he had to play the love of her life, when he had to listen to her talk about soulmates.

When he had to realize she was talking about Finn, not him.

But that had been before she latched herself even more onto his side, before she started smiling once more at lunch when Blaine told a horrible joke, before she even managed to perform a song in front of the glee club that wasn't about lost love, or longing for someone she couldn't have anymore. She was moving on, finally, and Blaine was tired of keeping the demon at bay.

He was going to tell her all the things he kept so quietly to himself.

He heard her laugh as he started down the hall, hands wringing anxiously as he pushed through the crowd, a smile growing on his face-it had been so long since she'd sounded that happy, that carefree, and it was his goal to make her feel like that all the time if he got his chance. It pushed him forward, the sight of her dark hair against her yellow cardigan through the crowd, and he was about to call out her name, have her turn around and wait for him to catch up to her, when a group of freshman moved from his line of vision, exposing the hand on her lower back.

Finn's hand, to be exact.

It felt like the wind had been knocked out of him, like he couldn't remember how to breathe anymore as he watched them turn a corner, her smile bigger than he'd seen in weeks as she gazed up at him, Finn's free hand waving around as he told her some story.

His heart broke, so much worse than it had been before because now he had no one to talk to, no one to work through this with, unable to hide his feelings away anymore.

"Why," he whispered, stuck in the middle of the hallway as the bell rang, signaling that he was late to class, but he couldn't find it in himself to see anything but the look of adoration on Rachel's face in his mind, the look he wanted in his direction that was focused, once more, on Finn.

* * *

><p>He didn't intentionally avoid her, though he suspected she was intentionally avoiding him. He sat in the back row as Finn and Rachel's hands intertwined in the front of the glee club meeting, Kurt rolling his eyes at the pair as he passed them to sit next to Mercedes, Santana making a snarky comment about how Rachel really should try sleeping with someone else, how if she was that hard up to go back to <em>Finn <em>she'd gladly offer her services. Blaine snorted at that one, quietly, but it was enough for Rachel's offended glare in his direction.

She cornered him after glee, stomping down the hall in a way that Blaine had learned he didn't want to be at the receiving end of awhile ago, her arms folding over her chest as she came to a stop in front of his locker. "Yes?" he asked, trying for nonchalance, though he could hear the slight bitterness in his tone.

"Why didn't you stick up for me?" she demanded, her voice slightly wobbly, the instinct to fix it popping up before he remembered what she had done, once again, to him.

"Why didn't your boyfriend?" he countered instead, and this time the ice in his tone landed on her as she flinched slightly, taking a step away from him.

"Finn-"

"Doesn't ever stick up for you, right, I've learned that. You, apparently, have not," Blaine shrugged. "But when it blows up, again, maybe I won't be around to fix you until he comes to his senses and realizes you're the best thing he could ever hope to happen to him."

She looked as if she was conflicted between being upset and complimented, Blaine repressing an eye roll as he grabbed his backpack, throwing it over his shoulder. "There are tons of better options for you Rachel, and you could have had any of them-"

"Like who?" she yelled, suddenly finding it in herself to argue back, to stand up for her decision.

He didn't know why he did it, why he snapped and moved towards her on instinct, but her eyes opened wide in response as he breathed out a quiet "Like me," her face telling him all he needed to know before he walked away, because she wouldn't leave Finn.

Finn was her safety, her crutch, and for someone that was supposed to be a strong and independent girl, she became surprisingly weak when it came to love.

* * *

><p>She came to him, his mother alerting him to her presence as he tried to trudge through a massive stack of physics notes. He welcomed the escape, though he was guarded as she entered his room hesitantly, looking far less comfortable than she usually did.<p>

"I think we need to talk," she said quietly, closing the door gently behind her-his parents never minded when it was her there, he had a sneaking suspicion they almost hoped she'd fall into bed with him, a suspicion he didn't want to admit he seconded.

"Okay," he replied dryly, placing his notebook next to him as he crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for her to continue. He'd said what he needed to, and he was trying to do his best to ignore the dull ache that had threatened to win out all evening.

"About, what you said," she continued, stalling for a bit as she wrung her fingers through her hands, her eyes focused on his bedspread and not actually on him. "About what it meant, more specifically."

"It meant exactly what you think it did, Rachel," he replied, biting his tongue from spilling out anything more.

"No, don't you take the easy way out," she accused, shaking her head as she neared closer. "Say it. If you meant it, say it."

"Fine," he glared back, his stomach tightening with nerves. "I have feelings for you, Rachel. And before you go and ask me why I didn't tell you, I was planning on it. But then what-Finn snapped his fingers and you walked right back into his arms?"

"That's not fair!" she cried, and he just shook his head with a laugh.

"No, Rachel, it isn't fair to _me_. I spend all this time listening to you mourn the jackass who, quite frankly, doesn't deserve you," he started, feeling himself getting more and more worked up as he stood off his bed, moving in her direction once more. "And I finally think you're moving on from him, for real this time, and then when I go to tell you how I feel about you, you're back on his arm! It's not fair to _me_!"

"I didn't know you felt anything for me, Blaine!" she snapped back. "I seem to remember a certain declaration that you were _100% gay_, and I didn't think anything about that had changed!"

"You didn't think that maybe I said that because you attacked me in front of Kurt?" he challenged, "because Kurt was knocking down the very possibility that I could be anything other than that? If you had come up to me literally anywhere else Rachel, I could have told you the truth!"

"Why didn't you tell me the truth afterwards then? It's not like we haven't spent enough time together for the words to come from you," she argued, and while he knew she had a point-he could have told her countless times, that he was still confused about his feelings towards girls, towards her more specifically.

"Because I was confused, Rachel! I still am!" The stared at each other, both glowering and neither looking ready to back down when she suddenly burst into tears, Blaine lost for a moment before he gave in and caved, pulling her close to him. "Please, please don't cry," he whispered frantically, never sure what to do with her when she started.

"I just-" she hiccupped, trying to calm herself down, "I can't have you, Blaine, don't you see what a strain it's put on me and Kurt for me to even be friends with you?" He sighed heavily, wanting to say _screw Kurt, we don't need him_-but she did, she needed Kurt for some reason he couldn't understand. "I just don't want this to mess everything up, Blaine, please."

He managed to calm her down, his mind already shutting off on itself and organizing his feelings for her back to friendship, already working on locking everything up. When she left, nearly an hour later with her eyes dry and a soft smile on her face, he knew it was going to be so much more difficult this time around.

* * *

><p>He could feel their friendship falling apart, and he felt like his heart was breaking all over again. She let herself get wound up in Finn again, their relationship fresh and exciting and new once more as Blaine was kicked aside, pushed away simply because he had fallen for the wrong person.<p>

Brittany asked him about it one day during glee, questioning why he wasn't with Rachel anymore, the words "Did you two break up?" hurting more than they should have.

"We never dated, Brittany," was the only thing he could really use as a reply, ignoring Santana's snort on the other side of the blonde as he turned his attention to where Schuester was going over final announcements before they were released for the day. They hadn't, but it felt like they had. It hadn't even been this bad when he and Kurt had parted, but he couldn't figure out a way to save them.

When he saw her at the Lima Bean one day after school, he almost flew out the door, retreated to his car and fled the scene before he realized what he was doing. He shouldn't have been hiding from Rachel, and while she was wary as he sat down at her table, she didn't kick him away either.

"You haven't spoken to me in days," he said simply, slightly shocked at his own brazenness.

"I can't do this, Blaine," she breathed, her voice barely above a whisper as she looked hard at the table between them. "I can't, not when I'm with Finn and you've made your feelings clear to me, I just can't afford to be in this type of situation again."

"And what kind of situation is that?" he asked, his tone harsh as he drew up in himself, his eyes hardened in her direction.

"I'm with Finn, Blaine," she used as a response, but it wasn't good enough for Blaine, and he felt his tempter border close to the edge again.

"You keep saying that like it _means _something, Rachel. Do you love him? Do you honestly want to be with him forever, or are you staying with him because he doesn't push you for more? Because he's safe and simple and it's what you're used to? What happened to the Rachel who couldn't wait for New York, for adventure and who took chances?" She kept her eyes on the table as he ranted, unable to stop the words from falling from his mouth. "You know what, maybe we can't be friends, because this Rachel isn't the one I want to be around anyways," he snapped, standing up abruptly before walking out of the coffee shop, not realizing until he was in his car once more and attempting to consolidate what had just happened in his mind that he left his cup behind.

Her simple text of _I'm sorry_ later that night wasn't good enough for him. Nothing was ever going to be good enough for him anymore.

* * *

><p>The worst part of everything was that she was becoming increasingly obvious with her own infatuation with him. She'd always had a pretty good poker face, much better than his own-when they performed together, he'd be lulled into this fog that seemed to direct his attention to nothing but her while she focused on the audience, on playing her part well. Even when they were just hanging out, he always worried about how weak his façade was at pretending he liked her as nothing more than a friend, and while he knew she felt something towards him, she was a superb actress who hid anything she might have felt excellently. He would have figured his feelings were completely unrequited if he wasn't observing her carefully enough.<p>

But now that she was with Finn again, the two happily running around the school, singing duets and generally making the population of McKinley hate them with a burning passion, he couldn't understand why she was suddenly the one staring in his direction, the one who seemed weak.

"You need to stop," he growled one afternoon as he passed by her locker, Rachel's tiny squeak in surprise not pausing him as he pushed forward, trying to ignore as her hand shot out to grab at him.

"Blaine!" she hissed, and he finally turned to stare at her, at how her expression softened slightly, her eyes worried as she looked around. "I just-I miss you," she shrugged, and he let out a scoff.

"You're the one who said we couldn't be friends, Rachel. You're the one who did this to us," he pointed out, and she merely hung her head, chewing on her lip once more as if in shame. "I'm not playing games, Rachel, I'm tired of it. So either figure out what you feel, once and for all, or leave me alone."

"What if I can't?" she asked quietly, her face tilting to look him in the eye, his stomach dropping at the sudden motion as he silently acknowledged that this was more than he had gotten from her in nearly two weeks. "What if I can't just leave you behind?"

"Do you have feelings for me?" he asked her, point blank, and she opened her mouth to answer when Mercedes joined them at her own locker next to Rachel's, interrupting their conversation with her own ramblings about something Blaine didn't care about. He simply mouthed 'thought so,' in Rachel's direction before walking away, leaving her behind like she had done to him so many times before.

* * *

><p>Still, the thought nagged at him as he tossed and turned at night. Rachel stayed silent, but her eyes didn't, and when she sang some Kate Voegele song in Glee club the next week, he had the sneaking suspicion her eyes were focused on him far more than they were on her actual boyfriend. No one else seemed to notice, however, and Blaine continued to leave the choir room on his own that day, Mike heading out with Tina and Kurt still not speaking to him since their breakup.<p>

He spent a lot of his time like that, alone and wandering through the halls of McKinley, wondering why he had even transferred in the first place. He knew he couldn't go back to Dalton, wouldn't have even if his parents allowed it-after the slushieing incident, he wanted as far from the Warblers as he could make himself. Mike and Puck had warmed up to him, though Finn seemed to be against him once more since the breakup with Kurt, not that Blaine had expected much else. Rachel had been the only one to stick to his side from that group, and now she seemed just as far away as the rest.

"Prom's coming up," Santana sang as she walked by Blaine one afternoon, her voice taunting even as she spun around to stand near his locker, looking up at him expectantly.

"Didn't think you'd need a date, Lopez. Aren't you going with Brittany?" He asked, simply to get her to shut up and go away.

"Well, now that you and Hummel broke up, don't you think you should ask _someone_?" she asked, her eyes trailing off his and moving down the hall, Blaine reluctantly following their path. His stomach dropped slightly when he noticed who she was insinuating, Rachel under the arm of Finn once more as they stood at Finn's locker.

"Hudson's not really my type," he played off, "he's a little too tall for me, you know."

"Cut the shit, Blaine," Santana snapped, and he was slightly taken off-guard by the use of his actual name, Santana sensing this as she moved in. "We all see the way you and her stare at each other. It's nauseating and quite frankly, I'm tired of watching the giant try and eat her face off every day when she's off staring wistfully in your direction."

"So you're trying to get me killed then," Blaine stated, nodding his head in affirmation. "Because that's all that would happen if I even suggested I take her as a friend instead of Finn."

"Hudson's going to lose her in New York anyways," Santana said with a wave of her hand. "Might as well be the one to get her and make all your pining worthwhile. It's incredibly painful to have to watch. I've never felt such second-hand embarrassment."

"Thanks," Blaine retorted, ignoring Santana's blatant heavy sigh of annoyance as Brittany joined them, linking arms with the other girl.

"Did you get him to ask out Rachel yet?" she asked, and Blaine turned to stare at the two girls in shock, knowing that if Brittany knew it was only a matter of time before _everyone _knew, and Blaine just didn't feel like having Finn come from nowhere and try and kick his ass by the end of the afternoon.

"You told _her_?" Blaine accused, Santana shrugging.

"She figured it out for herself. Like I said, you couldn't be more obvious if you tried, Anderson. Now go, before someone like St. James comes from nowhere and manages to do what you can't." Blaine had half a mind to open his mouth and fight against her once more, but Brittany pulled her along as she started talking about an aardvark she'd seen in her yard that morning, Blaine trying to wrap his mind around the conversation they'd just shared.

His eyes wandered back over to Rachel, meeting her gaze momentarily, and he wondered if it was even worth it to keep holding this grudge against each other if they were going to make it that obvious about their affections regardless.

* * *

><p>Santana was right, at least about Prom season rapidly approaching. Blaine half expected Kurt to come and see if he might want to go again, and Blaine would have been tempted to say 'yes' just for the excuse to go, but he was instead going in a group with most of New Directions who were simply relieved not to provide entertainment for the night. Blaine agreed to coming with them, unsure as to how the entire group was necessarily going to manage getting through an entire night without fighting and bickering, and by the time the night came he met everyone at Mercedes house in his nicest suit.<p>

He put on his best smile, laughed and hugged all the girls while telling them they looked gorgeous, Rachel's eyes not leaving his own when she reached him and asked for a picture of just them two. "For prosperity," she whispered, and he merely smirked at her before sliding an arm easily around her waist, Carole clicking away and cooing about how far their little Tony and Maria had come.

"I want to talk to you," he whispered before she could pull away, and she merely nodded slightly before Finn swept her off once more, but Blaine felt reassured enough that she had come to him first, that maybe it wasn't completely hopeless after all.

It took nearly two hours before he could grab ahold of her, catching her as she tried to exit the dance floor in her red dress, his hands falling to her waist and dragging her back as a slow song started up. "Blaine-"

"Just one dance," he said quietly, and she nodded, allowing it as her hands settled on his shoulders, swaying slightly to the beat.

"I still miss you, you know," she said quietly after a moment, and Blaine just let out a low sigh at the words, because he missed her too-missed her so much it nearly tore him apart inside.

"You know how to fix that," he replied, his voice just as low in return.

"I can't," she shook her head, refusing to meet his eye.

"Because you love Finn," he said in a weary tone, "because it'll hurt Kurt, because you're leaving for Manhattan, because I still have another year here, yes, I know." She frowned at his words, looking as if she was blinking back tears even as he continued. "Why don't you get that I don't _care _about all that, Rachel? All I care about is you, and me, and how we both want to be together?"

"Because," she said quietly, her voice a little less steady than she probably wanted it to be. "I can't push all that aside Blaine, not even for you." He didn't say anything in return, kept his mouth quiet even as he felt another piece of his heart break inside, and when the song ended she merely kissed him on the cheek before running off to Finn's side, leaving Blaine alone on the dance floor once more.

* * *

><p>He didn't stay too much longer, disappearing through the double doors that lead into the hallway beyond the gymnasium as quietly as possible, hoping that some fresh air and quiet would calm him down. He hadn't expected much else from her, not after this long, but being rejected like that still stung, even more so when he <em>knew <em>if she put aside those things she'd give him a chance. A chance he knew he deserved, one he was sure would work well for both of them. He could picture her giant smile when he surprised her with something cheesy like her favorite take out and a collection of Barbra movies when she didn't feel up for leaving the house, or lying in bed beside her just talking for hours. He could imagine what it'd be like to be _hers_, really be hers, and it was something he had wanted for far too long now.

The ideological thing was for him to move on, to put it in the past, to stop imagining a life where Rachel Berry would actually be with him, but he had a feeling that it wouldn't happen anytime in the near future. As he slid down against a row of lockers, eerily reminiscent of a previous prom in the building, he knew he wasn't going to be able to snap his fingers and get over her.

He was sure he was going insane when he heard her call his name, only to turn around and see her standing at the end of the hallway, looking nervous in a way he wasn't used to. "Rachel?"

"I just-" she cut herself off, Blaine waiting just like always for her to spit out whatever she had to say, positive his hope should have disappeared but couldn't fight the surge that ran through him as she walked closer to him. "Kurt's my best friend," she said quietly. "And we've had our differences, but I don't want to hurt him intentionally. Being with you-it would do that. Even if you two are broken up by now, he'd take it as me winning again, and that's not what it is."

"It's not like I'm some sort of game prize," Blaine replied, and she shook her head, a soft 'No! No, I know that,' being uttered as she finally stopped about a foot in front of him, wringing her hands nervously. "Rachel," he prompted again, and this seemed to snap her out of her mini reverie, a small nod before she looked at him again.

"Finn'll be really, really mad if I leave him," she continued. "He's planning his future around me, but I know that's not good for either of us-New York isn't right for him, and he won't be happy there." Blaine nodded, not sure where she was going with all this. "So, when I tell him that I can't be with him anymore, if he sees me run straight to you-"

"He'll think you left him for me," Blaine finished, and she nodded.

" Which I'm not doing," she said, making her voice strong and clear, staring him down even as he nodded in response, a small smile forming on his face.

"But, if you're single, and someone happens to ask you out," he said, and a small blush crawled over her cheeks as she looked down at the ground between them.

"If, in a couple weeks, someone sweet, and caring, and who'd been patiently waiting for me to come to my senses asked me out-I'd say yes," she answered, Blaine's own smile unable to stay off his face as he beamed at her, Rachel beaming back.

"I think I can wait another 14 days," Blaine winked, and she giggled, the natural ease between them falling back into place, all hostility disappearing as she leaned forward, kissing him on the cheek quickly before pulling back once more.

"It's a date," she promised quietly, Blaine continuing to flash her his easiest smile as she headed back down the hallway, waving at him silently before turning to head into the gymnasium, Blaine turning to head outside and wait, patiently, hopefully, for an ending he hadn't been sure he'd get.


	28. Taken

He didn't know what to do. He'd basically cut Sebastian out of his life after Regionals, because he could see the strain it put on Kurt to be friends with him. He had cut the rest of the Warblers out after the slushie incident, and most of New Directions swarmed to Kurt's aid anytime anything negative happened at all, regardless of who was actually in the wrong.

"Blaine's boyfriend," he muttered, rubbing his face in his hands as he stared at his ceiling. It was the most preposterous statement he'd ever heard. Had Blaine asked Kurt to transfer back to Dalton to be together, Kurt would have said 'no' and the conversation dropped forever. Blaine, stupidly, _stupidly _had done the opposite for Kurt-because Kurt had asked, because he loved him, because Kurt was supposed to be the love of his life.

Kurt wasn't supposed to spend his entire day texting some _Chandler _guy that he met at Between The Sheets. Not when he was ignoring Blaine, instead choosing to laugh with Sam about something _stupid_ that he could have just as easily told Blaine, that he should have told Blaine. Even if Blaine was being distant, Kurt could have picked up the slack, put forth the effort, not abandoned him when there was clearly so much more going on, with no one else to talk to.

That was the problem, Blaine figured. He'd spent the past year wrapping his life around Kurt so much that he hadn't bothered to really find any other friends. He had Mike, to an extent, and Santana and Brittany would take his side against someone outside of New Directions, but when it came down to it, there wasn't anyone he was 100% sure would agree with him on his current situation, anyone who would, without a doubt, take on Kurt for him.

It was almost like she had heard his desperate pleas for _someone _to come to him, when his mother told him he had a visitor, Rachel's wide eyes peering from behind her. "Hi," she said quietly, Blaine sitting up quickly and glancing around his messy room before his mom disappeared back down the stairs, Rachel stepping inside. "Kurt texted me and told me about your fight," she explained, "and with Finn distracting him, I thought you might need someone to talk to."

"But, Kurt's your best friend," Blaine said hesitantly, regardless of how grateful he was that she had even thought about him at all.

"So are you," she told him earnestly, climbing onto his bed and dragging him into a hug, her embrace warm and welcome. He didn't know why he hadn't felt like he could confide in Rachel, Rachel who had proven herself to be a great friend to him time and time again. "Besides, Kurt's not exactly innocent at the moment, and he's not the one I'm worried about," she assured him when they parted, taking his hand with her own and lacing their fingers together.

"You heard about-" he looked down at their hands, Rachel squeezing them tighter as if to give him the strength he needed to continue, "Chandler?" Blaine choked out. Rachel responded with a small nod and a sad expression, one that nearly broke his heart from the sight alone. He struggled to figure out what he actually wanted to say, now that there was someone here in front of him actually willing to listen, and by the time the words came to him they sounded broken and cracked, Rachel's eyes full of sympathy as she listened. "He says it's the same thing that I did with Sebastian, but-Sebastian and I were never anything other than friends. I made sure that was clear, every step of the way. But maybe it is the same, and I'm just-am I overreacting?"

Rachel hesitated for a moment, her eyes straying anywhere but at him, and it made him feel even worse, that she couldn't immediately tell him 'no'. "I don't think so," she finally settled on, Blaine letting out some sort of helpless noise before she could continue. "I mean, I wouldn't like it if Finn was doing this kind of thing with some girl he had just met, either. And I told Kurt that if he wasn't willing to show you the messages, that it wasn't as innocent as he was trying to portray but-you love him, don't you?"

"Of course," Blaine replied automatically, because he did, he loved Kurt enough to change his life for him. "I know things have been strained lately, and that it's partially my fault. But all he talks about is New York, and leaving and that requires leaving me and-"

"He's not going to leave you, Blaine," Rachel rushed, her eyes wide and Blaine hated that he was upsetting her with his own pain. "None of us are, not emotionally at least."

"Well if it's the emotions attached that count, then Kurt should realize what he's doing with this Chandler dick is just as painful as if it was physical!" Blaine cried out, Rachel moving even closer to him and taking his face in her hands as she shushed him, nodding in agreement.

"I know," she said quietly, making sure his eyes were locked on hers. "I know, but Blaine-you two can work through this, if you want to."

"What if I don't?" Blaine asked her, voice just as low as her own. "What if I can't look past this? Even if we fix it now, how long is it before this happens again? First Sebastian, now Chandler-whose next? Who else can come between us?"

"No one can come between you if you don't let them," she urged, Blaine resting his forehead on her shoulder, breathing in the simple smell of her shampoo and her soap, trying to let her words worm their way into his head but they didn't seem to want to stick. "It's up to you, Blaine, and Kurt-both of you, to fix this. The only way anyone else can ruin the relationship is if you let it," she continued, and while he was trying to listen to her, because her advice seemed sound, despite the troubles she had in her own love life, he couldn't entirely focus on the words. She was crawling into his lap at the same moment, and words that Kurt had said in the heat of the moment flashed across his mind.

_Even Rachel wanted to make out with you. _

The 'wanted' part of it should have told him all he needed to know, that he shouldn't bother trying to destroy her relationship with Finn as well as his own, but suddenly it was all he could think about. He'd enjoyed kissing Rachel during their brief fling, and while any kissing involved for _West Side Story _was purely platonic and for the musical and nothing more, it hadn't been the worst thing Blaine had endured. If he was completely honest with himself, it had been good, kissing Rachel.

"I know it should be on him to fix this, since he's the problem," she said, startling him out of his thoughts as he pulled away from the crook of her neck to look at her, his hands resting on her thighs as she sat on him, her arms wound around his neck, "but it's Kurt and-I love him, I do. He's my best friend, but he doesn't know how to apologize. He doesn't really understand when he's wrong."

"He should," Blaine said emphatically, fingers digging into the skin underneath of him, Rachel freezing slightly under the action. "I shouldn't always take the blame, and neither should you! When you two fight, does he ever apologize to you?"

"No," she admitted quietly, looking away from him as she did so. "But he's, I mean-"

"Do you honestly believe you're always in the wrong when it comes to Kurt?" Blaine asked quietly, unsure of what it was he was trying to do, or why he was doing it. There was just a part of him that screamed revenge, an eye for an eye-a concept he knew Rachel would appreciate better than anyone else. And it was wrong, so wrong, for him to come between not only her and Finn but her and Kurt as well, but the idea had sprung and he couldn't seem to push it away, not anymore.

"No," she repeated, still not looking at Blaine.

"Then why are you always so quick to defend him?" he questioned, moving his fingertips slowly up her thighs. He wasn't even sure what he was doing, if he should be, and all the warnings in his head told him to pull back now, that he could play it off as an innocent mistake if she asked, but he didn't _want _to. Influx of emotions aside, the way her breathing picked up almost subtly seemed to make his own do the same, her mouth falling open slightly as she shook her head. "He wouldn't dare defend you, rarely does," he pointed out, Rachel gulping as she watched his fingers.

"What are you doing?" she finally said, turning to direct her gaze at him, and he was sure that Kurt or no Kurt, he wouldn't want to say 'no' now, not when her eyes were slightly glossy and he'd barely even touched her.

"What do you want me to do?" he retorted, fingers slipping under the hem of her skirt, officially too high to be deemed appropriate from anyone who might notice. Still, she didn't push him away or yell at him or spout out one of the many reasons that he could think of as to why he shouldn't be doing this, why he shouldn't be pushing for something he had never even admitted he wanted in the first place.

"Kurt," she whispered, and at any other point in time he might have found it ironic that Finn wasn't her first thought, but her nails were pressed in the base of his neck, whether from nerves or guilt or arousal, he wasn't sure.

"Kurt cheated on me first, Rachel," he reminded her, keeping his words low and she seemed to take what she needed from that, nodding and sliding further into his lap, his hands gripping tight onto her thighs to pull her tighter against him.

"But he didn't cheat like this, Blaine," she argued, even if she was only half an inch away from him now. "He didn't-"

"Do you want to?" he interrupted, effectively shutting her up as she gave pause.

"It's not like we haven't before," she finally said with a small smile, his own only half as wide before he closed any remaining gap between them, the comfort he was so desperately seeking being found in her lips pressed against his. Kurt was the furthest thing from his mind as her mouth opened for him, her tongue finding solace in his mouth and he couldn't help but enjoy the way her lip gloss tasted like strawberries, her lips slick in a way that Kurt's never were.

Her hand wove its way into his hair, gel-free after his shower, and she pulled him even closer into her, their heads tilting just so to get the right angle to practically inhale the other. She nipped at his bottom lip, a small growl erupting from the back of his throat that caused her to giggle, everything a give and take between them.

It was easy, really, to convince himself that this was okay, that Rachel's hands slipping under the fabric of his tee-shirt and sliding across his skin was acceptable, her teeth nipping on his jaw before her tongue soothed the spot over, Blaine's own hands moving even further up her skirt. If it was anyone else, he was sure he'd be having some sort of anxiety attack over this, about how they were cheating-both of them were, on people they claimed to care about. But Blaine cared about Rachel as well, knew she cared about him too, and as he brushed his fingers closer to the core of her, she shuddered lightly in his lap, and regardless of the consequences he knew he'd been wanting this for much longer than he was willing to admit.

They had to be quiet, much quieter than he could have ever expected from Rachel, but watching her come apart in his hands was one of the most incredible things Blaine had ever gotten to witness, her lips raw and red from chewing on them to keep herself silent, her body marked by Blaine's mouth as he trailed across it. Her back arched deliciously under his hands, her arms wrapped tightly around him to hold him close, and all he could think of was how much he wanted to do this again, and again, and how he definitely didn't want to let her go back to Finn, or have him go back to Kurt.

But as quickly as it had started, the moment seemed to pass, Rachel's guilt worn across her face with every moment that she snapped the buttons on her blouse, pulling her skirt back on and standing awkwardly beside his bed. "I know," he said quietly, before she could reject him. She was leaving soon anyways, just like Kurt, just like Mike, just like anyone else he had gotten close to at McKinley.

She leaned across the bed to kiss him once more, everything she couldn't say projected into it, and he appreciated it for what it was-a goodbye for them, even if it had started off as a goodbye for Kurt. "They can't know," she whispered, barely an inch from his lips, and he nodded, knowing she was ultimately right. He didn't answer her with words, instead just brought her mouth to his own one final time, his hand wrapped tight in her loose strands falling around her face, but when she finally parted from him it was with an expression of sadness, of pain, and he had no way of making it better.

When Kurt sang his solo in front of the club the next day, his own twisted way of saying 'sorry' without admitting he was wrong, and when he dragged him to couples counseling-Blaine let out what he could, the words 'I slept with Rachel' threatening to leak at every opportunity, but it would only hurt her in the long run, and he wouldn't do that to her.

Instead, he made up with Kurt, because it was easier, simpler, and the smile Rachel shot him as they all met up to sing in the auditorium one afternoon would just have to be enough for now.


	29. Never Over xposted

"Rachel?"

She shouldn't have been so surprised to hear his voice, she knew he would have been back in town for the wedding just as much as she was. Still, her heart seemed to stop completely, her mind quickly trying to lock up the feelings she'd thrown away twice before in their past. "Blaine," she replied quietly, turning to face him. He hadn't changed much in the three years since she'd last seen him, storming past him in an attempt to leave his apartment in a huff as tears blurred her vision, but he looked good. Better than good, if she was completely honest with herself, but that never worked well for her in the end.

"It's good to see you," he said, smiling cautiously in her direction, and the ache in her heart only seemed to grow as she realized they were being _formal _to one another. Standing in front of her was the man she was once sure she'd spend the rest of her life with, the one she'd wanted to wake up every morning next to. The one that had broken her heart more than Finn Hudson ever had the day he handed her divorce papers, claiming he needed out of New York City and away from the person she was growing into.

"You too," she said shortly, though she wasn't sure she was being completely honest with herself. Seeing him in front of her only brought up memories-good and bad-and the desire to hold him in her arms was almost overwhelming. Before she had the chance to do anything stupid, Quinn appeared at her side, demanding her attention and focus as Blaine drifted into the sea of people at the wedding rehearsal, leaving Rachel alone once more.

* * *

><p>She walked down the aisle with Noah as her groomsmen, wondering if Quinn had picked the red color of her dress just to make her look as unattractive as possible. She was second after Santana, Brittany trailing behind her on the arm of Sam Evans, and a small smile played at her lips as she remembered a different wedding so long ago when the line ups had been quite different. A wedding Quinn hadn't even attended, one where Rachel had been wearing a white dress. One that Blaine would later inform her made his stomach churn at the very memory of, his every instinct telling himself to stop her from making what she'd later learn was a huge mistake.<p>

But when it came to relationships, Rachel was quite used to making mistakes by now. She had, after all, been the one to end things with Blaine in the first place, and in the 12 hours since she'd seen him the night before she was coming to regret it more and more.

She stood in her place holding her bouquet as the minister went over words she'd heard half a dozen times by now from various wedding ceremonies from friends new and old, Quinn's face shining happily as Finn smiled back at her, both looking more pleased than Rachel could have ever remembered. She wasn't even bitter when Quinn had called her up one day mid-May to announce the engagement, her feelings for Finn having since long dissipated with age and maturity. She'd quickly accepted her role as bridesmaid, squealing over the phone as they planned the fall wedding to take place in New Haven where the couple had taken permanent residency two years prior.

She zoned out slightly as the couple went through their vows, Rachel having heard them countless times on the phone by now as she searched through the church pews for a face she didn't want to admit she needed to see. When she found him, three rows in on the grooms side, his gaze wasn't focused on the couple getting married, it was on her. He didn't turn his head as she met his eye line, simply smiled at her in a way that made her heart swoop out of her chest and into her stomach, returning a hesitant smile back in his direction.

She could practically feel the sense of home washing over her as they continued to stare, the one she used to feel so often when around him. The one that had convinced her he was her soulmate, the only one for her in a world of billions. But he had taken that away from her in one fell swoop, the words 'I just don't love you anymore,' falling from his mouth at nearly three in the morning, only to find out that there was another girl on the horizon, some brunette who had sidetracked his attention from her for the first time in two years.

She'd slapped him, hard across the face, accused him of lying and cheating, and while she knew he didn't actually do the latter to a physical degree, it stung to know she wasn't the only one on his mind. The thought that he didn't think of her how she thought of him nearly broke her in two, and she didn't leave her apartment for days, Quinn taking the train in from New Haven to comfort her as best she could.

But she'd stuffed those feelings of hurt and rejection down long ago, along with the feelings of love and desire for him, and she'd kept them all hidden away in a box in her mind never to be opened again.

What good was all that when she cracked the first time she laid eyes on him?

* * *

><p>"You know," Blaine said as he appeared at her side, a spare glass of champagne being handed to her. "You've now been involved in every one of Finn's weddings."<p>

She let out a small laugh despite herself, shaking her head as she sipped the alcohol he had given her, averting her eyes from his own when he saw his smile grow at her warm response. She knew she should have backed away, left his side, especially as he only seemed more determined the longer she stood still, trying to decide if fighting or fleeing was the smarter decision.

"Care to dance?" he ventured, a hesitancy in his voice she wasn't used to hearing, and it only seemed to solidify the reminder that they weren't meant for each other, not anymore.

"How's Alicia?" she asked instead, keeping her voice bright and cheery as Blaine flinched a little, visibly recoiling from her. "Last I heard, you two were thinking about moving in together. How'd that pan out? Are you two living happily ever after, or have you lost your attention again?"

"Rachel, I-"

"Save it Blaine," she hissed, turning on her heel to storm away when he grabbed ahold of her wrist, halting her movements completely as she froze, her entire body tensing. His skin on her own only seemed to supply her brain with countless images of times when his hand had moved from her wrist to her waist, moving across her body with his tongue and his teeth, pulling her tighter against him and making her unravel better than anyone else ever had.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice low as he neared her once more, his other hand coming to rest gently on her waist hesitantly as he stood behind her. "I fucked up, god Rachel I messed up big time. And I've regretted it every minute since you left, and I don't blame you and-I'm so, so sorry."

It took every ounce of self-control she had not to turn around and give into his words, shaking free from his grasp and letting his hands fall to his sides, her glare not nearly as sharp as she'd like it to have been. "Sorry isn't good enough," she spat, moving quickly before he could grab ahold of her once more.

* * *

><p>She parted from Quinn and Finn with a wish of good luck on their marriage, Finn joking that the second time was sure to be the charm with a glare from Quinn as she walked out of the hotel, taking one final glance at where Blaine sat at a table with Noah and Sam before fleeing once and for all.<p>

She tried as hard as she could over the next few weeks to put away everything she'd once managed to bottle up, the memories and emotions attached to them, but they didn't seem to want to disappear again. She didn't even remember how she'd done so the first time around, everything feeling raw and painful as she went through the entire process of mourning once more. It got so bad that she called off one night, her understudying having to perform her leading role on the Broadway stage Rachel had fought tooth and nail to get to.

Her heart hurt when she went back, signing autographs at the stage door with only half the enthusiasm as she normally did. It seemed like forever ago that her first night had been celebrated with Blaine sweeping her into his arms and twirling her around the New York City street, in a different production on a different stage a few blocks over.

She didn't notice him right away, not until she neared the end of the group, a bunch of teenage girls asking if they could have a photo with her. She smiled into the camera, but she caught sight of him and nearly fell over in her heels, her eyes widening in surprise as the camera flashed. The girls thanked her as she signed their playbills, her costar coming out to sign his fair share while the crowd screamed again, Rachel moving to stand by the cars that waited for them to be done. She glanced in Blaine's direction again, noticing him pushing through the crowd, and told the driver to hold on a minute as she walked towards him.

"Talk to me," he whispered when she neared the area around him, fans pressing in on either side to overhear their conversation.

"I can't talk to you now," she hissed, accepting others playbills and signing them as her focus was solely on Blaine's hazel eyes, filled with sorrow and regret and an honesty she'd forgotten he had in him.

"Please, just-give me a chance, Rach," he begged, and her stance against him wavered as his hand reached out for her own, her driver coming near them to make sure everything was okay.

"Get in the car," she demanded, helping him over the gate that kept the crowd separate from her. There were literally hundreds of eyes upon them during their exchange, and she remembered to wave at all of those who suffered through the cold just for a momentary meeting with her before climbing into the SUV that drove her to her apartment building, silence overfalling them as they drove through the city.

She led him up the stairs to her flat, not caring enough to bother with pleasantries as she whirled around on him, hands over her chest, and simply stated "Talk."

"I made a mistake, all those years ago," he said immediately as if she had pressed the unmute button on him. "I shouldn't have even let my brain wander away from you, and I knew how stupid I was being even as the words left my mouth, but I couldn't take them back." She turned her head from him, unable to look at how vulnerable he was without wanting to take him in her arms, crossing them over her chest to keep herself together. "I wish I could, you know. I've spent the past three years wishing I could take back everything that happened that night."

"You can't," she replied, her tone sharp and backing away even as he made a step in her direction. "You can't just come back here, being your charming self, and think it's going to win me back! It doesn't work like that, Blaine!"

"Then tell me how it works, Rachel!" He yelled back, her eyes narrowing in his direction. "Tell me, because I need to fix this. I need you Rachel, and I can't do anything besides apologize until I'm blue in the face, not unless you tell me how to fix it!"

"You can't!" she shouted back, her arms falling to her sides as her hands clenched in fists. "You can't just fix this! Don't you get it, Blaine? You were the one guy I never had to question where I stood with. I never worried about you wandering away from me, from losing interest in me. I thought you were in it with me for the long haul, for real this time. I felt more sure about you than I did Finn, and the topic of forever never even came up with us!"

"You think I didn't want forever with you?" Blaine asked, his voice quieter as he finally closed the distance she'd been keeping from him while she hung her head in her hands, trying to fight off the tears that fell regardless. "Fuck, Rachel-I just didn't want to have to go through what Finn did, losing you when your dreams came true and having to suffer a life without you."

"So leaving me was the better choice?" she asked, her voice incredulous as she stared at him in disbelief.

"Of course not!" he cried, his hand reaching for her own before she snatched it away. "I, fuck, Rach, please just tell me how to make it better. I can't do this anymore, I can't live without you-I fooled myself into doing it before, into thinking I could find someone better, someone I was more compatible with, someone I was more _myself_ with. But there's no one, Rachel. There's only you."

She felt herself crumble at his words, falling into his arms and letting out the tears she'd tried so hard to keep in. He didn't say anything, his hands rubbing her back softly as he held her, letting her get through whatever it was she needed to get through to pull herself together. It only seemed to anger her more, sending her into more hysterics, her fists clenched feebly in his shirt as she yelled about how he left her, about how he broke her, about how she had been doing so well before he came back to her all those weeks ago.

"Do you really, honestly hate me?" he asked, his own eyes brimming with tears as he asked her, and when she couldn't find it in herself to tell him 'yes', she only cried harder, sinking down onto the floor and collapsing in on herself. She wanted to hate him, wanted to tear him apart and throw him out the door like he had done to her, but she couldn't. If she was honest with herself, really honest, the idea of Blaine being the only one for her had never truly left, just been misplaced, and with him there saying all the things she'd so longed to hear, she couldn't push it aside anymore.

She didn't know when he laid down next to her, or when his arms pulled her closer so that she was lying across his chest, only that his fingers were intertwined with her own and his spare hand still rubbing gentle circles onto her back as she tried to catch her breath and wipe away her tears. "Is there at least some hope for us?" he whispered, his mouth pressed against the top of her head as he spoke.

She could feel the glimmer of a future for them again, the anger she'd been holding onto for so long ebbing away as she once more processed through his words, at the honesty and trust she could feel slowly returning to her. "Yes," she said quietly, his sigh of relief audible as she made herself comfortable, knowing she just sealed their fate for the long haul once more.


	30. Won't Let You Down xposted

It had been nearly two years since the fall out of her engagement at 17, since the near-death of a girl she had become close friends to, since it seemed like her entire world had shattered when she said the one words that sent the only boy she'd ever truly loved packing. Nearly two years, and yet Rachel Berry still felt shell-shocked at every single event that had transpired. She'd moved on, by all appearances, moving to New York with her best friend in tow, clearly happy that he had his sane friend back who focused more on her career than her love life, never investigating further. The only one who ever seemed to realize there was more to her avoidance of love was Blaine, the only one who ever _pushed _her for more of anything.

"How come you don't date?" he had asked her one day when he first moved to the city, Kurt off in a meeting about new classes as his transfer to Parsons was completed.

"It doesn't work well for me," she'd replied simply, hoping he would drop the subject, but of course he didn't. Even when she tried to turn the tables on him, asking why he wasn't putting more of an effort in his failing relationship with Kurt, he'd answer her with simple words before demanding more than he gave. It infuriated her, got under her skin, because there was only so much she could give before she broke again.

"What do you do then?" Blaine asked a different day, watching as one of Rachel's classmates walked away with a curious eye and ignoring her loud huff. "I mean, there's clearly something between you and that guy-"

"There's nothing going on, Blaine!" she had snapped immediately, cutting him off from his accusations. It was true, to an extent, her relationships with boys didn't delve into feelings anymore, didn't do anything but go further than a way to relieve stress, to get people off her back, and while Blaine raised an eyebrow in her direction with the look that screamed 'I don't believe you', he didn't say another word for the afternoon.

It wasn't until Christmas, Blaine's first in the city, that she came to realize why Blaine was so invested in her lack of a love life. He showed up at her small apartment, out of the blue, just as one of her classmates was leaving, Blaine's eyes distrustful at the guy in question even as Rachel asked him what he was doing there so late at night.

"I broke up with Kurt," were the first words out of his mouth after he followed her back into the apartment, Rachel getting out two mugs to prepare some tea for them. She turned to face him, startled at the admission before becoming confused, knowing that Kurt would be the one to depend on her. He seemed to sense this, cutting off her question that lingered behind her lips before it could escape. "I asked him if I could be the one to tell you, that he has all those friends from Parsons now and I- I just really needed to see you."

"Why did the two of you break up?" she finally asked, preparing the warm beverage for them, aware of his eyes trained on her back, watching her every movement. It was an intensity that she wasn't used to feeling anymore, so accustomed to the dull numbness that had settled over her in the recent years that it was almost terrifying in a way, knowing that Blaine found a way to open her up like no one else could.

"I don't love him anymore," Blaine answered honestly, accepting his mug as she moved to sit next to him, pulling her legs up underneath herself and trying in vain to fix her hair from what she knew must have looked like a mess. He didn't comment on it though, no more than he had commented on the boy leaving, and she was grateful for that.

"I'm sorry," she replied, reaching out to grab one of his hands with her own, a small smile playing on his lips as he looked at their interlocking hands.

"We've just both changed, so much, and it took being around one another again to see that," he shrugged, and Rachel knew he was hiding all the pain like he always did. She knew it in a way she might not have before, because she did the same. But instead of doing what she normally did to take care of it, in losing herself in the arms of anyone who was willing, she simply moved to sit on his lap and wrapped her own arms around him, holding him tight.

"I love you, you know," she said quietly, and he just hummed in response, leaning his head against her shoulder as his hands clasped around her waist, the two sitting peacefully like that for almost an hour.

* * *

><p>It was nearly two months later that the words were spoken back to her, in a completely different tone and a completely different manner, taking her by surprise. She had taken to the stairs of Broadway to spend her Valentine's day in peace, away from the boys and the stress they only seemed to inflict on her, Blaine appearing as if from nowhere and sitting next to her, vibrant smile in place as he handed her a tea.<p>

"What are you doing?" she asked, accepting the drink graciously. "Shouldn't you be off cavorting with that new boy in your English class or something?"

"No," Blaine said, his smile unyielding as ever, nearly brighter than the billboards around them as it shone in her direction. She could feel the layers peel back once more, the exhilaration of life flowing through her once more as it so often didn't these days, and she couldn't help but feel that maybe it wasn't the crowd or the lights of the city around her, but simply the boy on her side. Even as she came to these small conclusions, he started talking, Rachel's attention focused solely on him as he did so. "I came because I needed to tell you something."

"How did you know I would be here?" she asked, eying him slightly warily, but he just rolled his own in return.

"Rachel Berry on Valentine's day would either be on a date with one of her many suitors or sitting on the steps thinking about her future. I took a chance on the latter." She merely nodded, and this seemed to push him forward into whatever he wanted to say, his fingers moving to push aside a piece of her hair that had come un-tucked from her beret, his smile still warm in her direction. "Do you remember, the night that I came to you after I broke up with Kurt?"

"Of course," she said, waiting for him to continue.

"You never questioned why I wanted to see you over anyone else," Blaine replied, and she frowned in confusion-after his simple explanation of needing her more than Kurt, she hadn't thought too deeply about it. "Why I felt like I had to be the one to tell you."

"I didn't think about it," she replied honestly.

"Well, I both appreciated and hated that you didn't ask me that night," he continued on, ignoring the look of confusion once more coloring her features before he pressed on. "It wouldn't have been right, in that moment, but I've moved on and you've-well, regardless of whatever it is you're doing, it's not going to stop me anymore."

"What are you talking about, Blaine?" she asked, her voice quiet as she waited, strangely nervous for whatever it was he had to say.

"I love you," he said, and she wanted to laugh, wanted to respond with an 'I love you too,' but then he shook his head, pressing a finger to her lips to silence her before she could even begin. "Not in a friendship way, Rachel. In an _I'm head over heels, crazy in love with you_ kind of way."

She let the words sink in over her, the idea seemingly crazy and yet not so much, but suddenly her world narrowed down again, everything seeming suffocated and wrong, and she shook her head. "No, Blaine, you don't-"

"Yes, I do," he said, not letting her finish. "And I know everything that happened messed you up, Rachel, and I know that you're still working through it but-I am in love with you. And I don't want to keep that a secret anymore."

"I can't," was her small reply, shaking her head once more and feeling the threatening prickle behind her eyes that meant she was seconds away from crying. "Not-not right now, Blaine, I can't do this." She stood, abruptly, not even bothering to stop as she moved swiftly through the crowds of lovers new and old, ignoring his cries after her as she walked the fifteen blocks back to her own apartment, her brain buzzing with things she couldn't let herself feel anymore.

* * *

><p>He didn't call her, didn't text her, didn't email her for nearly two weeks. Rachel felt more alone than before, and when she started seeing Blaine's faces in every boy she tried to bring home, heard his voice in every conversation she attempted to have, she knew that she had to fix this. It started with a simple text message, a small <em>please, just don't give up on me<em>, his response coming almost immediately-_I wouldn't dream of it_ bringing a small smile to her face even as she turned down an offer to spend the night with someone taller, someone blonder, someone she couldn't care less about.

He didn't show up, and she knew that she had hurt him more than she thought with her swift rejection, and she wasn't sure if it was his absence that led her to imagining that maybe his words could be reciprocated or if it was simply Blaine, but she knew there was only one way to find out.

She found his dorm, charming her way inside without a keycard before walking into his room without knocking, startling him from his homework as he glanced up at her. "I don't do love anymore," she said simply, and Blaine just continued staring at her. "After everything that happened-how far I lost myself, how we all almost lost Quinn-I don't trust myself with it."

"You never know until you try again," Blaine responded quietly, and she found herself nodding, much to both their amazement.

"I know that now," she agreed just as quietly, taking a hesitant step forward, Blaine still unmoving at his desk where he was turned towards her. "And for anyone else, Blaine, I'd be running for the hills," she said, a small smile twitching in the corners of his mouth as he stared. "But it's you, and if there's anyone to keep me sane and make me believe in love, make me fall in love-it'd be you."

"What are you saying?" he asked, seeming almost as if he wanted to cross the room but choosing instead to give her the space she was so hesitantly asking for him to close.

"I'm saying that you have to give me time, but, I'd like to give us a chance," she answered, the smile on his face nearly eclipsing her own as he finally got up and wrapped her in a hug, her laugh sounding foreign on her own ears as she hugged him back. "I'm still a mess, you know, and it's better if you run," she warned, but he shushed her with a kiss on the corner of her mouth as she let herself relax in his embrace.

"I would never think of doing any such thing," he promised, his hazel eyes staring into her own as her grabbed her hands, interlacing their fingers together and holding them between themselves. "I'm taking that invitation as a personal challenge."

"I'd expect no less from you," she smiled in return, feeling light hearted and young and free for the first time in as long as she could remember, knowing already that there was no one else better suited for the job of fixing her than the two of them together.


End file.
